


Seasons Change, but So Do We

by writersbane



Category: Stardew Valley (Video Game)
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Blow Jobs, Couch Sex, Cunnilingus, Eventual Romance, Eventual Smut, F/M, Fluff and Humor, Fluff and Smut, Implied Sexual Content, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Mutual Pining, Oral Sex, Past Abuse, Past Domestic Violence, Past Sexual Assault, Shower Sex, Slow Burn, Vaginal Fingering, Vaginal Sex
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-04-18
Updated: 2020-01-13
Packaged: 2020-01-16 02:38:55
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 14
Words: 63,178
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18512200
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/writersbane/pseuds/writersbane
Summary: Unsatisfied with the direction her life is going, Lila quits her job and decides to move to her grandfather's farm in Pelican Town. She doesn't quite know what to expect of the place since she hasn't visited since she was a young girl, but she's hopeful that a fresh start is what she needs to help her on the path to genuine happiness.





	1. Homesick

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lila arrives at her grandfather's farm and realizes she has her work cut out for her. After a stressful day, she seeks solace in the mountains and meets a new friend.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi there, thanks for showing interest in reading. This is my first fic, so please be nice :)

 

Chapter One

 

Lila picked at her dry cuticles as she stared out of the dirty bus window. It was littered with fingerprints, but at least it didn’t hinder her view. Rows upon rows of trees passed in a blur of green under the bright blue sky. The scenery transfixed her, as if the window was a portal to another world, another life. It was a sight Lila could get used to. Well, a sight she _had_ to get used since she chose to leave Zuzu City.

The anxiety began to settle deeper into her bones as Lila’s thoughts ran circles. _What if I don’t fit in? What if I hate it? What if I fail?_

Lila shook the thoughts away and focused on the landscape. After all, there was no point in considering going back. She couldn’t. Sure, she missed her friends and family, but there was nothing left for her in the city. The degree she worked hard on was practically useless and the job she nabbed after graduation was second-rate at best. The very thought of her old job made Lila’s heart beat a little faster. The repetition, the long hours, and the lack of a decent wage drove her almost her breaking point. Almost. Accidently finding her grandfather’s letter was a blessing. His words struck a chord with her and they resonated with her even now. They gave Lila the confidence she needed to pack up her things and start a new life. She just hoped she made the right decision.

 

Lila’s legs ached as she stepped off the bus. The spring breeze blew her dark hair into her face and sent a chill up her spine. The air smelled like fresh cut flowers with a hint of pine-a pleasant oddity compared to what she was used to.

“You must be Delilah,” A red haired woman greeted her with a smile.

“Actually, I just go by Lila,” she responded. She hadn’t been called Delilah since she was a child and she didn’t think it quite fit her as well as her nickname did.

“Well, it’s nice to meet you Lila” the stranger said, sticking out her hand. “I’m Robin, the town’s carpenter.”

Lila gripped Robin’s hand and gave it a firm shake. “Nice to meet you too.”

“Mayor Lewis sent me to welcome you to Pelican Town and show you the way to the farm,” Robin said. “It’s over this way.”

Lila followed Robin as she led the way down the gravel path, anticipation buzzing through her veins.

Her stomach dropped when she saw the state of Pleasant Knoll Farm. It was covered with overgrown weeds, trees, and rocks. She must have been staring because Robin stopped walking and turned to her.

“What’s the matter?” she asked.

“I just wasn’t expecting it to be such a…”

 _Disaster_ , Lila thought.

“Sure it might be a bit overgrown, but I’m sure you’ll have it cleaned up in no time,” Robin gave her an encouraging smile. Lila remained unconvinced as she followed Robin up the steps of the house. “And here’s your new home.”

Lila examined the old house. She didn’t remember it looking this way when she had visited as a young girl. The front porch had holes, the roof needed fixing, and the place was in desperate need of a new paint job. She was beginning to miss her luxury studio in the city.

“Ah, the new farmer!” an older man with gray hair and a brown cap greeted them. “Welcome! I’m Mayor Lewis.”

“Nice to meet you,” Lila said, trying to hiding her growing doubts with a smile.

Mayor Lewis turned around and glanced over the house. “So you’re moving into your grandfather’s old house…It’s a good house. It’s just a bit-what’s the word for it- _rustic_.”

“More like crusty,” Robin laughed.

Mayor Lewis shot her a disapproving look, “Don’t listen to her, Lila. She’s just trying to get you to purchase one of her upgrades.”

Robin crossed her arms and rolled her eyes.

“Well, Lila, I imagine you’re tired from your trip and you better get some rest,” Mayor Lewis continued. “A day of hardwork awaits you tomorrow.”

“And if you need anything, let me know,” Robin said. “I don’t live far from here. If you have any questions, feel free to stop by.”

“Thanks, I appreciate that,” Lila said.

Robin and Mayor Lewis gave Lila one last smile and headed down the gravel path leading into town, leaving her to think about the mayhem she just brought upon herself.

~

 

Sebastian cracked his fingers as he sluggishly walked to the kitchen. It was early, or really late depending on how you looked at it. Regardless, he wasn’t used to being awake at this hour and he desperately needed coffee for the day to be somewhat bearable. He meant to make some hours ago but his mind had gotten lost in the code he was working on.

“Strange to see you up this early,” his mother said from the kitchen table. She wore a smile on her face as she lifted her mug to her lips. It was unusual to see her awake at this hour. Sebastian had only ever seen her up this early when she needed a headstart on a project for a customer.

“I’m working on something for a client,” Sebastian responded as he grabbed a mug from the cabinet and poured the coffee to the brim. “What’s your excuse?”

“I just got back from visiting Lila.”

Sebastian raised an eyebrow at his mother as he leaned against the counter, taking a sip. “Lila?”

“Oh, you know, Ed’s granddaughter,” she continued. “She just moved here from the city to take over the farm. I’m worried for that poor girl. The farm is complete chaos. The house alone is in shambles. You couldn’t pay me to spend the night there.”

It was true, Pleasant Knoll Farm had been desolate for years after Ed’s passing. Sebastian could only imagine the horrid state of the place. He knew Abigail often enjoyed exploring the abandoned farm, but he never understood the appeal.

“Good business for you, though,” Sebastian said.

“Yeah, if the girl can stay alive long enough,” his mother sighed.

Sebastian rolled his eyes as he chugged the rest of his coffee.

“I guess we’ll see.”

He placed the cup into the empty sink and turned to head out of the kitchen.

“Don’t work too hard,” his mother called after him.

Sebastian shot her a smile and made his way back to his room.

 

Before getting back to work, Sebastian glanced at the poster of the Zuzu City skyline hung above his desk. He imagined the thrill and excitement of living in the city: new places to explore, new things to try, new people that would understand him. There was always something happening in the city and there was never anything happening in Pelican Town.

 _Why would anyone leave the city for this stupid town?_ Sebastian pondered. He couldn’t come up with a good enough answer.

 

~

 

 _I’ve made a huge mistake_ , Lila thought as she lay on the ground, axe in hand.

The sun was already beginning its descent into the mountains, and the sky looked as though it was painted due to the pink and orange hues. She had spent the entire day attempting to clear the farm, but it was as if the clutter was never-ending. Lila was exhausted after only clearing a small area to plant her parsnip seeds, and if she continued, she would surely collapse. How was she supposed to clear this entire farm on her own?

Lila raised herself onto her elbows, examining the expanse of weeds, branches, and rock.

 _This is impossible_ , she thought. Though, her grandfather’s words lingered in her mind.

_“I know you’ll honor the family name.”_

Lila groaned as she pushed herself to standing. She needed to get away from the farm for awhile before the doubts started settling into the dark crevices of her mind.

 

After wandering through the town in attempt to clear her head, Lila found herself in the mountains. She eyed them in awe. She had seen them once before, but she was an uninterested young girl visiting her grandpa then. Now looking at them made her feel small, practically insignificant. It was comforting in an unusual way. It felt as though no matter how big her worries seemed, they could never grow as huge as these mountains.

Lila leaned against a tree and watched the moonlight glitter across the lake’s calm surface. The chill of the spring night’s breeze bit at her skin, but Lila didn’t mind. In this moment, she was at ease and that was all she wanted to focus on.

Lila heard a rustling in the grass a few feet away and spotted a figure standing at the edge of the lake. It was a guy dressed in black jeans and a dark sweatshirt. His eyebrows were pressed together in thought as he held a cigarette between his lips.

Lila’s eyes widened at the sight of the cigarette. She hadn’t smoked in years, but with the current circumstances, it called to her. She was desperate for a way to soothe her doubts even if it meant temporarily delving into old habits. With a sigh, she pushed off the tree and approached him.  

“Hey,” Lila said once she was close enough for him to hear her.

“Shit!” the stranger jumped at the sound of her voice and Lila couldn’t help but let out a small laugh.

Standing closer to the stranger, Lila was able to get a better look at him. He was tall with dark hair that fell over his forehead, falling into his eyes.

 _He’s cute_ , she thought as she watched him push his hair out of his face. She didn’t expect small town guys to look like _that_.

“Sorry,” Lila looked down at the ground in embarrassment.

He looked her up and down as he pressed the cigarette to his lips and said, “You must be Lila.”

“How did you know?”

“Small town. Everybody knows everybody. It’s hard not to notice when a new face appears.”

“That’s something I’ll have to get used to,” Lila said. “In the city, it’s more like you’re living among strangers. You never really get a chance to get to know everyone. They’re always busy doing something.”

“That explains the sneaking up on people as a way of introduction.”

Lila bit her lip. “Sorry, again.”

“It’s whatever,” he shrugged, taking a drag.

Lila’s eyes drifted to the cigarette held between his fingers. “Do you mind if I bum one of those off you?”

He raised an eyebrow at her. “You don’t seem like the smoking type.”

“I’m not,” she responded. “Well, anymore. I used to...”

Lila stopped herself before giving anymore details. She doubted this stranger cared to hear about her past. Besides, he hadn’t even told her his name.

He pulled a pack out of his sweatshirt pocket and handed her a cigarette, then flicked on a lighter. Lila took the cigarette between her fingers, held it over the flame, then pressed it between her lips. He watched as Lila took a drag and she couldn’t help but feel a bit nervous. When the smoke hit her lungs, she erupted in a coughing fit. “Shit.”

A smile crept on his face. Lila looked away, a blush blossomed in her cheeks.

“This is a terrible habit,” she said as she brought the cigarette back to her lips. “You should really think about quitting.”

“Says the girl also engaging in said habit.”

“I already told you I quit,” Lila grinned at him. “You’re a terrible listener.”

“Then I must be imagining that cigarette in between your fingers.”

“You must be,” she playfully smiled at him.

 _He’s really cute_ , Lila thought as she discreetly glanced over him again.

“I should head back,” her new friend’s words broke her thought. He took one last drag before stomping the cigarette out.

“It was nice to meet you,” Lila said.

He gave her a nod before he headed down the gravel path towards a house in the distance. She watched him for a moment before realizing she never asked for his name.

“Wait,” she called after him, stomping out her cigarette. He stopped in place and turned to face her. “You never told me your name.”

“You never asked,” he said with a smirk more attractive than Lila wanted to admit.

She stood there for a moment, not really sure what to say. Did he want her to ask him or was he just messing with her?

“It’s Sebastian,” he finally said.

“Well, it was nice meeting you _Sebastian_.”

Sebastian turned around with his hands in his pockets and said, “See you around, Lila.” over his shoulder before heading into the house.

 _I hope so_ , Lila smiled as she started her trek home.

 

~

 

Sebastian sank into his chair and picked up his phone that he left sitting on his desk. There were three unread messages from his best friend Sam.

 

**What time are we meeting tomorrow?**

**Does 12 work?**

**Helllloooo Earth to Sebastian**

 

Sebastian typed out **12 works** and hit the send button.

 

Sam responded immediately, **Took you long enough you tit.**

**Sorry went out for a smoke.**

**You went on an hour long smoke?**

**I ran into Lila while I was out.**

**Who is Lila??**

**The new farmer that just moved into town.**

**OH SHIT**

**And?!**

**And what?**

**DETAILS**

 

Sebastian failed to think of a suitable response. He typed out **She was-** but then stopped. What details did Sam want to know? Her appearance?

 

 **She has long dark hair** , he began to type, **and golden brown eyes that glowed in the moonlight.**

 

He stopped and read over what he had just typed… And held down the backspace.

 _Eyes that glowed in the moonlight?_ He thought. _What the fuck am I even saying?_

Sebastian sighed and tried again.

 

**She’s a bit strange, has a sarcastic attitude, and a contagious smile.**

 

He held down the backspace again. _What the fuck is wrong with me._

 **She’s alright** , he finally replied.

 

**Alright?? That’s all you’re going to give me??**

**You’ll just have to meet her yourself.**

**Oh, I see**

**You’re already calling dibs**

**I don’t know what you’re talking about.**

**You’re an asshole**

**See you tomorrow**

 

Sebastian grinned down at his phone and set it back in it’s spot on his desk. He leaned back in his chair and started working where he left off, but no matter how hard he tried to concentrate, a pair of brown eyes lingered in the back of his mind.

 

 


	2. A Place to Belong

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lila continues to struggle adjusting to life on the farm. She decides to check out the Stardrop Saloon in attempt to socialize and make friends with the rest of the townspeople.

Chapter Two

 

It was a struggle for Lila to drag herself out of bed when her alarm rang at 6:00 A.M. She was never much of a morning person when she had to get up at 8:00 A.M for her crappy desk job in the city, so waking up two hours before then was practically torture. She washed her face with cold water in hopes to help wake herself up, but it did nothing for her tiredness. She was so exhausted that she fell asleep for a brief moment while eating her breakfast.

 _It’s barely been a week_ , Lila thought as she force fed herself another spoonful of oatmeal. _How am I going to do this for a month? Or for the rest of my life?_

She dropped her spoon into her bowl and cradled her head in her hands.

_What was I thinking, I can’t do this._

A knock at the door pulled her out of her dark thoughts.

Marnie, a townsperson she had met earlier in the week, stood at the door cradling an orange cat in her arms.

“Goodmorning, Lila,” she said. “I found this stray and was wondering if you’d be willing to adopt him. He would just love to run around your farm. Plus he’s a cutie.”

Lila looked at the cat and felt conflicted. She had enough responsibilities as it was, she couldn’t take on another so soon. But Marnie was right, he was cute.

 _Maybe it won’t feel so lonely around here with him_ , Lila thought.

“I could use the company,” she said as she scratched under the cat’s chin.

Marnie smiled and handed the cat to Lila. He immediately started purring when she started rubbing his belly.

“What are you going to name him?” Marnie asked.

Lila thought for a moment then smile. “When I was little,” she began, “I begged my dad for a cat. I was going to name him Chai after my mom’s favorite tea. So I think that’s what I’ll name this little guy.”

“Chai, that’s a cute name.”

Lila carefully placed Chai down on the floor. He rubbed his face on her leg and meowed.

“Well, I would love to stay and chat but I’m sure you have a busy day ahead of you,” Marnie said. “Oh, I almost forgot! A lot of the townspeople gather over at The Stardrop Saloon on Friday nights. You should join us tonight. You could meet the rest of the townspeople there.”

“Thanks, I’ll consider it,” Lila smiled as she waved goodbye to Marnie.

 _It would be nice to have a night off_ , Lila thought as she started getting dressed for the day. She just hoped the townspeople wouldn’t mind her being there.

 

Lila spent the rest of her day harvesting her parsnips and planting more seeds. She hadn’t had time to clear more of the farm today, but she was making slow progress. She had a goal of clearing it before the end of spring, but she was unsure how realistic that was. The goal was more for her mental sanity anyways. It made the task seem less daunting if she spent a little each day clearing a small patch.

At 5:00, Lila stopped tending to the farm and started getting ready to head down to The Stardrop Saloon. She took a quick shower and changed into clothes that weren’t stained with dirt from farming. She decided on her favorite pair of jeans, a plain grey t-shirt, and her leather jacket since the nights were still a bit chilly. Chai rubbed on her leg as she pulled on her black boots. She rubbed under his chin before she grabbed her keys and headed into town.

The Stardrop Saloon was full of familiar and unfamiliar faces. Lila had been to crowded bars in the city before, but this was more nerve wracking. Everyone was already well acquainted with each other and Lila couldn’t help but feel like an outsider. It made her nervous, as if everyone’s eyes were watching her, judging her. If she was still in the city, Lila would have hid among the crowd of strangers, but there was nowhere for her to hide besides her lonely ramshackle of a farmhouse.

_Maybe this was a bad idea._

Lila ordered a beer from Gus, hoping it would ease her nerves, and roamed around the saloon. She introduced herself to some townspeople she hadn’t met yet like Leah, a friendly girl that lived in the woods, and Shane, a guy that seemed bored of her. It was nice to socialize, but Lila still didn’t quite feel like she fit in with these people. She wasn’t sure if she would ever feel like she belonged.

Lila spotted a pool table on the other side of the saloon and decided that maybe playing some would help distract her, even if she had to play by herself.

“If I win, you owe me a month’s worth of pizza,” she heard a voice as she got closer.

“You never win anyways,” another voice said. It sounded familiar, but Lila couldn’t exactly place it.

“Loser has to play Journey of the Prairie King with me,” yet another voice said, this one sounded feminine.

When Lila reached the pool table, three sets of eyes immediately looked up at her. There was a girl with purple hair sitting on the couch picking at her nails and a blond guy that was pointing his cue at another with dark hair.

 _Sebastian_ , Lila realized.

They stared at her in silence as if she was invading their territory.

“Uh, hi,” Lila finally said, waving awkwardly with her free hand. “I’m Lila.”

Sebastian and the blond guy looked at each other for a moment and then back at Lila.

“Hey, I’m Abby,” the girl with the purple hair waved back and continued picking at her nails.

“Oh hey, _Lila_ ,” the blond guy said, exaggerating her name. He leaned his cue against the pool table and extended his hand to her. “I’m Sam.”

Lila took his hand and gave it a firm shake, “Nice to meet you.”

Sebastian shot Sam a look and cleared his throat.

“And that’s Sebastian,” Sam said, ignoring his friend, “but you’ve already met him, right?”

“Yeah,” Lila said, turning to Sebastian. “How’s it going?”

He shrugged. “Alright, I guess. Just beating Sam at pool. A weekly tradition.”

“Hey, I’ve won before.”

“You’ve won so few that it’s practically negligible.”

“Well tonight, I’m winning.”

“Whatever you say.”

“Do you want to join us, Lila?” Sam asked, a playful smile pulled at the corner of his mouth.

Lila took a sip of her beer and placed it down on a nearby table. “Sure.”

“Abby?” Sam looked over at her.

“I’ll pass,” she said as she got up from the couch and wandered over to an arcade game.

“Okay, well then you two can be on a team.”

“That doesn’t seem fair…” Lila began, but Sam cut her off.

“It’s cool,” he said. “I’ll beat both of you and have an epic comeback.”

“If you insist,” Lila smiled as she grabbed a cue hanging from the wall. She stood next to Sebastian who seemed to be unusually quiet, or maybe it was usual for him. It’s not like Lila had really gotten to know him the last time she saw him. Lila glanced over at him. Her eyes traced the hard line of his jaw and the way his lips naturally pressed to a line. His eyes, which had looked brown when she had first met him, were actually a deep blue.

“Ladies first,” Sam’s voice almost startled her as he racked the balls towards the center of the table.

Lila looked away from Sebastian and stepped up to take her shot. She leaned forward slightly, barely rested her hand on the table, and lined up the cue with the white ball. She focused for a moment and took her shot. A striped ball fell into one of the pockets.

“Nice shot,” Sam said, “Must be beginner’s luck.”

“Must be,” Lila grinned.

Sam lined up to take a shot, but completely missed, which elicited a laugh from Sebastian. Lila looked at him and smiled.

 _Shit,_ _he’s even cuter when he laughs_.

“Do you mind if I go again?” Lila asked.

“Not at all.”

Lila walked around the table, thinking about what shot to take. When she finally came to a decision, she leaned forward and lined up her cue. She hit a striped ball into a pocket. Then another. And another. Lila continued until no striped balls remained on the table. Sebastian didn’t even get a chance to take a turn.

“You’ve got to be kidding me,” Sam pouted as he dropped his cue in disbelief.

“I tried to warn you,” Lila shrugged as she placed her cue back on the wall. She glanced over at Sebastian who seemed to be watching her, but she couldn’t read the emotion on his face.

“Well it’s getting late,” Lila said as she grabbed her beer from its spot, “I should probably head out. I need to stop at the community center before going home.”

“Why would you go to that dump?” Sam asked.

“I’m helping Mayor Lewis fix it up,” she explained.

“Well good luck with that.”

“Thanks,” Lila looked from Sam to Sebastian, waiting to see if he was going to say something. Sebastian simply looked at her with a blank face of disinterest. When no words came, Lila finished her beer and started towards the exit.

 _I should’ve stayed home with Chai_ , Lila thought as she met the brisk chill of the spring night.

 

~

 

Sebastian watched Lila as she walked off, tempted to follow her. He had barely said anything to her and was worried that her initial impression of him had changed.

 _Why am I such an awkward idiot_ , he thought as he sat on the couch. His gaze drifted over to Sam who was giving him a mischievous smile like a dumbass.

“What’s wrong with your face,” Sebastian narrowed his eyes at his friend.

“Oh, nothing,” Sam said, still smiling. “I just figured out why you kept the details secret.”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“And now you’re lying to my face.”

“Would you two care to fill a girl in?” Abby asked as she took a seat next to Sebastian on the couch.

“Seb’s got a thing for Lila,” Sam said.

Abby looked at Sam then to Sebastian. “The new farmer girl?”

Sebastian sighed. “I do not.”

“Okay, Seb’s in denial that he’s got a thing for Lila.”

“Fuck off, Sam.”

“You two would be cute together,” Abigail teased as she elbowed his arm.

“Not you too.”

“I’m just trying to be supportive.”

“You two are ridiculous,” Sebastian said, getting up from the couch. “I’m leaving.”

“If you’re quick enough, you could catch her on her way back from the community center,” Sam called after him.

Sebastian flipped him off as he left the saloon.

 

 

Sebastian pressed a cigarette between his lips as he passed Pierre’s. Then checked his pockets for a lighter. It would help ease his annoyance at Sam and Abby, who were obviously misunderstanding the situation. How could he have a thing for Lila? He barely knew her. Even if he did know her, she certainly wouldn’t have a thing for him. Pretty girls like Lila always ended up having a thing for Sam.

“I see you haven’t considered my advice,” a voice said. A bit startled, Sebastian turned and saw Lila standing behind him.

He removed the cigarette from his lips and slipped it into his pocket. “I see you’re still sneaking up on people.”

“I’m stealthy,” Lila said with a smile that made something in Sebastian’s stomach twist. “Like a ninja.”

“I’ll have to remember that.”

They stared at each other for a moment, then Lila took a step towards him and said, “Sorry if I was intruding back there.”

“Not at all,” Sebastian said, nervously running a hand through his hair. They stood in silence again, just looking at each other.

“Well, I should probably head home,” Lila finally said. “It’s getting late.”

“Of course, don’t let me keep you.”

“See you around,” Lila nodded and headed down the gravel path towards the farm.  

 _Offer to walk her home, you idiot_ , Sebastian thought as he watched her walk away. He took a deep breath and began to follow her.

“Lila,” he called after her and she turned around. “I’ll walk with you.”

“Oh, that’s not necessary…” she said, curling a stray hair behind her ear.

 _Maybe she doesn’t want me to_.

“Uh, okay,” he stupidly said.

“But it would be nice to have some company,” she smiled.

Sebastian fell into step next to her and felt another twist in his stomach.

 

They mostly walked in silence. Sebastian slowed his pace to Lila’s. She was much shorter than him so her strides were smaller, plus walking slower gave him an excuse to spend more time with her.

“Where did you, uh, learn to play like that?” he asked, breaking the silence.

“I worked at a bar while I was in college,” Lila looked up at him. “During down time, we would all play.”

“Well you were amazing. I’ve never seen Sam so shook before.”

“Thanks,” she laughed. “I didn’t mean to. I probably should’ve held back a bit.”

“You can next week,” Sebastian said. Then realizing the assumption in his words, began to nervously ramble. “I mean, we play every Friday and, uh, you could join us if you wanted to and, uh, go easier on us. Only if you wanted to.”

He looked down at his feet, hoping his hair hid the blush spreading across his face. _What the fuck was that_.

“I’d like that,” Lila said.

“So how’s the farm going?” he asked, changing the subject.

Lila sighed. “Can I be honest with you?”

“Sure,” Sebastian looked up from the ground and met eyes with her.

“It’s going terribly. I’m beginning to think I’ve made a mistake.”

“But it’s barely been a week.”

“Exactly,” Lila put her hands in the pockets of her jacket and looked up at the sky. “It’s just sometimes I feel like the only thing I’m good at is failing. Do you ever feel that way? Like no matter how hard you try, you’re just going to fail anyways?”

“All the time.”

“How do you get past it?”

“I don’t,” Sebastian answered honestly. “I normally just seclude myself in my room and play video games and smoke until I finally feel like dealing with myself. I wouldn't advise that though. I’ve been told that I have terrible habits.”

“I wonder by whom…” Lila smiled at him.

 

“Thanks for walking with me,” Lila said once they finally reached her house.

“Not a problem,” Sebastian said. He was sad at how short their walk had felt. He was finally beginning to feel comfortable around Lila and all he wanted was to keep talking to her, but he knew she had better things to do than keep talking to him. “Well I won’t keep you any longer than I already have, you probably have to wake up early.”

“Ugh, don’t remind me,” Lila pouted. Sebastian couldn’t help but notice how cute she looked when she made that face.

After searching for her keys in her pockets, Lila unlocked her door and turned to him before heading inside.

“Be careful walking home,” she said. Then something sparked in her eye, as if she had a genius idea. “Here, give me your phone.”

Lila held out her hand. Without a second thought, Sebastian pulled his phone from his sweatshirt pocket and gave it to her. He watched as Lila fiddled with it, then handed it back to him. Sebastian looked down at his phone and almost had a small heart attack when he realized she had added herself as one of his contacts.

“Text me and let me know you got home, okay?”

Sebastian couldn’t tear his eyes away from the screen, as if Lila’s number would disappear if he looked away. “Okay.”

“Goodnight,” Lila said before closing the door.

Sebastian stood there for a few moments, uncertain whether what had just happened was real or a dream.

 

 

When he got home, Sebastian started a new message to Lila, but struggled to think of what to say. He felt stupid for being nervous over something so small.

 _She was just being nice_ , he thought. _There’s no way she could possibly like me._

 

 **Hey, it’s Sebastian. I just got home** , he took a deep breath before he pressed send. He placed his phone in its usual spot on his desk, but it lit up almost immediately with a notification.

**Great, thanks for letting me know :)**

He stared down at his phone and thought about what to say next, if he should even bother saying anything at all. Then his phone lit up again.

**Hopefully you didn’t smoke on the way there :P**

**I didn’t**

**Are you lying to me?**

**I’m not, I promise**

He quickly read through their conversation and rubbed his face. He sounded like a complete impersonable idiot. He wasn’t expecting anything else from himself, but he was texting Lila. _Lila_. He thought about how her hair framed her face, how her jeans hugged her curves, and how her laugh sounded like music.

The same annoying thing twisted in his stomach again and this time he swore he was going to throw up. Then his phone lit up. It was Lila.

**I’ll stop bothering you now. We should talk again soon. Goodnight :)**

Sebastian stared down at his phone. He couldn’t think of what to respond with so he just smiled like a damn idiot.


	3. Chance

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lila is desperate for an excuse to see Sebastian. When she gets it, it ends up not working out in her favor.

Chapter Three

 

A few days had passed and Lila still hadn’t heard from Sebastian. She had fallen asleep waiting for his reply and immediately checked her phone when she woke up the next morning, but was disappointed when she didn’t see an unread message from him. Lila had gone about the rest of her weekend like usual, convinced that he had also fallen asleep and would text her at some point. Though, by Monday morning, she still hadn’t received anything.

 _Maybe he didn’t get the hint_ , Lila thought as she refilled her watering can. _Or maybe he doesn’t want to talk to me._

Lila sighed as she began watering the row of parsnips in front of her. She had always found guys confusing, but Sebastian was by far the most unreadable. He had seemed interested in talking to her when they first met, but was completely aloof when she showed up at the Stardrop. Maybe he couldn’t make up his mind about her. Maybe he felt awkward talking to her around his friends. Though, he must have found something about her interesting since he offered to walk her home. Unless that was just a thing small town guys did.

_Maybe I was too bold to give him my number._

The feeling of Chai nuzzling her leg pulled Lila from her thoughts. She looked down at him and smiled, then glanced down at the parsnips.

“Shit,” Lila mumbled, realizing she had watered the same row of crops twice. She placed the watering can on the ground and leaned down to scratch Chai’s chin. He nuzzled her hand in appreciation. She scratched behind his ear and said, “I wasn’t thinking about him, I swear.”

Chai only looked up and gave her a fierce look of judgement. Lila grudgingly sighed in agreement. Chai was right, she would never get any of her tasks done if she let her mind wander. She picked up the watering can, got back to work, and made a conscious effort to avoid any thoughts of _him_.

 

Lila stopped at the Help Wanted board in front of Pierre’s before heading in to purchase more seeds. She recently began making more of an effort to get on the townspeople’s good side and the easiest way to do so was completing the often weird and random requests they left on the corkboard. There was a new post scribbled in barely legible handwriting. It read: “Does anyone have an extra potato laying around? -Sebastian”. It was a strange request, but Lila was desperate at any chance of seeing him at this point.

 _Maybe it’s an excuse to see me_ , Lila thought as she headed back to the farm. She didn't want to get her hopes up, but she took a little extra time to do her hair before heading for the mountains. Just in case.  

 

“Hi, Lila,” Robin smiled from behind the polished wood desk. “Have you finally come to ask me for a house upgrade?”

“Uh,” Lila stood there awkwardly for a moment. She knew Robin was Sebastian’s mom, but the detail had somehow slipped her mind. She hadn’t come prepared to deal with a potentially awkward conversation. “Not exactly.”

“A coop then?” Robin pulled out a binder full of papers and began rummaging through it. “Or maybe a shed? It’ll be a good way to organize your stock of crops and seeds.”

“Thanks Robin,” Lila brushed a stray hair behind her ear and smiled nervously. The entire situation made her feel like she was in high school again. “But I’m actually here to see Sebastian…”

“Oh,” Robin sounded a bit surprised, then smiled. “I’ll show you to his lair.”

Lila followed Robin down the hall and descended the stairs to the basement. She thought Robin was joking when she referred to this as Sebastian’s lair, but the word eerily described the place. It was dark and isolated and Lila wouldn’t have expected anything less from Sebastian’s room.

Robin stopped at the door at the bottom of the stairs and knocked. Loud music played from behind the door, it was a song Lila recognized but couldn’t remember the name of. Robin sighed and knocked louder.

“I’m working!” A voice yelled from the other side of the door. Robin turned to Lila and rolled her eyes.

“You have a visitor!” she yelled back.

“I already told Sam I’m busy!”

“It’s Lila!”

“What?”

“ _It’s Lila!_ ” Robin practically screamed then cleared her throat. The music stopped and Lila could hear shuffling from the other side of the door, along with a few mumbled swear words.

After a few moments, Sebastian opened the door and held it ajar. His hair was tousled from sleep and he was without his usual black sweatshirt. Lila eyes immediately drifted to his exposed arms. They were lean, but well muscled. A glimpse of a tattoo peeked out from the bottom of his sleeve as well as the neckline of his T-shirt.

_What else is he hiding?_

“Hey,” Sebastian said as he rubbed at his neck.

Lila met his eyes and swallowed hard. “Hi.”

Sebastian held the door open a bit farther and gestured for her to come in. Lila walked across the threshold, peering around the room. The walls were painted a dark charcoal, with various posters hung about. A large bookcase was placed in the corner by his desk, which housed a jumble of coffee mugs and papers.

Sebastian turned to close the door, but Robin stuck out her foot and said, “I ran into Abby at the store and she said she was looking for you.”

“Did you tell her I’m working?”

“I did, but she said she would stop by anyways,” Robin said before heading back up the stairs.

Sebastian sighed and closed the door. “No one takes my job seriously.”

“Oh, I didn’t realize you were busy,” Lila turned to face him. “I can come back later.”

“It’s not a big deal. Just give me a sec to finish what I was working on.”

Lila watched Sebastian as he walked over to his desk and started typing. Lila walked over to the bookcase and craned her neck towards his computer screen, curious to see what he was working on. She couldn’t see much from that angle so she focused her attention on the bookcase. It was full of various video games, comics, and books. Lila turned her head to the side as she inspected the titles of sci-fi novels. There were a few she recognized and others she had never heard of. One with a deep purple spine caught her eye and she pulled it off the shelf, inspecting the back cover.

“Sorry about that,” Sebastian said as he got up from his chair. “I had to finish a project for a client. I spent my entire weekend working on it.”

_He didn’t text me because he was working, duh._

“What kind of project?” Lila asked curiously.

“Oh, I’m a freelance programmer. But I guess you didn’t know that about me.”

 _There’s apparently a lot I don’t know about you_.

“That’s amazing,” Lila said. “Did you study programming in college?”

“I’m actually self taught,” Sebastian rubbed at his neck. “I know I would have a six figure job by now if I had decided to go to college, but the whole corporate lifestyle isn’t really my thing.”

_I bet you’d look good in a suit though._

“You a Stokes fan?” He nodded to her hand.

“What?” Lila asked then looked down at the book she forgot she was holding. “Oh! No, I just thought it looked interesting.”

Sebastian took a step closer and turned his head trying to read the title. “The Radical Armada. That’s, uh, one of my favorites. Anthony Stokes is a great author.”

“I’ll have to look into it,” Lila said, placing the book back in its rightful spot.

“You could borrow it.”

“Uh, I don’t know. I don’t really have much time to read.”

“You won’t regret it,” Sebastian said. “And we could, uh, talk about it once you finish it.”

“Okay.” Lila smiled as she pulled the book off the shelf and reached to put it in her backpack, which reminded her why she was there in the first place.

“Oh, I almost forgot!” Lila said, rummaging in her backpack. “I come bearing gifts.”

She pulled the potato out of her backpack and handed it to him.

Sebastian looked at it then raised an eyebrow at Lila, “Um, a potato?”

“Yeah, isn’t that what you wanted?”

“I didn’t sleepily text you asking for a potato, did I?”

“No there was a request on the board in town and…”

Heat blossomed in Lila’s cheeks as she slowly began to realize that Sebastian wasn’t the one who put the post on the board. It must have been some sort of joke.

Sebastian sighed and ran a hand over his face. “I’m going to _kill_ Sam.”

“I’m sorry, I’m an idiot. I’ll just go.”

Lila turned away, keeping her gaze on the ground, and left Sebastian’s room.

“Lila,” Sebastian called after her.

Lila didn’t bother turning around. She ran up the stairs two at a time, passing Robin’s desk without making eye contact, then broke into a jog down the gravel path leading back to the farm.

 

~

 

Sebastian snatched his phone from his desk and immediately texted Sam.

**You’re fucking dead.**

**?**

Sebastian took a picture of the potato sitting on his desk and hit send.

          Sam sent back a crying laughing emoji.

**I’m going to punch you so hard in the face that even Jodi won’t be able to recognize you.**

**Hey, now. I’m just trying to help here.**

**How is this helping?**

**Because you wouldn’t have talked to her on your own.**

**I’ve been talking to her on my own just fine until you fucked it all up.**

**I’m having trouble believing that.**

**She was so embarrassed. She must hate me now.**

**Damn, sorry bro. I was just trying to help you get her number. That’s all.**

**I already got her number.**

**WHAT**

**WHEN**

**Friday night.**

**WHY DIDN’T YOU TELL ME**

**I didn’t think I needed to share every detail of this with you.**

**Fuck, why are you texting me then?!**

**Text her!**

**NOW**

 

~

 

Lila flung her backpack on her bed and sat on the floor, hugging her knees to her chest. She was stupid to think Sebastian had wanted to see her and didn’t know how to say it. She should have known better. Not that it mattered now because she was never going to be able to show her face around him ever again.

Lila dropped her head to her knees and closed her eyes, trying to hold back her tears of embarrassment. Then she felt a nuzzle on her arm. She glanced up and Chai sat there looking at her.

“Don’t give me that look,” Lila said as she reached over and scratched under his chin. He started purring. “The last thing I need is you judging me.”

Chai nuzzled her hand again, demanding more pets.

A knock at the door made Chai’s ears perk up. Lila wiped her eyes with the back of her hand as she got up from her spot to open the door.

She was surprised to find a familiar face with dark hair leaning against the doorway, out of breath.

“You’re not an idiot,” Sebastian said before Lila could say anything. He put a hand on his side. “Fuck, I haven’t ran that fast in a long time.”

He looked up at her, his blue eyes dancing between hers. Lila hoped he couldn’t tell she had started crying. She looked down at the ground and crossed her arms. “What do you want?”

“To explain,” he said, still struggling to catch his breath. “I didn’t put that post up. It was Sam. If anyone’s an idiot, it’s him. Not you.”

Lila looked at him. It was nearly impossible to tell if he was lying. “Why would he post that?”

Sebastian didn’t respond right away. Then he closed his eyes and sighed. “He was mad you showed him up while playing pool.”

“That seems a bit dramatic,” Lila said, still uncertain if she believed him.

“Sam’s dramatic,” Sebastian looked at her again. When Lila didn’t respond, he added, “I’m sorry if you felt embarrassed.”

Lila studied his face. He seemed sincere. At least, that’s what she wanted to believe. He wouldn’t have gone through the trouble of showing up at her house if he wasn’t, right?

“I’ll forgive you if you help me,” she finally said.

“Help you with what?”

A mischievous smile worked its way across Lila’s face. “Getting revenge.”

 

~

 

Though Sebastian was still furious with Sam, the situation ended up working out in his favor. He was spending time with Lila while giving Sam the retribution he deserved. He still felt lousy for lying, but Sebastian didn’t have enough confidence to tell Lila the real reason Sam posted that stupid request.

_He was trying to help me talk to you because I’m a pathetic loser._

Yet, he was beginning to think that would have been a better explanation. Even though Lila no longer seemed mad at him, there was a lingering tension in the air between them. She avoided his gaze and didn’t seem like her usual self.

Sebastian didn’t want to pry, but he had to ask. “Are you mad at me?”

“Why would I be mad at you?” Lila kept her gaze forward as they approached Sam’s house.

“Because of, uh, earlier.”

Lila shrugged. “I’m not mad. I just…Ugh, never mind.”

Sebastian stepped in front of her, forcing her to stop in her place. Lila shot him a look of defiance.

“Tell me,” he pressed on.

“It’s nothing,” Lila tried stepping around him, but Sebastian moved in her way again. “Seriously, it’s nothing.”

Sebastian leaned down so their eyes were level. “You’re lying.”

“Am not.”

“Then why are you acting…different.”

“I’m not acting different.”

“You have yet to say anything sarcastic or clever.”

“Sorry, my well of witty retorts must be empty.”

Sebastian smiled at her and Lila rolled her eyes. “I’m fine, really. And I’ll feel even better once I avenge my pride.”

Sebastian still didn’t believe her, but he stepped out of her way.

“Are you sure he’s going to fall for this?” Lila asked once they reached Sam’s house.

“Absolutely,” Sebastian looked at the pizza box Lila held in her hands and then up to her face. “You just have to be the one to give it to him. He won’t suspect you.”

Lila frowned. “I kind of feel guilty.”

“You were enthusiastic a moment ago.”

“I know. I just - ugh, this might sound stupid. I just don’t want them to hate me.”

“They won’t,” Sebastian reassured her. “Honestly, you might become Abby’s hero after this.”

Lila smiled at him. It was genuine this time. The kind of smile that reached her eyes and made them glint like pieces of gold. “Alright, let’s do this.”

 

~

 

Sam barely noticed when Lila and Sebastian entered his room. His attention was focused on tuning his guitar, which Lila didn’t even know he played. Lila spotted a familiar purple haired girl lying on the bed against the wall, lounging while playing on her phone. Abby looked over when she heard them come in. Her eyes widened when she spotted Lila standing behind Sebastian.

“Well, you’re the last person I would expect to show up here,” Abby grinned.

Sam looked up, finally noticing the two extra people in the room and said, “Oh, hey Lila.” He looked back down at his guitar, but gave Lila a double take when he noticed what was in her hands. “You brought pizza!”

Sam set his guitar down and snatched the box out of her hands before Lila could object. He balanced the box in one hand and used his other to open the box just enough to pull out a slice. “This is the best day ever.”

Sebastian looked at Lila and grinned. They simply watched as Sam took a bite and immediately froze.

“Something wrong, Sam?” Lila asked, trying to hold her laughter in.

Sam glared at them, walked over to the trash can, and spit out what was in his mouth. “What the fuck is on that?”

“Oh, it’s just a nice specialty made pizza with mayonnaise and pickles,” Sebastian said with a smirk. “You’re favorites.”

“Oh my Yoba,” Abby laughed hysterically.

Sam walked over to Sebastian and poked him in the chest. “You fucking asshole.”

Lila stepped forward, putting a shoulder between them. “If anyone’s the asshole, it’s me.”

Sam shot her a look. “You were in on this?!”

Lila shrugged, then took a seat next to Abby on the bed. “Consider us even for this morning.”

“I’m honestly impressed,” Sam said, looking between her and Sebastian. “You two are dangerous together. But how dare you disrespect the most amazing food on this planet by putting mayonnaise and pickles on it.”

Abby reached over the bed and picked up a slice. She took a bite and chewed for a few moments before she said, “Honestly, it’s not too bad. I’ve definitely had worse.”

“Abby stop, that’s disgusting.”

“It kind of tastes like a burger,” she willfully took another bite.

“I can’t watch, I’m going to vomit.” A disgusted look formed on Sam’s face, then he turned to Sebastian. “So are we still practicing or can you not bare the sight of me?”

“I’ll tolerate you for the sake of the band.”

Lila’s ear perked up at the mention of the word _band_. Then it started to make sense why Sam had a guitar, keyboard, and drum set in his room.

“Wait, you guys are in a _band_?” The words slipped from Lila’s mouth before she could stop them.

“I would hardly call them a band,” Abby said as she took another bite of pizza.

Sam crossed his arms. “Well maybe if our drummer actually participated.”

“I have better things to do with my time than practice with you losers.”

Sam and Abby continued to argue. Lila glanced over at Sebastian who was now avoiding her gaze, as if on cue. Why did he bring her here? Why had he failed to mention their band? Did he forget about practice? The doubts that Lila thought had subsided were beginning to resurface. She was feeling more and more uncomfortable. She was clearly intruding and it was best if she left.

“I should probably go,” Lila scooted off the bed and made her way towards the door. It seemed as though Sam and Abby hadn’t heard her because they continued to banter.

Sebastian took a step forward, blocking her way out. “You can stay and hang out if you want.”

“You guys are busy and I don’t want to be a bother.”

“You’re not,” he lowered his voice as if his friends were listening. “You should stay. I, uh, want you to.”

Lila tried to read the expression on his face, but failed.

“Okay,” she reluctantly said, then turned around and returned to her spot next to Abby, who seemed to finally be done arguing with Sam.

Sam and Sebastian began going over band related stuff and Lila couldn’t really do much but just watch. Abby leaned closer to her and smiled, “Are you ready to feel your ears bleed?”

“Are they really that bad?”

“Nah, I’m just teasing,” Abby said. “Though I’m thrilled Seb decided to bring you along. I’ve been in desperate need of another girl in this friend group.”

Lila found Abby’s words comforting. She was happy to know Abby was beginning to consider her a friend. It eased some of her nerves.

“Sam and Seb are great,” Abby continued. “But I’ve been in serious need of a girl to talk to. Maru is sweet, but she’s a bit of a buzzkill. Have you met Maru, Sebastian’s sister?”

“Briefly,” Lila said once Abby finally gave her a moment to respond. “But I haven’t been able to talk to her much. She’s always working at the clinic.”

“Yeah, she’s got a thing for Harvey,” Abby made a disgusted face. “Don’t mention it around Sebastian though. It makes him a bit mad. He’s protective of her even though he doesn’t like to show it.”

Sebastian didn’t seem like the type to be protective of his sister, especially because Lila had yet to see them interact. It only reinforced the fact that Lila knew barely anything about him. She was tempted to ask Abby more about Sebastian, since he rarely disclosed anything about himself, but decided against it. Lila just had to trust that he would open up to her eventually.

“The Flower Dance is super soon,” Abby said. “Have you thought about who you want to dance with?”

“Uh, no. I was actually thinking about skipping it.”

“You can’t skip it! It’s a tradition! Mayor Lewis would never forgive you.”

“I just thought I’d save myself the embarrassment of not having anyone to dance with.”

Abby looked over at the guys who were distracted, then turned back to Lila. That same suspicious grin made its way back to her face. “You should ask Sebastian.”

“He doesn’t seem like the type to liking dancing,” Lila responded, but then realized she should have chosen her words more carefully.

“Oh, he _hates_ dancing,” Abby grinned. “But I imagine he’d like dancing with you.”

Lila could feel heat flood across her face and neck. Her gaze subconsciously drifted over to Sebastian who was arguing with Sam about something.

 _I imagine he’d like dancing with you_ , Abby’s words echoed in her mind. Was she being serious or just teasing? Had he mentioned something about it to her?

Lila felt Abby lean in closer to her and whisper, “Now the most important question is: Who would you rather fuck, Sam or Sebastian?”

Lila snapped her head towards Abby. “What?”

It was only after the word escaped her that Lila realized she said it a lot louder than she meant to.

Abby laughed. “I’m just fucking with you, but oh my Yoba you should see your face.”

“What’s so funny over there?” Sam called over to them.

“Girl stuff,” Abby called back, sticking out her tongue. “No dicks allowed.”

Lila accidentally met eyes with Sebastian, who was watching her from where he sat in at the keyboard. She quickly looked away, Abby’s question still infecting her thoughts, and hoped her cheeks didn’t look as flushed as they felt.

 

~

 

The day’s last glimpse of sun lit the sky as Sebastian and Lila walked through the town. Lila was still avoiding eye contact and Sebastian was worried she was still upset. He had hoped asking her to stay and hang out at Sam’s would make Lila feel more comfortable around him and his friends, but Sebastian was beginning to think it did the opposite. Lila had seemed like she was having a good time even though he hadn’t gotten a chance to interact with her much. Maybe that was the cause of the lingering awkwardness between them. Sebastian just hoped Abby hadn’t said anything embarrassing to her.

Sebastian tried to think of something clever to say to break the silence. Was it weird to mention the weather? He could compliment her on something, like her hair, but how should he phrase it? Or maybe he could change the subject entirely and ask her a question about herself?

“A daffodil!” Lila squealed before Sebastian was able to think of anything to say. She ran off and plucked the flower from the grass. “I’ve been on the hunt for one of these for days!”

“You like daffodils?” he watched Lila fiddle with the flower.

“No, I actually prefer tulips,” Lila said. “But this is for the community center. I should stop by there and drop it off before I forget.”

Lila began to walk off, then turned around to face him. “Want to come with?”

“Uh, sure.”

 

The community center was even more run down than Sebastian remembered. The last time he was there had been years ago when Abby convinced him to go ghost hunting with her before the Spirit’s Eve Festival. Sam had been too scared to join them. He had said he didn’t want to anger any spirits or have any follow him home. The only thing Sebastian had been scared of was stepping on a nail and catching and infection.

Sebastian waited by the entrance for Lila to do whatever Mayor Lewis had convinced her was going to save this place.

 _It would take a wizard to save this dump_ , Sebastian thought as he eyed the growing vines and missing floorboards.

“All done,” Lila said as she appeared from the hallway and walked over to him. “Thanks for-”

Sebastian watched as Lila’s foot caught on one of the raised floorboards. He rushed to her side, but was too slow. She tripped and fell forward onto her hands. “Fuck.”

Sebastian grabbed her arm and helped pull her to standing. “Are you okay?”

Lila tried balancing on her own but then winced in pain when she leaned onto her left foot. “Fuck, I think I twisted my ankle.” She reached up, gripped Sebastian’s shoulder, and slightly leaned into him. “I’ll have to go to Harvey’s.”

“The clinic’s already closed,” Sebastian said, trying to help Lila maintain her balance. “But you could come back to my house. Maru works at the clinic so I’m sure she could help.”

“Okay,” Lila said as she let go of his shoulder and tried to walk on her own with a noticeable limp.

Sebastian moved to Lila’s side again and hesitated before wrapping an arm around her waist. Lila leaned into his side and looked up at him. They were so close. It was difficult for Sebastian to relish the moment since he was more concerned Lila could hear his heart hammering against his ribs. His voice slightly wavered as he said, “It’ll only make it worse if you walk on it.”

Lila narrowed her eyes at him. “Do you expect me to hop on one leg all the way to your house?”

“It’s not that far. I could, uh, carry you.”

Lila laughed, but then stopped when she realized he wasn’t laughing with her.

“Wait, you’re being serious.”

“You really shouldn’t walk on it.”

“I’m not making you carry me.”

“You’re not making me do anything, I’m offering.”

“Oh my Yoba,” Lila covered her face with her free hand. “This is easily the most embarrassing thing to ever happen to me. At least while sober.”

“More embarrassing than showing up at my house with a potato?”

Lila glared at him and pressed her lips to a line.

“Sorry,” Sebastian couldn’t help but smile when she looked at him like that. “I just wanted to try and make this seem less embarrassing for you.”

“Ugh, fine,” Lila sighed. “Turn around.”

Sebastian raised an eyebrow at her.

“Well, I’m definitely not letting you carry me like a baby or a sack of potatoes.” Lila balanced on her good foot and poked his shoulder.

Sebastian complied without objection. He turned around and lowered slightly to account for their height difference. His entire body tensed as he felt Lila’s arms brush over his shoulders and cross in front of him. Distracted, Sebastian didn’t notice when Lila shortened her grasp around his neck. Sebastian coughed at the feeling of Lila practically choking him and pulled on her wrist.

“Shit, sorry. I haven’t been carried like this since I was like ten.”

Sebastian couldn’t think of anything clever to say. He was too focused on Lila’s body pressed against his. He hooked his arms under her knees and lifted her up. The sensation of her breath against his ear sent an ill-timed surge of desire through his entire body.

 _Please, not right now_ , Sebastian tried to focus.

“If you even think about touching my ass, I’ll choke you.” Lila whispered.

Sebastian hadn’t even thought about that, but it was all he could think about now.

_FOCUS._

“I’m just kidding,” she laughed.

Sebastian laughed with her. Not because he thought it was funny, but because he couldn’t form coherent thoughts let alone words.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading and let me know what you think! :)


	4. Closer

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sebastian brings Lila to his house in hopes his sister can help with her injury. Maru orders Lila to stay the night, which forces her and Sebastian to spend time together.

Chapter Four

 

 _This was a terrible idea_ , Sebastian thought as he focused his gaze on the path ahead of him, trying to ignore the brush of Lila’s breath on his neck and the pressure of her chest pressed against his back.

Sebastian released a sigh of relief when the silhouette of his house came into view.

He set Lila down gently and helped her balance as he fiddled in his pockets for his keys. The warmth from her body still lingered on his back as he guided her to one of the seats in the front room. He could feel the intensity of her eyes fixed on him. But he didn’t dare meet her gaze, afraid something dangerous would spark. Then without a word, he went searching for his sister.

 

“Knock much?” Maru looked over her shoulder and glared at where Sebastian stood in the doorway.

He leaned against it and crossed his arms. “Lila twisted her ankle and the clinic’s closed. Do you mind taking a look at it?”

Maru turned from her desk to face him. “Sure. Is she at home?”

Sebastian rubbed at his neck. “I, uh, brought her here.”

“Should I even ask?” A smile pulled at the corner of Maru’s mouth.

“She tripped.”

“Uh huh.” Maru got up from her desk and walked towards him, the smile on her face growing wider. “Did you ask Mom if it was okay to bring your girlfriend to the house?”

Sebastian rolled his eyes. “She’s not my girlfriend.”

“Well, Mom and Dad took the night off to go to the city. Mom mentioned something about needing some time off before her next big project.”

“I don’t see how this has anything to do with the current situation.”

Maru tilted her head, crossed her arms, then said, “Oh, I thought this was a ruse to get Lila to spend the night at the house.”

“No, she seriously fucked up her ankle.”

“Then what are we standing here chatting for?” Maru scolded as she walked past Sebastian and down the hall.

 

Sebastian and Maru helped Lila down to the basement and sat her on Sebastian’s bed. As if the night couldn’t get anymore embarrassing, Sebastian was beginning to realize how dirty his room seemed with all coffee mugs and junk cluttered about. While Maru wrapped Lila’s ankle, he tried to tidy a bit. Not that it would do much but give him some peace of mind that Lila didn’t think he was some sort of trash hermit.

“The biggest thing is to avoid putting any direct pressure on it,” Maru said as she raised Lila’s ankle with a pillow and set an ice pack on it. “So I hope you’re comfortable because you’re not moving from this spot.”

It took Lila a moment to understand Maru’s words.  “But I can’t stay here.”

“Well you are, whether you want to or not.” Maru smiled.

Lila turned her head to Sebastian, meeting his eyes for the first time since the community center.  “Where are you going to sleep?”

“On the floor,” He looked away and shrugged. “Or I’ll just stay up all night. I’ve done it before.”

Lila shook her head, then scooted to the edge of the bed. “I’ve been enough of an annoyance.”

Maru put a hand on Lila’s shoulder to stop her. “This is the worst time to be stubborn. Do you want your ankle to heal or not?”

“But-”

Maru shook her head. Lila sighed in defeat and returned to her spot on Sebastian’s bed, sitting up and leaning her back on the headboard.

“I’ll check on it again in the morning to determine if you need to see Harvey,” Maru said as she gathered her extra supplies.

“Thanks.”

“Don’t mention it,” Maru smiled at Lila again, then gave Sebastian a stern look before heading back upstairs.

 

Sebastian hadn’t moved from where he stood in the center of his room. Thankfully, Lila was too preoccupied scratching at the bandage on her ankle to notice him awkwardly standing there like an idiot. He sighed then rolled his desk chair over by his bed and sat down.

“What now?” Sebastian thought he said in his head, but apparently said it aloud.

“Change my name and enter witness protection,” Lila said as fiddled with her bandage. “Actually, can you ask Maru if she has some sort of sedative? That way I don’t have to consciously live through this.”

“It’s really not that big of a deal.” Sebastian laughed to hide his nervousness.

It was a big deal. A huge deal, actually. He was just desperately trying to make it not seem that way. Sebastian just hoped his mind could refrain from letting his internal screaming escape until tomorrow morning.

“I’ve ruined your night,” Lila continued. “You probably have stuff to work on.”

“I actually don’t have any projects right now.”

“Well, you can’t deny that you’d rather be doing anything other than this right now.”

Sebastian tightened the reins on the part of his mind that wanted to think about what he’d rather be doing with Lila in his bed. The last thing he needed was for his mind to slip and imagine her…

 _FOCUS_.

Lila looked over at him, waiting for his response. Sebastian cleared his throat.

“Lila. Honestly, it’s fine.”

It wasn’t fine. It was torture.

She sighed and crossed her arms. “Tell me something embarrassing.”

“About?”

“About you, obviously.”

Sebastian narrowed his eyes at her. “No way.”

“Please,” Lila pouted. “It’ll make me feel better.”

Sebastian sighed and said the first thing that came to mind before he regretted it. “When we were younger, I used to let Maru practice putting mascara on my eyelashes.”

A playful smile formed on Lila’s mouth and Sebastian immediately regretted disclosing anything with her.

“That’s cute,” she said. It was the last thing Sebastian expected her to say.

He tilted his head to the side. “How is that cute?”

“Because it shows you love your sister. I couldn’t pay my brother to let me do that.”

“You have a brother?”

Lila nodded. “He’s three years older than me and the biggest pain in the ass. He’s very much the ‘I know what’s best because I’m older’ kind of brother.”

“So what kind does that make me?” Sebastian crossed his arms. “The push over kind?”

Lila shook her head then smiled at him, “The sweet kind.”

Sebastian looked down at the ground and felt a familiar twist in his stomach.

 _What the fuck do I say to that?_ He thought. _Thanks? Was it even considered a compliment?_

Instead of saying anything, Sebastian got up from his chair and walked over to his desk. Lila looked over at him as he fiddled with some items on his desk and unplugged his laptop.

“What are you doing?”

“Just grabbing this,” Sebastian held up his laptop cradled under his arm and walked back over to his bed. He hesitated for a moment before pushing the chair out of the way and sitting in the empty spot next to Lila, leaning against the headboard. Lila pushed up on her hands and scooted closer to him. She watched as he booted up the computer.

“What your favorite show?” Sebastian asked as he looked over at her.

“That’s a difficult question to answer,” Lila tilted her head up and met his eyes. “Like ever?”

“Just pick something for us to watch. To pass the time.”

“Uh.”

“Whatever comes to mind.”

“No pressure.”

“Just pick something.”

“I don’t even know what you like, how am I supposed to choose without all the information I need to make an informed decision?”

“It doesn’t matter what I like. You’re the one with the busted ankle.”

“I don’t want you to judge me.”

“How could I ever judge you after today?”

“Quit being an ass.” Lila poked him in the side. Sebastian squirmed and narrowed his eyes at her. She stuck her tongue out at him.

“Choose. Please.”

Lila sighed. “Have you ever seen Avatar?”

“The benders or the blue people?”

“The benders, obviously.”

“Hold on,” Sebastian got up from the bed for a moment and returned with the bluray in his hand.

“No way,” Lila said. “You own it?”

“It was one of Maru’s favorites when she was younger,” he paused for a moment then added, “And mine.”

Sebastian started the first episode, but was distracted by the proximity he was to Lila. Even though a few inches separated them, he could feel the warmth of her body near his. He wanted to lean closer to her, even if only their legs touched.

“I’ll never forgive the creators for Zuko’s hair in season one,” Lila said.

Sebastian laughed. “Let me guess, he’s your favorite.”

“Are you judging me?” Lila snapped her gaze over to him.

“No, just making an inference. So am I right?”

Lila pursed her lips. “Maybe.”

Sebastian grinned.  

“What did I say about being an ass?” Lila went to poke him in the side again, but Sebastian caught her wrist. It was tiny in his grasp, delicate. Her skin was soft and warm. He held her longer than he should have, then released his grasp.

Heat rose to his face, then he said, “Sorry.”

Sebastian could see Lila watching him in his periphery. He focused his gaze at the screen in front of him even though he had stopped paying attention to the show a while ago.

“Do you think I'm annoying?” Lila asked.

“What?” The question startled Sebastian. Had he done something to make her think that?

She re-phrased the question. “Does my presence annoy you?”

“No,” he looked over to her. “Why would you think that?”

Lila scrunched her mouth to one side of her face and shrugged. “I can't help but feel like I'm constantly intruding on your life. I steal your cigarettes, I bother you and your friends, I invade your personal space because I’m a clutz.”

He shook his head. “You're not.”

“You don't have me convinced,” Lila frowned.

Sebastian tried to think of the best way to phrase what he wanted to say. “I was just... I just, uh, don't know what to say to you sometimes.”

“You could say anything. I'm not as scary as I seem.”

“Anything,” Sebastian said in an attempt to rid Lila of the frown on her face. It worked.

She smiled. “Smartass.”

“And you are scary.”

“It's just my face,” Lila rolled her eyes. “You'll get used to it.”

“It's absolutely not your face.”

“Then?”

Sebastian sighed and rubbed at his neck. He really dug himself into a hole this time. “It's just, uh, so easy to talk to you. Too easy. Like I've, uh, known you much longer than I actually have.”

“And that's a bad thing?”

“No, it’s just weird for me. People make me anxious. But I don't feel that way around you. It's scary.”

Lila smiled and Sebastian looked away, focusing back at the screen. It was scary how easy it was to talk to her once Sebastian felt comfortable. She had this bizarre way of easing his nerves while also making him very nervous. It defied Sebastian’s logic, but he was beginning to accept the fact that this girl was a living paradox for him. He wanted to say more to her, but was afraid he’d scare her away. Very few people stuck around after he opened up to them, and he wanted to keep spending time with her.

After another two episodes, Lila brought a hand up to her face and yawned. She re-positioned herself, leaning closer to Sebastian, and rested her head on his shoulder. Sebastian went completely still. Heat rose from his neck to his face. Blood pounded in his ears.

“Thank you for doing this,” Lila said softly.

“Anytime.”

He slowly let out a deep breath in hopes it would still his nerves, then leaned into Lila slightly and rested his head on hers. Her hair smelled like vanilla and wildflowers. He had an urge to reach over and run his fingers through it, tempted to know if it felt as soft as it looked.

For a moment it felt like they were in their own little world.

After a few minutes, Sebastian felt Lila’s head grow heavy on his shoulder. Her breathing had slowed. He leaned forward a little, glancing at her face. Her eyes were closed, her lips slightly parted. Sebastian gently closed his laptop and placed it on the floor next to his bed, moving carefully so he wouldn’t wake her.

He sat there for a moment, perplexed on what to do. He would have stayed in that position all night if his leg hadn’t started cramping. He needed to get up, but didn’t want to startle her.

“Lila,” he whispered in an attempt to wake her up. Then he nudged her lightly. “Lila.”

She didn’t move a muscle.

 _She must be a heavy sleeper_ , he thought. Well, he hoped as he tilted his body and moved his shoulder out from under her head. He cradled her face in his hand. Her skin was warm against his palm. Her hair felt like silk as it grazed over his arm. He gently rested her head on the pillow beneath her.

He watched her for a moment, admiring how at ease she looked. Then looked away, embarrassed at how creepy the situation would seem if she woke up. He grabbed the blanket at the foot of his bed and gently covered her. Then whispered, “Good night, Lila.”

Sebastian thought about texting Sam, but decided against it. He wanted to keep this moment to himself, even just for tonight.

 

~

 

Lila awoke to the pungent smell of freshly brewed coffee.

Still disoriented from sleep, she briefly forgot where she was. She drowsily rubbed her eyes and took in her surroundings. Her mind slowly recognized the posters hanging on the walls and the smell of cedar and cigarettes on the sheets.

She shifted onto her back, reaching a hand out next to her, but was disappointed to find the space empty. A small part of her hoped he would have fallen asleep next to her, but the sheets were cold against her palm. Lila propped up on her hands and looked about the room, searching for a familiar face with dark hair, but Sebastian was nowhere to be found. She noticed the pillow and blanket on the floor and felt a pang of guilt.

Lila gently scooted to the edge of the bed and tested her bad foot. There was a slight soreness, but not as bad as yesterday. She pushed off the bed and balanced most of her weight on her good foot.

She noticed a mostly full pot of coffee sitting on the desk along with two mugs, a carton of cream, and sugar. One of the mugs appeared to have been used, but the other was clean. There was a note next to it scribbled on a piece of scrap paper. It read: “Wasn’t sure how you took your coffee. -Seb”.

She traced the letters with her fingertips and smiled. Seb? Was that a sign that it was okay for her to use that nickname? Were they friends now?

Lila decided to hold off on the coffee for now and instead search for a bathroom. She hoped there was one in the basement because she didn’t want to risk handling the stairs alone.

Lila carefully walked over to the door adjacent to the one that led upstairs. It could have been a closet for all she knew, but she had to give it a try. She turned the knob without much thought and was pleasantly surprised to find that it was indeed a bathroom. A bathroom with a freshly showered Sebastian, covered in nothing but the towel slung around his hips, standing in it.

He snapped his head to where Lila stood in the doorway. Her eyes traced over his broad shoulders, then down his chest and abs, lingering a little longer just below his waist. She stared for longer than she should have before her mind registered what was happening.

“Holy shit, sorry!” Lila said as she covered her eyes and turned around. The sudden shift of weight onto her bad foot caused her to lose balance and almost fall on her ass. Lila clutched doorway and felt a hand on her arm steady her.

“Careful or you’ll break your leg next,” Sebastian said, placing a hand on her back.

 _Or snap my neck if I’m lucky_ , she thought.

Lila reluctantly looked up and met Sebastian’s worried gaze. She fought every urge in her body that wanted her gaze to drift past his neck. Lila swallowed hard. Then Abby’s words from yesterday invaded in her mind, _Who would you rather fuck, Sam or Sebastian?_

“I, uh, didn’t mean to...” Lila stumbled over her words. “I didn’t know...”

Sebastian released his hold on her and pushed his damp hair out of his eyes. “It’s not your fault. I’m not used to locking the door down here.”

Then, at the worst possible moment, Maru peeked from behind the door that led upstairs. “I heard a scream. I thought Lila might have fell or…” She looked between Sebastian and Lila and raised her brows. “And now I’m going to pretend I never came down here.”

They both watched as Maru shut the door behind her and walked back upstairs, but the awkwardness lingered in the air. 


	5. Ocean Eyes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Walking in on Sebastian half naked has made things awkward for Lila since she can't seem to stop thinking about it. 
> 
> Sebastian takes Lila home and helps her with farm stuff.

Chapter Five

 

Lila sat on Sebastian’s bed and sipped at her coffee. It was lukewarm and she had made the mistake of adding too much cream and sugar in an attempt to make it bearable—it only made it worse. She brought the cup to her lips and took another sip. It truly tasted terrible, but she hoped it would work a miracle on the knot in her stomach.

 _I couldn’t have knocked like a normal human_? she thought. Lila knew dwelling on the situation would only make things more awkward, but she couldn’t help but feel like she ruined the progress they made last night. Just when she finally got Sebastian to open up to her, she had to go fuck it all up because she forgot basic manners.

The sound of the bathroom door opening pulled Lila out of her thoughts. Sebastian stepped out, hair still wet, and walked over to his desk to pour himself a cup of coffee. He was fully clothed in his usual all black attire, but it did little to help. Even hiding under his hoodie couldn’t erase the image permanently burned in Lila’s skull. She would never be able to unsee him practically naked in a towel. Even now, her eyes subconsciously grazed over him, her mind imagining…

Sebastian turned around to face her and Lila immediately looked down at her feet.

“How’s the coffee?” he casually asked as if nothing happened minutes ago.

Maybe Lila was making this into a bigger deal than it was. They were both adults. It’s not like she had seen him naked. Though, she immediately regretted even planting that thought in her head.

 _Act normal._  

“Uh, it’s coffee,” she laughed nervously and took another sip.

_Smooth._

“This is absolute shit compared to what they have in the city.”

“I wouldn’t know. I’m not much of a coffee person.”

“Then how do you survive mornings?”

Lila shrugged. “Good tea and a strong will, I guess.”

Lila looked up at him, accidentally meeting his eyes, then looked away. Heat rose to her face.

“So, uh, how’s your ankle?”

“Better.” She stuck her foot out and flexed it. “I can at least somewhat walk.”

“We should probably have Maru check it. Hopefully you won’t need to go to the clinic.”

Lila nodded.

“I can help you up the stairs,” Sebastian said as he set his mug down and walked over to her, extending his hand.

Lila considered his outstretched hand and instead of taking it, placed her coffee mug in it and got up on her own. “I should be fine.”

She balanced her weight, trying to show Sebastian that she didn’t need his help, but the noticeable limp she walked with didn’t seem to convince him. Sebastian reached for her arm, but Lila pulled away in defiance. The last thing she needed was for him to touch her, especially since it was taking all of her control to keep thoughts of him from intruding her mind.

Sebastian gave her a disapproving look. “Let me help you,” he said, holding out his hand again.

“I can do it on my own,” Lila insisted as she limped over to the door.

“You are the most stubborn person I’ve ever met,” Sebastian called to her.

She ignored him. This wasn’t a matter of stubbornness, but rather a matter of distancing herself from him to clear her head. To focus. Lila paused for a moment, took a deep breath, then opened the door leading upstairs.

The stairs seemed daunting, practically impossible for her to navigate on her own, but Lila was determined to reach the top without Sebastian’s help. She could feel his presence behind her, watching her. But she didn’t dare acknowledge him.

Lila put all her focus on the task at hand. One foot at a time, she ascended the stairs at a snail’s pace. She gripped and leaned into the wall when she had to shift her weight to her bad foot, which made her grimace from the throbbing soreness.

 _Shit, what was I thinking?_ She thought as pain radiated in her ankle. _I can’t do this._

Lila barely got halfway up the stairs before she stopped and took a seat on the step. Sebastian sat down next to her. She could feel him looking at her, but she kept her gaze down at her feet.

“Will you let me help you now?” he asked softly. The question sounded genuine, not a jab at her stubbornness.

Lila sighed then reluctantly nodded.

Sebastian stood up and extended a hand to her. Lila gripped it and a tingle shot up her arm from the feeling of his skin on hers. He helped pull her to standing, then slung her arm over his shoulder and wrapped his arm around her waist. Warmth gathered where he held her and Lila felt her control slip. Her mind drifted, thinking about what it would feel like if his hand slipped under her shirt and grazed her bare skin.

Lila tilted her head up and met eyes with him. She couldn't get over how blue they were. Like nature somehow found a way to encapsulate the ocean in his irises. The damp ends of his hair fell over his forehead. Lila felt an urge to reach up and push it out of his face, but she clenched her free hand into a fist instead.

_Focus._

“You good?” he finally asked her. Lila simply nodded and hoped he didn’t notice her staring.

They ascended the rest of the stairs in silence. When they reached the top, Maru greeted them on her way to the lab.

“Oh, perfect timing,” she said, balancing an armful of papers. “I should probably check your ankle.”

Lila moved out from Sebastian’s hold and took a seat in the front room.

Maru pulled down the bandage from the night before and examined Lila’s ankle, moving her foot in a circle and testing different amounts of pressure. “Does it hurt?”

“Not as bad as yesterday,” Lila said. “It’s mostly soreness except for when I try to stand directly on it.”

“Okay, you shouldn’t need to go to the clinic,” Maru said as she re-bandaged Lila’s ankle. “But you should take a few days off work so you can heal properly.”

“That’s impossible,” Lila laughed. “The farm isn’t going to tend itself.”

“The longer is takes you to rest, the longer it’ll take for it to completely heal.”

“The longer I rest, the smaller my profit.”

“It'd only be a few days. You’ll be good to return to work by the end of the week. _Or_ you could not listen and mess it up even more. Then you’ll have to actually see Harvey _and_ you might need crutches.”

Lila sighed. She didn’t want to admit it, but Maru was right. She couldn’t risk a long term injury.

“Fine,” she finally said.

Maru smiled and rose to her feet. “If anything else comes up, let me know.”

“Thanks again.”

“Of course.” Maru gave her one last smile before returning to the lab.

“It's going to take me a century to walk home like this,” Lila motioned to her ankle then looked up at Sebastian and pointed a finger at him. “And don’t you dare say you’ll carry me again.”

“Well my mom and Demetrius have the truck,” Sebastian said, uncrossing his arms. “But I can take you on my bike.”

Lila paused for a moment, hoping she misheard him. “Your bike?”

“Yeah.”

She narrowed her eyes at him and let out a small laugh. “I might be short, but I don’t think I’m small enough to fit in the basket of a bicycle.”

Sebastian shook his head and grinned like he was hiding something.

“Why are you looking at me like that?”

“You’ll see.” He turned to the door leading to what Lila assumed was the garage. She slowly followed behind him, avoiding putting too much pressure on her ankle.

Sebastian flicked on the lights in the garage and walked over to something oddly shaped covered by a black fabric. Lila quickly realized he didn’t mean bike as in bicycle. She watched him slip the cover off to unveil a motorcycle.

“ _You have a fucking motorcycle_.” The words slipped out before she could stop them, her tone sounding a bit more accusatory than she meant.

“Is that a problem?” A smirk formed on his face and Lila felt a strange pang in her stomach.

_I think my ovaries just exploded._

“What other secrets are you hiding?”

“If I told you, I’d have to kill you.”

“You probably already want to kill me since I’ve only brought misery to your life so far.”

“You haven’t even caused me a fraction of the misery Sam has.”

“Yet,” Lila added as she moved down the steps and over to the bike. It was matte black with parts accented in red. Lila noticed a familiar logo on the fuel tank and turned to Sebastian, who was handing her a spare helmet. “Indian,” she said. “Interesting choice. Is this the scout or cruiser?”

He pulled the helmet away from her and raised an eyebrow. “How did you...”

“You think you’re the only one with secrets?” Lila smiled as she leaned forward and snatched the helmet from his hands. “My dad has a Honda, which is decent. Definitely not as pretty though.”

“Huh,” Sebastian said, still staring at her with that stupid smile on his face.

“What?”

“Nothing,” he quickly answered then said, “So you’ve ridden one before.”

“I have,” Lila examined the helmet in her hands. “But I hate helmets. They mess up my hair.”

“Too bad.”

“It’s not like it’s that far…”

“You’re not gonna be an organ donor today,” he said, slipping on his helmet and popping the face shield. “Put it on or I’ll threaten to carry you.”

Lila rolled her eyes then slipped on the helmet. She watched Sebastian back out of the garage, then lean back in his seat, waiting for her. She stared at him for a moment and let the dread of the impending physical contact take root in her stomach. Lila slowly walked towards the bike and hesitated before sliding in behind him, too conscious of how close their bodies were.

Sebastian turned his head over his shoulder, mouth moving, but Lila didn't catch what he said.

She lifted the face shield of her helmet. “What?”

“You’ll have to hold on tight since your balance is all fucked with your ankle.”

_Just what I need._

She took a deep breath before wrapping her arms around his waist and leaned further into him, lifting her feet onto the footpegs. Distracted by the smell of cedar and cigarettes on his clothes, she got startled when they jerked into motion. Lila abruptly clutched onto Sebastian and she felt him laugh against his ribs. A blush warmed her cheeks and she wondered if he had done it on purpose.

 

~

 

“Well thanks for dropping me off,” Lila said as she handed Sebastian her helmet and ran a hand through her dark hair. It fell over her shoulder in soft waves. He remembered when it brushed over his arm the night before, the thought sent a chill through his body. He blinked a few times when he noticed Lila giving him a confused look. He must’ve been staring off.

Sebastian grabbed the helmet from her, set it on his bike, then pulled off his own. “I’m obviously staying.”

Lila cocked her head to the side. “What?”

“You’re injured.”

“I’m fine.”

“If something were to happen to you, I’d feel awful.”

“You’ve almost spent the last 24 hours with me.”

“So?”

Lila crossed her arms. “Aren’t you tired of me?”

“I'm not even close to being tired of you,” he said then tried to play it off by quickly adding, “We're friends.”

“Don’t tell me you’re thinking about doing all my farm work.” When Sebastian didn’t answer she sighed and continued, “Do you expect me to just sit around and watch you?”

“Lila, you can barely walk. How are you going to water all of those?” He gestured to the plots of crops in the distance.

Lila pressed her thumb and index finger between her brows and sighed. “Seb, I really appreciate everything but I can’t ask you do to that.”

“My mother raised me better than to leave a crippled girl to tend to her farm by herself.” Sebastian smiled, but Lila’s facial expression didn’t change. He knew she was stubborn, but he hoped it was a ruse to hide her interest. Like a weird form of flirting. But the irritation in her tone made him feel like he was overstepping some boundary. Maybe she was the one growing tired of him. It wouldn’t be the first time it happened.

“If you want me to go, I’ll go.” Sebastian lifted his arms to put his helmet back on, but Lila grabbed him before he could. She looked up at him, eyes searching his face.

“It’s nothing personal,” she said softly, her eyes lacking their usual fierceness. “I just have a hard time accepting help from other people.”

“It’s fine. I can go.” He attempted to put his helmet on again, but Lila tightened her grasp on his arm.

She sighed and curled a section of hair behind her ear. “I would appreciate it if you stayed, but I have to repay you somehow.”

“That’s not necessary,” Sebastian said as he set the helmet down on his bike.

“Please,” Lila insisted.

“Okay,” he gave in, appreciating her attempt at reaching a consensus. “How about we hang out when I’m done.”

Lila narrowed her eyes at him again. “That doesn’t seem like a fair trade.”

“Then what would you suggest?”

“I could pay you.”

Sebastian shook his head. “Not happening.”

“What kind of person turns down money?”

“You’re my friend.”

“And you’re a stubborn ass.”

“I could say the same about you,” Sebastian smiled, hoping Lila would mirror the expression, but she pressed her lips to a line instead. Then he added, “but I won’t because I’m nice.”  

“Have you ever done farm work before?”

“Nope, but have some faith in me, Lila.”

She considered him for a moment, then said, “Fine, you have a deal.”

She held out her hand and Sebastian shook it. He held on a bit longer than he should have. His fingers brushed against her palm as he pulled away, sending a shiver up his arm. He didn’t linger on it for long, in case she noticed.

“Where should I start?”

Lila pointed past him at the patches of parsnips. “Those parsnips need to be harvested. Then new seeds need to be planted. And everything needs to be watered.”

“That’s it?”

Lila finally laughed, causing a flutter to emerge beneath Sebastian’s ribs. “Doesn’t seem like much until you actually start.”

“Okay: harvest, plant, water. Got it.” Sebastian repeated the steps aloud then pulled his hoodie over his head and handed it to Lila. She hesitated for a moment before taking it between her thumb and index finger, staring at it more like a biological specimen than an article of clothing. He tried to gauge her expression, tried to figure out what she could possibly be thinking. Then a yawn escaped him.

Lila tilted her head and smirked at him. “You're not going to survive the day.”

“Why’s that?”

“You're yawning and you haven't even started yet.”

“I'll wake up once I get moving,” Sebastian said. “Worry less about me and more about resting that ankle of yours.” He gave her a reassuring smile before turning away and getting to work.

 

~

 

Lila watched Sebastian walk off before she disappeared into her house. She threw his hoodie onto the back of her couch on her way to the bathroom to shower. It took twice as long to wash herself because of her ankle. She had to keep a hand on the tile wall to maintain her balance, but she didn’t dare risk rushing. The last thing she needed was to slip and fall and have Sebastian find her naked on her bathroom floor. Just thinking about it made her cringe in embarrassment.

Lila towel dried her hair and changed into a fresh set of clothes, an old collegiate T shirt and black cotton shorts, then made her way into the kitchen where she prepared two cups of tea and filled Chai’s food bowl.

Chai vocalized his hungry rage as she set the bowl in front of him.

“It’s not what you think,” Lila reassured him as she scratched his chin, his temper fading once he began feasting.

Lila sipped on her tea as she tidied the mess around her house and rummaged through her fridge to see if there was anything edible, but only found questionable leftovers and condiments. She was definitely not prepared to have company over. Lila peered around her house and noticed the book Sebastian lent her. She snatched it off her coffee table, secured it under her arm, then grabbed the extra mug of tea before heading back outside to check on Sebastian.

“You look like shit,” Lila called to him as she approached. Sebastian set down the watering can and wiped his forehead with the back of his hand. Sweat settled at his hairline and temples.

"You should be resting." He brought a hand up to shield the sunlight, causing his shirt to hike up. Lila’s eyes drifted to the exposed sliver of skin then back up to his face.

"Resting is boring,” Lila handed him the mug and watched as he took a sip without examining the contents. Something between a grimace and a scowl formed on his face. Lila smiled.

“Do you hate it?”

“What is _it_?”

“Tea.”

“No coffee?”

“You already had a cup this morning.”

“Two, actually.”

Lila shook her head in disapproval and pulled the mug from his hand.

“It tastes like my mom's spice drawer,” Sebastian added.

“Well _I_ like it,” Lila brought the mug to her lips and took a sip. “Also, there’s not much to choose from in my fridge unless you want to make a condiment smoothie.”

“Sounds barbaric.”

“I could pick up a pizza,” she offered.

“Call it in and _I’ll_ pick it up later.”

Lila eyed him suspiciously. “I’m beginning to believe you’re only doing this to rack up a debt with me.”

“Maybe,” Sebastian smiled. “I am apparently full of secrets.”

Lila crossed her arms and chewed on the inside of her lip.

“You’re distracting me from my work.” Sebastian grabbed the mug out of Lila’s hand and took one last sip, sticking out his tongue afterwards. “I really thought I would warm up to the taste, but it’s even worse the second time.”

Lila snatched the mug back and shoved his shoulder. “I’ve already defaced one pizza, don’t make me do it again.”

Sebastian held up his hands in surrender. Lila smiled and turned away, slowly walking over to her porch, and took a seat on the steps. She removed the book from under her arm, opened it to the first page, and started reading.

Between chapters, Lila glanced up from the book and over to Sebastian. He would occasionally run a hand through his hair to push it out of his eyes or raise the hem of his shirt to wipe the sweat off his forehead. He didn’t look over at her, at least Lila didn’t notice if he did. Then after a few hours of work he walked over and sat next to her on the steps. Lila marked her spot with a slip of paper and closed the book.

“Fuck, I’m exhausted. _This_ is why I’m a programmer,” Sebastian complained, catching his breath. Then noticed the book in Lila’s lap. “How do you like it so far?”

“I haven’t read much, but I’m liking it.”

“You can tell me if you hate it,” Sebastian brought a hand up to his face and scratched his cheek, leaving a spot of dirt. “I hated your tea.”

“I don’t hate it. I just haven’t read enough to form an opinion.”

“Fair enough,” he said then nodded to the hair elastic on Lila’s wrist. “Can I borrow that?”

Lila pulled it off her wrist and handed it to him. She watched as he split his dark hair at his temples and pulled the top part back into a knot. It was tiny and borderline ridiculous in a cute kind of way. She liked that it allowed her see more of his face.

Lila didn’t realize she was staring until Sebastian said, “What?”

She swallowed and quickly said, “There’s dirt on your face.”

“Dammit. Where?”

Lila pointed to the exact spot on her own face. Sebastian brought a hand up to wipe it away, but smeared it across his cheek.

“You just made it worse," she said with a smile.

“Shit.” He brought his hand up again, but Lila grabbed his wrist and shook her head.

“Hold still,” Lila said as she leaned closer to him. She licked her thumb and brought it up to his cheek, rubbing the dirt away. When she leaned back, she noticed his eyes on her.

 _Say something_ , Lila thought. But she couldn’t think of what to say. Her mind was too distracted thinking about what it would be like to kiss him. She quickly abandoned the idea. It was too early to gauge his reaction. Sebastian was already shy, she didn’t want to completely scare him away. But Lila found herself leaning forward anyway.

Then Sebastian’s stomach growled.

Lila looked away and laughed. “Sounds like I should order that pizza.”

 

~

 

Sebastian walked through the front door with a pizza box balanced on one hand and a six pack of beer in the other. He nudged the door closed with his foot and headed over to the kitchen. Lila snatched the box from him before he could set it down.

He watched her lean a hand on the counter, balancing on one foot, and reach into a cabinet for plates. Her shorts were torturously short. They barely covered her ass and showed off a tattoo on the side of her thigh that seemed to travel up to her hip. Sebastian couldn’t make out the details and didn’t want Lila to catch him staring, but it was almost impossible to pry his eyes away from her bare legs.

Lila opened the pizza box and frowned. "There's a slice missing.”

"Sorry,” Sebastian said, setting two beers aside and placing the rest in the fridge. “Got hungry on the walk back."

Lila shook her head and grabbed a slice. "Terrible sense of self control.” The words barely audible as she mumbled with a full mouth.

"You have no idea," he grinned, dangling an uncapped bottle of beer over her shoulder. She turned to face him and wrinkled her nose.

“ _And_ you smoked.”

Sebastian hoped she wouldn’t notice. “The stress and exhaustion pushed me to my vice.”

She gave him a disapproving look, grabbed the bottle, then made her way over to the couch.

Sebastian walked over to join her, putting his plate and beer down on the coffee table, then walked back to the kitchen. Lila eyed him curiously as he began looking in the freezer.

“Do you have an ice pack or-” his words trailed off as he pulled a bag of frozen peas from the freezer and held it up. “Nevermind.”

He grabbed a dish towel off the counter and wrapped it around the makeshift ice pack.

“What do need that for?”

“Your ankle since you insisted on walking around today.” He pushed the coffee table closer to the couch and grabbed a throw pillow. “Put your foot up.”

Lila propped her foot atop the pillow and Sebastian gently placed the bag of peas on top. His eyes grazed up her leg as he moved around the table to sit next to her.

“Thanks Mom,” Lila laughed before she took another bite.

Sebastian reached for his plate, but got slightly startled when an orange cat jumped onto the coffee table. The cat meowed and began sniffing around, searching for food.

“Hey,” Lila shooed him away with her hand. The cat jumped off, but Sebastian could see its tail moving from beneath the table.

“Sorry,” she turned to Sebastian. “He lacks boundaries.”

“Like mother, like son.” Sebastian laughed. Lila gasped at his comment then grabbed the bag of peas off her leg and chucked it at him. He caught it before it hit him. He continued to laugh as he reached over and placed it back on her ankle. Lila pouted at him while he took a sip of his beer.

The cat reappeared and rubbed on Sebastian’s leg, he reached down and scratched the top of its head, drawing out a purr. “I think he likes me. What’s his name?”

“Chai,” Lila said in between bites. She leaned forward and looked over at the cat. “But maybe I’ll change it to Traitor.”

 

Sebastian offered to clean up after they ate, but Lila insisted she wasn’t useless despite her injury. He didn’t have the strength to argue with her, so he lounged on the couch as an episode of the Queen of Sauce played in the background.

Lila returned to the couch when she finished. She sat with her back against the armrest and extended her legs into the space between them. She was so close that she could almost drape her legs over his lap. Not that Sebastian would have minded. He looked over to where she sat, his eyes still drawn to that damn tattoo. From his close he could tell it was a cluster of flowers.

Lila must have noticed him staring because she laughed and said, “You’re not the only one that has tattoos, you know.”

Sebastian looked away and brought his beer to his lips, stalling on what to say. “It looks good. I like the line work.”

Lila moved her legs and scooted closer to him. “The artist used white to accent the black areas,” she explained as she lift the hem of her shorts for him get a better look, exposing her skin up to where her leg met her hip. “It’s subtle, but I think it makes a difference...”

Sebastian had stopped listening to what she was saying, his mind transfixed by the ink on her skin and the floral scent of her hair. His eyes followed the pattern of flowers until they disappeared behind the remaining fabric of her shorts. He wondered just how far the tattoo went. When he realized she had stopped talking he looked up and met eyes with her.

She tilted her head. “What?”

“It’s just odd that a girl like you would want to move to this stupid town.”

"You don’t give this place enough credit.”

“The city is so much more… lively.”

“Maybe for you.” Lila raised her hips to pull down the leg of her shorts and situate them how they were before, even though Sebastian really wished she hadn't. “You didn’t grow up there. It takes a toll on you after awhile.”

“Is that why you moved?”

Lila re-positioned on the couch and faced him. “I moved because I woke up one day and realized I wasn’t living the life I wanted.”

That resonated with him, but he still didn’t quite understand her logic. “And the life you do want is on a farm?”

Lila shook her head. “See, the answer isn’t that simple. I’m not exactly sure what I’m looking for. I was just desperate for something new because I was so miserable. I had a practically useless degree, a mind numbing job, and an ex boyfriend from hell. I felt like one of those mice in a maze trying to find cheese, but every path was a dead end. I didn’t feel like I was living my true potential.”

Sebastian’s ears perked at the mention of Lila’s ex-boyfriend and a bit of jealousy settled in his stomach. He knew it wasn’t his place to ask, but he was curious about the type of guys she dated. And if she would ever date a guy like him.

He cleared his throat. “And your true potential is...”

“This might sound stupid,” Lila paused before she continued as if she was worried he would judge her. “But I’ve always wanted to write a book.”

“That’s not stupid. Why don’t you?”

“I’ve tried. I actually have a first draft done but I never edited it. It’s practically garbage.”

“I don’t believe that.”

“You haven’t read it.”

“Would you let me read it?”

“Why?” Lila narrowed her eyes at him. “Are you asking to read it?”

Sebastian smiled at her. “Maybe.”

“Ugh, I'd have to think about it. My writing is just so personal, you know? It would be like you seeing me naked.”

Sebastian swallowed hard. He tried to think about anything besides what she had just said, but her words replayed in his head.

“What about you?”

“What about me?”

“Where does Sebastian’s true potential lie?”

He thought for a moment and considered the current state of his life. “I’m perfectly content with my job. I mean, I would like to maybe develop a video game sometime, but I just don’t have the time right now. I’m taking on a lot of projects so I can save money to move.”

“Well, as long as you don’t give up on your dream.”

“Great advice, you should take it.”

“That would be too easy.”

Then a sound came from Sebastian's phone. He looked down at it and saw a message from Maru.

 

**Where are you?? Mom and Dad came home early. You weren’t home for dinner so they’re worried. They think you might be roadkill somewhere. Also tell Lila I said Hi.**

 

He hadn't realized how late it was.

“Shit, I've gotta go,” he rose to his feet and slipped his phone into his back pocket. “My mom and Demetrius are home and apparently looking for me. But I’ll come by in the morning.”

Lila followed him over to the door. “For what?”

“To help you, obviously.”

Lila pulled the door open, holding it ajar. “You’re going to wake up at 6:30 and come over to help me?”

“Shit, you wake up at 6:30?”

Lila smiled and nodded.

“Then yes, I’ll be here bright and early before humanity should be awake.”

Lila leaned against the doorway and Sebastian lingered there for a moment. He hadn't even left yet, but he was already beginning to miss her.

“Text me when you get home," Lila said.

"I will as soon as I step through the door."

She smiled at him one last time before she shut the door.

Sebastian stood there thinking of a thousand clever things he could've said, but above else he wished he'd been courageous enough to kiss her.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to everyone who's left kudos/comments! Your interest in this story helped motivate me to finish this chapter more quickly than I anticipated. Can't wait to start working on the next one. As always, thanks for reading and let me know what you think :)


	6. Late Nights and Lonely Thoughts

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Memories from Lila's past begin to catch up to her. She seeks out Sebastian to confide in, but can't bring herself to tell him the entire truth. 
> 
> CW: mention of past domestic violence/inferences to previous sexual assault.

Chapter Six

 

Lila woke up startled from a knock at her front door. She had no idea what time it was, but from the sight of the darkness that filled the room, it was late. Too late to warrant a visitor.

She reached a hand across her nightstand and felt around for her glasses. When her fingers found the familiar plastic frames, she slipped them on her face and sluggishly got out of bed.

Lila trudged into the front room, rubbing her eyes to help them adjust to the lack of light, then opened the door just enough to see who it was. She tilted her head in confusion when she saw a familiar face with dark hair standing on her porch, fiddling with his hands.

"Seb?" Lila opened the door wider. "It's late. What are you doing here?"

"Sorry," he ran a hand through his hair and leaned closer into the doorway. "I, uh, forgot something."

“You could’ve at least texted me.” Lila took a step backward and held the door open for him to walk inside, then closed it and turned to face him. "What did you forget?"

"This.” Sebastian took a step toward her and pressed his lips to hers.

It happened so fast, it took Lila a moment to comprehend what was happening. Then she closed her eyes and kissed him back.

Sebastian brought a hand up to cup Lila’s face while the other wrapped around her waist, pressing his body against hers. Lila stumbled backward until her back connected with the door behind her. She pulled away for a moment to catch her breath. Without hesitation, Sebastian moved his lips to the soft curve of her jaw. Then her neck. The feeling sent a shiver through her entire body. Her breath hitched when his hand slipped under the hem of her shirt and touched her bare skin.

"Lila," he whispered in her ear.

"Hm?" She was having a hard time concentrating to say anything else.

"Do you dream of me touching you?” His voice sounded odd to her ears. It was deeper, coarser. “Kissing you like this?"

Lila tilted her head to meet his eyes. She expected them to be their usual deep blue, but they were as dark as the room they were in. Her body tensed. Something twisted in her stomach when she realized the person she was looking at wasn’t Sebastian, but a demon from her past.

“Tyler,” she croaked. Her mouth had gone dry.

“Who else would it be, darling?” he coaxed, a smile pulling at the corner of his mouth.

Lila opened her mouth to respond, but no words came. A pressure formed in her chest and rose to her airway, clenching it shut as if she were choking.

When she didn’t answer, Tyler continued, “Did you want it to be Sebastian?”

He ran a finger along her jaw, sending a vile tremor down Lila’s spine and into her stomach. She closed her eyes and turned her head away, trying to focus on breathing. Then a hand closed around her throat. Lila’s entire body froze, her vision clouded over with tears.

Tyler’s grip was gentle at first, then gradually tightened. Lila started to feel light headed. She grabbed at his wrist to stop him, but he only pulled her closer.

He buried his face into the crook of her neck, hovering right above her ear. “He could never love you, Lila,” he laughed, the sound more animal than human. “How could anyone love someone so _damaged_?”

 

Lila sat up in bed, breathing heavily. Tears streamed down her cheeks. She reached over to her glasses and struggled to put them on her face. Her hands wouldn’t stop shaking.

She began the breathing techniques her previous therapist taught her for these situations.

_Inhale for five seconds_ , she instructed herself. _Then exhale._

Lila repeated the technique a couple times, but it wasn’t working. Her entire body was still shaking. She lifted her right hand up and tried to flex it, but even the muscles in her hand felt sore and weak.

_That’s what you’re supposed to do to check if you’re still dreaming, right?_  She thought she had read it somewhere. _Check your hands?_

Chai stretched from his spot at the foot of the bed and moved toward Lila. He nuzzled his head on her hand and laid against her leg.

“I’m fine,” Lila said as she began petting him, still taking deep breaths. Chai nuzzled her hand again in response.

When her heart rate finally returned to a normal pace, Lila wiped her eyes with the back of her hand and swung her legs out of bed. She rose to her feet and her knees immediately gave out, causing her to fall to the floor.

“Fuck,” Lila yelled loud enough that Chai lifted his head to look at her. She clutched onto her sheets to pull herself up. Her legs were stiff and shaky, and she had completely forgotten about her injured ankle. She stood hunched over her bed for a few moments, slowly testing her mobility so she wouldn’t fall again.

_I can do this_ , she repeated her breathing technique. _I’ve done this a hundred times_.

Lila carefully made her way to the kitchen to get a glass of water. She glanced at every corner of her house on her way, paranoid that she wasn’t alone. She even checked to make sure the front door was locked. Twice. It was something she did to ease her mind after her nightmares. Like a ritual for her sanity. Though, it had been months since _he_ had visited her dreams…  

Lila shook the thought away, forbidding her ex-boyfriend from infiltrating her mind.

She grabbed a cup from the cabinet and filled it from the tap. When she brought the cup to her lips, water spilled from the brim and onto the front of her shirt. Her hands were still a bit shaky.

Lila set the cup in the sink and wet her face with cold water. It didn’t do a thing. She lifted the hem of her shirt to dry her face, then leaned her back against the counter. Her eyes instinctively surveyed her house again.

_It’s fine_ , Lila tried to convince herself. _No one’s here._

She traced the outlines of her furniture and other belongings, lingering on the shadows. Her eyes drifted across her couch and stopped at the black hoodie still perched atop it.

Sebastian must’ve forgotten it before he left.

_I forgot something_ , his words from her dream replayed in her head. She let out a small laugh. Oh, how cruel the mind could be sometimes.

Lila pushed off the counter and walked towards her couch, hyper aware of the creeks in her floor. She grabbed the hoodie off the couch and held it in her hands for a moment, running her fingers across the dark fabric. It was soft and cool to the touch. Lila hesitated for a moment, then pulled it over her head.

It was clearly not meant for someone her size. The length hit her upper thigh and the sleeves practically swallowed her arms, but it strangely made her feel at ease. Lila brought the neckline up to her nose, inhaling the scent of him. She smiled to herself.

Lila left the hoodie on and went to check the front door a third time, then went to lay back in bed.

She settled back in her spot next to Chai and grabbed her phone from where it was charging on her nightstand. It was two in the morning. Lila groaned. She contemplated trying to fall back asleep, but knew it would be nearly impossible. The day ahead of her would definitely be difficult without sufficient sleep, but she had survived days with less.  

Lila fiddled with her phone to pass time and found herself looking over her text messages from Sebastian.

 

**Walking through the door as I type this.**

 

**You’re such a dork.**

**Thanks again for the help today.**

 

**Anytime. See you in the morning.**

 

Lila wanted to talk to someone to distract her, to make her feel less alone. But she was lacking in the number of people she could confide in. Her options were between her brother, Liam, who she hadn’t talked to since she moved, and Sebastian.

She considered texting Sebastian, but didn’t want to wake him or bother him with her problems. A part of her missed him, though. Even if she had just seen him hours ago.

_Fuck it_ , Lila thought as she started typing.  

**Hey. Are you awake?**

Then immediately felt guilty and added,

**Shit, I hope me asking if you're awake didn't wake you.**

Lila pulled the hood of Sebastian’s sweatshirt over her head, shielding her face from the world. The smell of him enveloped her senses, her thoughts drifted back to her dream. Then her phone lit up.

 

**You didn't wake me.**

**What's up? Everything alright?**

 

**Just having trouble sleeping. I figured you might be up.**

 

**Is it your ankle?**

**Do you need Advil or something? I can bring you some.**

 

Lila smiled down at her phone. Sebastian would think something was wrong. And he wasn’t too far off. Lila appreciated his concern, but also felt suspicious. Sure, he had proven his genuity the last couple of days. Still, a part of her found it too good to be true. There had to be something wrong with him waiting to surface. And if not, then he would surely flee once her demons surfaced. If she ever had the courage to tell him.

 

**Are you a real person? Or are you one of those aliens in a person suit?**

 

**Serious question? Or are you having an existential crisis?**

 

**When am I not having an existential crisis?**

**Ugh sorry.**

**I become a sarcastic asshole when I try to dance around what I’m really trying to say.**

 

**And what are you really trying to say?**

 

That was a good question.

Lila’s fingers hovered over the keys while she tried to gather her thoughts. She wanted to tell him he was the sweetest guy she'd ever met, but she couldn't bring herself to say it even via text.

Lila let out a sigh. She hated that it was so hard for her to trust people. She didn’t do it on purpose. It had become a habit after everything that happened with Tyler. She didn't want to feel hurt like that again, so she put up a wall of arrogance and sarcasm to convince others she was a lone wolf that didn’t need anyone else. When in reality, she was lonely.

Sebastian made her feel less lonely, but she was also terrified of becoming attached to him. Especially when he looked at her with that soft gaze that felt like he could see past her armor and peer into her soul. Lila didn't want him to see that deep down, past her feigned confidence, she was broken.

Tyler’s words replayed in her head, _He could never love you, Lila._

 

**Remember when you said I was scary?**

**Well I think you're scary too.**

 

**Is it my face?**

**Sorry I can feel your scowl through the phone and I regret saying it.**

**Go on.**

 

**I guess I just don't get why you're so nice to me.**

**Like why you would even care about me.**

 

**You're scared of me because I care about you?**

 

**I know it sounds insane.**

**Ugh I'm so fucked up.**

**I should just shut up before I scare you away with my craziness.**

 

Lila stared at her phone, impatiently waiting. Minutes that felt more like hours passed and Sebastian hadn’t responded.

_And now I just fucked it all up._

Lila set her phone down on her bed and hugged her knees to her chest. It was better this way, giving him a taste of what he was getting into before anything had even started. Things would only get more fucked up from here anyway, especially if she told him about…

Lila’s phone finally lit up, but she tilted her head in confusion because it wasn’t from a text. Sebastian was calling her.

"Hello?" She answered thinking it was some sort of accident.

"Hey."

It was weird hearing Sebastian’s voice and not being distracted by his face. Lila liked the sound of his voice, she found it soothing in a way. Yet a part of her was wary it was going to turn into Tyler’s like it had in her dream.

"Why'd you call?" Lila asked, trying not to sound too suspicious.

"To tell you you're not insane, fucked up, or crazy. And you'll have to try a lot harder to scare me away."

Lila fiddled with the hoodie’s drawstring. A smile crept across her face. "You could've texted me that, you know."

"I wanted you to hear it.” He paused. “It’s different when you hear it."

Tears formed in the corners of Lila’s eyes. She brought a hand up to wipe them away. "Thanks."

They were quiet for a moment. Lila tried everything in her power to not sniffle.

Then Sebastian finally broke the silence. "Want to go on a ride with me?"

"Right now?"

"Yeah,” he responded as if there was no better time than right now.

"I need to be up in four and a half hours,” Lila said. “And if I remember correctly, you said you'd come over and help me."

Sebastian let out a small laugh. “Do you ever take days off?”

“What’s a day off?” Lila teased.

“Lila.” Oh, how she loved the way her name rolled off his tongue.

“Sebastian.” She smiled, certain he could hear it in her voice.

"Come with me. It'll help clear your head. You honestly think you're going to fall asleep just lying there thinking?"

"Where would we even go?"

"It's a secret."

Lila thought for a moment even though she already knew her answer. "Fine, but we can't be out for too long."

"I’m not making any promises,” Sebastian said. From the tone of his voice, Lila could tell he was smiling. “I’ll be there in ten."

Lila hung up and got out of bed. She was happy to find that the unsteadiness in her legs was gone. She moved toward her closet as quickly as her still injured ankle allowed her to, and rummaged through the pile of clothes she still needed to fold. She found a decent pair of jeans and pulled them on along with her black high tops.

Before leaving, Lila stopped in the bathroom and checked herself out in the mirror. She frowned at the state of her hair. It was flat on one side from sleeping, and a section in the back had an awkward kink in it. She flipped her head upside down and gave her hair a good shake at the roots.

_Good enough_ , she thought as she flicked off the lights and left the bathroom.

 

Sebastian pulled up on his bike just as Lila turned the key to lock her front door. He stopped at the base of her porch steps and pulled off his helmet.

“Your limp is almost gone,” he called to her as she approached.

“Yeah, it’s feeling a lot better.” Lila looked down at her ankle then back up at him.

He was wearing a long sleeve Henley with the sleeves pulled up to his forearms. His hair was messy with strands sticking up in the back, like he had just woken up.

Lila thought back to her dream and felt a wave of embarrassment flow over her. Her stomach constricted like she was going to throw up.

“Nice glasses.”

Lila brought a hand up to touch her face, feeling the smooth plastic with her fingers. “Shit, I forgot to switch to my contacts.”

“They look good on you.” Sebastian looked her over again, then tilted his head and narrowed his eyes. "Wait, is that my hoodie?"

"Maybe."

"I was looking for it."

"Well, I've taken it hostage,” she paused. “Unless you want it back?"

Sebastian shook his head. "You can wear it if you like it."

Lila smiled at him.

"Shall we?" He handed her a helmet. This time, Lila took it without a fuss.

 

Lila didn’t realize how dark the night could get outside the city. Wherever she looked, her eyes were met with pitch black darkness. She could barely see Sebastian seated in front of her and was only certain he was there because her arms were wrapped around his waist.

Sebastian turned off an exit and continued down a road that turned into a gravel path. The beam of light from the headlights showed a row of trees along the path, then complete emptiness. As they got closer, Lila realized it was an overlook with Zuzu city in the distance.

Lila dismounted the bike and pulled her helmet off. She walked closer to the edge of the cliff and stared off at the city she considered home.

Lila had never seen it from this angle before. It looked like a little cluster of life even in the middle of the night. There was something different about seeing it this way. The feeling almost captivated her, almost made her miss it.

_This is why he’s so obsessed with the city_ , Lila realized. She couldn’t deny that it certainly looked beautiful from here.

"Wow,” she finally said, “I've never seen the city like this. It's almost unrecognizable."

"Isn't it great?” Sebastian stood next to her. “I come here when I want to get away and think."

Lila turned to him even though it was difficult to see his face in the darkness. "Are you sure you don't just bring women here to woo them?"

"I don't bring anyone here,” he let out a laugh. “This place is just for me and, uh, I guess you now."

"Well thanks for sharing it with me."

"Of course."

Lila turned back to gaze at the place she had ran away from. Her eyes traced the familiar buildings, trying to locate places that held memories.

“So, uh, do you want to talk about it?”

“Talk about what?”

“Whatever’s causing you to lose sleep.”

Lila sighed and curled her hair behind her ear.

“Unless you don’t want to. It’s perfectly fine if you don’t.”

Lila crossed her arms and turned to face him. "Do you think people are generally good?"

"No, I think most people are assholes."

“What about me?” she tilted her head. “Do you think I’m an asshole?”

“I know you’re not.”

She shook her head. “You barely know me.”

“I know enough.” He turned to face her. Lila looked away, not wanting to meet his eyes even through the veil of the night.

“How do you know if you can trust someone?” She asked softly.

“Are you asking because you don’t know if you can trust me?”

Lila did trust him. Even though it was ridiculous because she had only known him for barely any time at all. There was just something about him. She thought back to when he mentioned how he felt like he’d known her a lot longer than he actually had. She was beginning to feel the same way. It was bizarre.

"It's not just you,” she explained. “It's everyone. It's just... My last relationship really messed me up, I guess."

"Ah, the ex from hell."

They were quiet. Lila contemplated what to do, what to say.

_You’re only as alone as you choose to be_ , she remembered her therapist’s advice from months ago when Lila had tried dating again, but ultimately failed. She didn’t want what she and Sebastian had to fail too, whatever it was. But he deserved more than to be completely left in the dark. She would never know if she could trust him if she didn’t at least try.

“I had a dream about him,” Lila began, her voice wavering slightly. “Well, a nightmare. He was in my house and...” She looked over to Sebastian to see if he was going to say anything, but he just watched her. She had no idea how she was going to explain this and omit his presence in her dream. “It wasn’t him at first. He was someone else and then turned into himself....” She sighed. “It sounds so stupid saying it out loud.”

“Dreams can be stupid,” he teased.

Lila didn’t know what came over her, but she blurted, “He fucked one of my friends.”

“In your dream?”

“No, in real life.”

Sebastian was quiet as if waiting for her to continue.

“There was this party…” she tried to start from the beginning, but choked on her words.

_Just tell him_ , her mind pushed on. _Just get it over with_.

Lila opened her mouth to speak, but the right words wouldn’t form. Her stomach clenched, the strain rising to her throat like in her dream.

_How could anyone love someone so damaged?_

She shook her head and started again, skipping over the parts she wasn’t ready to share yet.

“We got in a fight,” Lila said, her voice unsteady. She didn’t know when she had started crying, but she felt tears hit her cheeks and cling to her glasses. “We hadn’t talked for days so I went to his apartment to apologize, and found him fucking my friend, Melody.”

The memory invaded her mind: a trail of clothes across the floor, their tangled limbs, his hands in her blonde hair.

“It felt like time stopped. Like I was having one of those out of body experiences… I didn’t do anything, didn’t say anything… I just left. I sat in my car for a half hour and cried. Then I just drove off.”

Lila reached up to wipe her eyes, smearing tears across her glasses.

“Where did you go?” Sebastian asked.

"What?"

"You said you started driving."

“Oh, to see my mom.”

“What did she say?”

Lila shook her head and started to cry again. “I went to her grave. She died when I was seven.”

“Shit. I’m sorry.”

“It’s not your fault.” Lila turned to face him. It was difficult to see his face in the darkness and through the tears in her eyes. She reached her hand up again to wipe her eyes. “You wouldn’t have known. I never mentioned it.”

Sebastian just stared at her. He reached a hand out and touched her arm. Lila leaned into his touch, then started rambling again.

“I sat in front of her grave and cried. I guess at some point I fell asleep. When I woke up, I had missed calls from my dad and my brother, but nothing from Tyler. I saw him the next day and he was completely oblivious, he had no idea I saw them. I broke up with him, but I never mentioned seeing him and Melody, which I know sounds so stupid. Why not confront the asshole and call him a piece of shit or punch him in the face?”

Lila was practically sobbing now, her breathing shaky as she gasped for air. Sebastian wrapped his arms around her and pulled her to his chest, resting his cheek against her head.

“I wanted to,” Lila whispered. “I wanted to so bad, but when I tried, I couldn’t because a part of me felt like it was my fault. That I was the one that pushed him to fuck her because I wasn't good enough.” She paused. “I mean, I know why he did it. Melody is fucking gorgeous.”

“So are you,” Sebastian whispered into her hair.

Lila shook her head. “You haven’t even seen what she looks like.”

“I don’t need to.”

"Then why did he…"

"There's no rational reason for why, but what he chose to do is in no way your fault."

Lila sniffled. She had stopped crying, but her face was still wet with tears. “My family thinks I broke it off because I hate the idea of settling down. That all I do is run from my adult responsibilities. Maybe they’re right. I just never really feel like I'm good enough for anything and I know that's stupid, but I can't help it. It's like hardwired in my brain now. And sure, I might not have been happy with him, but I wouldn't have been alone like I am now."

"You're not alone,” Sebastian tilted his head to look at her. “I'm here. You have Abby too. And even Sam if you want but I don't know if I would recommend that."

Lila laughed. “He’s your best friend.”

“Exactly. Trust my advice.”

She laughed again as she pulled away from him. Then wiped her glasses off with the hem of her shirt. "I've wanted to tell someone for a long time. Thanks for listening."

"Of course,” he said, still keeping a hand on her arm. “How do you feel?"

"Better. But I got snot all over your hoodie."

"It's fine. There's this great invention called a washing machine."

Lila smiled. It felt good to finally tell someone other than her therapist, but there was still so much more for her disclose. Now wasn’t the right time, even though there would never really be a right time to tell him everything. She didn’t want to ruin this just yet.

"Are you hungry?" Sebastian asked. His voice pulled Lila away from her thoughts.

"Starving."

"What do you want to eat?"

"Waffles,” she smiled. “No, pancakes. No, both."

Sebastian smiled back at her. “I know the perfect place.”

 

~

 

Mindy’s Diner was practically empty besides the few people sitting at the counter.

The bell above the door jingled when Sebastian and Lila walked in. A waitress with pink hair looked up from the book she was reading. She nodded over at Sebastian. He smiled and waved at her as he lead Lila over to the back where he usually sat.

Sebastian scooted into the bright red booth and was surprised when Lila followed him. They sat on the same side like a couple of losers a nineties teen rom com.

“Hey Sebastian,” Camille, the waitress with pink hair, said as she set down two menus. “Long time, no see.”

“I’ve been busy with work.”

“Of course you have,” she said around the gum she was chewing, her eyes moving between him and Lila. “I see you’ve brought a lady friend.”

“Hi, I’m Lila,” Lila said, extending her hand.

"Camille." She smiled at Lila and loosely took her hand. “Lila? Huh, interesting name. Sounds erotic.”

“Uh, thanks…”

Camille looked between them again, sloppily chewing on her gum. “I’ll be back in a minute.”

Sebastian propped his elbow on the table and rested his chin in his palm. He stared at Lila while she looked over the menu. Her eyes and nose were still pink from crying, but he thought she looked just as beautiful.

He thought about what she shared with him and how disheartening it was to watch her cry like that. Sebastian wished there was more he could have said or done, but he appreciated that she trusted him enough to tell him.

Lila fiddled with the drawstring of his hoodie. Seeing her wear it made his chest hurt. The possibility that she found some sort of comfort wearing it made Sebastian smile. He would surrender his entire wardrobe to her if she asked.

“Why do places still feel the need to put bacon on everything?” Lila asked, not making eye contact.

“What do you have against bacon?”

“The bacon trend was so six years ago.” Her eyes skimmed the menu. Sebastian wondered if she was actually reading it or if she was just using it as a distraction. “Plus I’m a vegetarian. And if you make a tofu joke, I’ll stomp on your foot.”

“Wasn’t going to.”

Lila chewed on her lip. “I can see that stupid smile on your face and I’m not even looking at you.”

“I’m just glad to see you back to your sarcastic self.”

Lila finally looked up and glared at him. Then Camille appeared at their table.

“So what’ll it be?” She pulled out a small writing pad and a pen.

Lila turned to her. “Pancakes and hash-browns, please.”

“And I’ll do the usual. Substitute the eggs.”

“You make my job too easy,” Camille smiled, grabbing their menus.

“You don’t like eggs?” Lila turned back to Sebastian when Camille left.

“No, they’re disgusting. The texture, the smell.” Sebastian made a disgusted face. “No thanks.”

Lila rolled her eyes. “Our town has an egg festival.”

“And it’s the worst.”

“It’s not so bad.” She shrugged.

Sebastian narrowed his eyes at her. “How would you even know?”

"I went to one when I was young,” she began, fiddling with her hair. “It was after my mom died. My dad brought us to see my grandpa and escape the city.” A smile formed on her face. “During the egg hunt, I tripped and fell. Another kid stole all my eggs. Then a boy came up to me and said–"

"You can have mine,” Sebastian interrupted her. “I don't like eggs anyway."

"How did you..."

"That boy was me.” He thought back to the distant memory. “I remember now. You were wearing a purple dress and had flowers braided in your hair.” He let out a small laugh. “I thought you looked like a princess."

Sebastian watched all emotion drain from Lila’s face. She stared at him with wide eyes.

“What?” he asked, concerned.

“It’s nothing.” She looked down, avoiding his gaze.

“Clearly not.” He tilted his head to try and meet her eyes, but she continued to look down. “Did I say something…”

Lila shook her head. "It’s just...” She sighed, then looked at him. Her eyes looked sad and glossy like she was going to start crying. “That's one of my favorite memories. You were nice to me even though you had no idea what I was going through. You didn't even know me.”

Sebastian never considered the possibility that him and Lila had met before, which was stupid since he had known her grandfather. He didn’t believe in fate or things being predetermined, but it felt more than just a coincidence. Maybe that’s why their friendship felt like second nature, like they were supposed to be friends this entire time.

Lila mirrored his position, putting her elbow on the table and leaning her cheek onto her hand. “I wanted to be your friend, you know."

"Well, we're friends now."

"Yeah, only took seventeen years."

"That's nothing,” Sebastian teased. “We have the rest of our lives to be friends."

Lila smiled at him and Sebastian’s stomach twisted.

Camille sauntered over and placed a pot of coffee on the table and two mugs. Sebastian was thankful for something to take the attention away. He reached for the pot and filled a mug to the brim and didn’t even pause before taking a sip.

“You’re going to drink that entire pot, aren’t you?”

Sebastian could see Lila looking at him in his periphery, but he kept his gaze down at the table.

“Maybe.”

“Seb,” Lila said sternly, tilting her head. “Coffee is not a sleep substitute.”

“Not yet.” He took another sip. “I’m sure in the future they’ll have the technology.”

Lila slid the coffee pot to her right, out of his reach.

Sebastian turned his head and narrowed his eyes at her. “Are you policing my coffee intake?”

“I don’t want you to have a heart attack. You need to take me home first.”

"Wow,” Sebastian brought a hand to his chest. “And I was beginning to believe you genuinely cared about me."

"Oh shut it.” Lila swatted his arm. “You know you're like my favorite person, right?"

Her words made something squeeze in his chest. Sebastian swallowed. "If I'm your favorite, I'll pray for your enemies."

Lila smiled. It was the kind of smile where she slightly bit her lip and had a wild look in her eye. Sebastian stared at her mouth, not caring if she noticed him doing it. He so desperately wanted to kiss her.

“What are you thinking about when you look at me like that?” Lila asked, pouring a little bit of coffee into a mug and taking a sip. She made a sour face and set it down on the table.

Sebastian cleared his throat.“What do you mean?”

Lila swirled the contents of her mug. “Sometimes you look at me like you’re seeing past my eyes and into my retinas or whatever the hell is back there.”

He didn’t look at her like that, did he? Sebastian’s eyes traced her profile and a sudden sense of dread washed over him. A terrifying possibility hit him straight in the gut.

_Shit_ , he thought as the realization emerged–he was starting to fall for her.

Sebastian ran a hand through his hair and cleared his throat again. “Maybe I’m checking to make sure you’re not a–what did you accuse me of earlier? Being an alien in a person suit?”

Lila looked up at him intently, her eyes soft. Then she smirked, only causing the realization to settle further in Sebastian’s stomach. “You’ve caught me.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always, thanks for reading! And any kudos/comments would be appreciated. :)  
> 


	7. Falling

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lila struggles to get through the day with her lack of sleep. She's tired and irritated and can't figure out why Sebastian's acting all weird. Then Sam and Abby show up at her house and force her on an adventure into the city.

Chapter Seven

 

“So much for not being out long,” Lila mumbled, yawning into her sleeve. She had no idea what time it was. But the sun had already tinted the sky a wash of pink and dusty blue, which wasn’t a good sign. 

Lila sluggishly made her way to the mahogany chest next to her porch. Sleep beckoned her. The tiredness felt so overwhelming that tea couldn’t possibly save her at this point. Just the thought of lying down and passing out for a few hours sounded so tempting that Lila took a moment to consider taking the day off. But then she looked at the state of the farm and remembered the lost time from the past two days. A part of her slightly resented Sebastian for being such a damn distraction. 

Lila unlocked the chest and rummaged around until she found her watering can. Another yawn escaped her. “Let’s get this shit over with so I can nap.”

Sebastian reached to grab the watering can from her hand. “Go sleep. I’ll take care of it.”

Lila pulled it away from his grip and shook her head. She wasn't going to let him keep doing everything for her. “Not this time.” She smiled. “My ankle’s feeling much better.” 

Sebastian pressed his lips to a line. Lila waited for him to put up a fight, but he surprisingly didn’t complain. She appreciated it, but also found it unusual. 

Something felt different between them. Lila couldn’t pinpoint the reason, but she noticed Sebastian slowly reverting back to his nervous habits of fidgeting with his hair and avoiding eye contact.

 _Is it because of what I said?_  

The possibility that she made a mistake when deciding to open up to him made Lila worry. She hoped he didn't feel bad for her. The last thing she wanted was for him to pity her.

Lila shook the thought from her mind and walked off toward the fields. She didn't have the time or energy to overthink right now. 

Sebastian approached her while she tended to her crops. Lila expected him to say something, to insist to help her, but he simply stood nearby and watched her with his arms crossed over his chest. She tried to ignore his presence, but found herself sneaking glances at him while she worked. His brows were pressed together like he was deep in thought. Lila wanted to ask him what he was thinking about, but decided against it. 

“It would be less exertion if you harvested and then watered the same plot,” Sebastian finally said. 

Lila immediately regretted questioning his silence. She pushed her hair out of her face and glared up at him. “I thought you were a programmer. Not a farmer.”

“Exactly, I’m seeing this through a lens of efficiency.” 

Lila rolled her eyes. “Okay, how about instead of standing there, you go build me a farming robot or something.” 

Sebastian didn’t respond. After a moment, Lila turned away and continued her work. 

“Why don’t you look into setting up some sort of sprinkler system? It would save you a lot of time.”

“You think I haven’t thought of that? You think I enjoy doing this every morning?”

“What’s stopping you then?”

Lila sighed then turned to face him again. Sebastian still stood there with his arms crossed. “I’d have to figure it all out by myself because I don’t have the money to have it done professionally.”

“I could help you.”

“Of course you could,” Lila scoffed. “I could ask you to help me hide a dead body and you would.” 

Sebastian narrowed his eyes at her. “I would like to believe I’m not _that_ easily swayed by you.”

“Hm, yes. You’d like to believe that, wouldn’t you?” 

Sebastian rolled his eyes, then turned and walked away. 

“Wait,” Lila called after him. “Where are you going?”

“Home,” he called back, not even bothering to turn around. 

Lila dropped her shoulders and groaned. _Why am I so annoying?_

She put the watering can down and grudgingly followed him over to his bike. 

Sebastian was about to lift his arms to put his helmet on when Lila reached out to stop him. “I’m sorry, okay?" She said softly. "I didn’t mean it like that. I get all bitchy when I’m tired.”

He turned to her, an unexpected smile across his face. “I’m going _home_ to get my laptop so we can get this whole sprinkler thing figured out. Is that okay?”

“Oh,” she said, feeling a bit stupid. 

“Unless you can’t bare to be without me for twenty minutes.”

Lila could tell from the look in his eyes that he was on the brink of laughing. She shoved his arm. “No. _Go_. Never come back, for all I care.” 

Sebastian gave her one last smile before he slipped his helmet on and got on his bike. 

Lila crossed her arms and watched him disappear down the gravel path. Then she surrendered to her tiredness and went inside to make herself a cup of tea before her mood became more of a problem.

 

~

 

Sebastian snuck into his house as quietly as possible. As far as he knew, no one heard him leave in the middle of the night and he wanted to keep it that way. The last thing he needed was his mom, or worse, Demetrius, to harass him with questions. 

On his way to his room, Sebastian peeked into the lab to check if his sister or step dad had started their work early. He let out a sigh of relief when he noticed the room unoccupied, then quietly walked backward down the hall leading to the basement. 

“And where the hell have you been?” A voice startled him. 

Sebastian turned around and found his mom blocking his way. She was wrapped in a robe with a mug in hand. Her copper hair was tied up into a messy bun. 

Sebastian sighed and rubbed his face. “Shit, Mom, you scared me.” 

“Good. Now you know what it feels like to wake up and not find your son in his bed.” 

“I’m not a kid anymore.”

“That doesn’t mean I can’t worry.” She looked him up and down. “Where did you go?”

Sebastian considered lying to her, but it never went well when she eventually figured out the truth. He’d learned that the hard way when he was a teenager. “I was with Lila.”

“The entire night?” She tilted her head and narrowed her eyes at him. “Are you two-”

“No!” Sebastian held up his hands. “We just hung out and talked.” 

His mom continued to eye him suspiciously. “I’m not stupid, Sebastian. I ‘hung out and talked’ back in the day. How do you think I got pregnant with you?”

“Seriously, Mom, it’s not like that.” 

Her eyes searched his face. Sebastian hated how well she could read him. “You like her though.”

Was it really so obvious that even his mother could tell? 

Sebastian rolled his eyes and walked past his mom, descending the steps into the basement without a word. 

“That isn’t a no,” she called after him from the top of the stairs.

Sebastian slammed his door shut in response. 

 

~

 

Lila woke up from a tickle on her cheek. She wrinkled her nose and instinctively brought a hand up to her face. Her fingers were met with a familiar nuzzle. She opened one eye and saw Chai staring at her. Lila reached to pet him behind the ear, but he jumped off the couch and meowed. 

Lila rubbed her eyes and stretched her legs out, kicking something at the end of her couch. 

“Ow,” a voice said. 

Lila recoiled her legs and squinted down toward her feet, she could barely see without her glasses. All she noticed was a blurred figure wearing all black. “Seb? When did you get here?”

“About two hours ago.”

“Two hours?!” She sat up, feeling around the couch for her glasses. “Why didn’t you wake me up?”

“Because you needed the sleep,” Sebastian said as he leaned across the coffee table, then handed Lila her glasses. “Here.” 

Lila slipped them on her face and looked around her house. Sebastian’s laptop rested on her coffee table next to the cup of tea she meant to drink. She must’ve dozed off while she was waiting for it to cool. “Have you just been sitting there the entire time?”

“I’ve been trying to figure out this whole sprinklers situation.”

Lila ran a hand through her hair, then leaned over to look at the screen of his laptop. He had some sort of file pulled up with a bunch of numbers all over the place. It made absolutely no sense to her. “Are you always this… technical?”

“It’s easier to organize the information this way.”

“Nerd.” Lila looked over at him and grinned. He grinned back at her and she immediately felt guilty for her moodiness earlier. She opened her mouth to apologize, but a knock at the door interrupted her. She looked at the door then back to Sebastian, who shrugged. 

Lila rose to her feet and walked over to the door, opening it cautiously. She was surprised to find Sam and Abby smiling at her. 

"Sup," Sam said, leaning against her doorway with his usual goofy smile spread across his face. Abby stood slightly behind him with her arms crossed. 

"Hey, what's up?"

"Oh, nothing,” Sam said, still smiling. “Just went to go bother Seb because he said he was working. The funny thing is, we went to his house and he wasn't there.”

Lila swallowed then laughed. "That is funny."

"So where is he?"

“How would I know?” Lila tried to act dumb, but Sam instantly saw through it. His eyes drifted past her, searching what he could see of her house. 

“You’re not fooling anyone.” He looked back at her with a devilish grin. “His bike is parked next to your house.”

_Shit._

Before Lila could think of an excuse, Sam and Abby pushed past her and into her living room. She turned to look at Sebastian, who stared at them with wide eyes. 

"There he is!" Sam obnoxiously announced as he plopped onto the couch. “Thought you could hide from us?” 

Sebastian stared at him, unamused. “What are you doing here?”

“Oh, you know, just here to hang out." Sam answered. "What are _you_ doing here?” He turned his head to look between Lila and Sebastian and wiggled his eyebrows. 

Sebastian sighed. Then, in one swift motion, he rose to his feet, grabbed Sam by the collar of his shirt, and dragged him toward Lila’s front door. 

“What are you-” Sam got cut off by the sound of the door slamming shut. 

Lila looked at the door then turned to Abby, who was staring at her with a mischievous smile on her face. 

“Is that Seb’s hoodie?” 

Lila blushed and curled hair behind her ear. “Uh, yeah…” 

“Cute.” Abby’s smile widened as she walked over to sit on Lila’s couch.  

 

~

 

“ _What in the actual fuck are you doing here?_ ” Sebastian gritted his teeth, his hand still firmly grasping Sam’s shirt.

“I should ask you the same thing,” Sam pulled away from him and smoothed the wrinkles out of his shirt. “I thought you were _working_.”

“I _am_. I’m helping Lila with sprinklers.”

“Uh huh.” 

Sebastian glared at him. 

“Dude, I get it,” Sam said as he rested his hands on Sebastian’s shoulders. “You’re in love with her but-”

Sebastian moved from his friend’s grip, then raised a finger at him. “Lower your fucking voice.”

“What?” A shit-eating grin pulled at the corner of Sam’s mouth. “You don’t want her to know how fucking _in love_ with her you are?” 

Sebastian closed his eyes and calmly fought the urge to punch his friend in the face. Then, he grabbed Sam’s shirt again and pulled him down the porch steps. 

Sam lifted his hands in surrender. “Okay, okay, I get it.” 

“You and Abby need to leave, _now_.” 

“Why can’t we all just hang out?” Sam straightened his shirt again. “If you like her so much, shouldn’t we get to know her?”

Sebastian ran a hand over his face while he considered his friend’s words. He didn't want to admit that Sam was right, but he was. “First of all, you already almost fucked this up.”

“When?”

He narrowed his eyes at Sam, checking to see if he was joking. He wasn’t. “Are you forgetting Monday or do I need to get you another mayo and pickle pizza to jog your memory?”

“You’re still stuck on that? I was helping you!”

“I don’t need your help.” 

“Okay, fine. No helping. I promise. Can we all hang out now?”

“And no obvious teasing,” Sebastian added. 

“But that’s the fun part!” Sam whined. 

“Sam, please.” 

Sam let out a loud sigh. “Fine.” He held out his hand. “I promise.”

Sebastian didn’t trust his friend one bit, but he shook his hand anyway. 

 

~

 

Lila and Abby sat on the couch in awkward silence. Lila had put on an episode of The Queen of Sauce, but she was only half paying attention. She kept glancing back at the door, wondering where Sam and Sebastian had gone. 

“They’re fine,” Abby said, her eyes glued to the television. She idly played with the necklace around her neck. It was a slender pink colored crystal on a silver chain. “Seb’s probably just yelling at him. Or punching him in the face. If they don’t come back in a minute, I’ll go check on them.”

Lila furrowed her brows. “Why would he be yelling at him? Or punching him in the face?”

Abby finally turned to look at her. “You really don’t know?” 

Then the door opened and Sam walked in, followed by Sebastian. Lila looked to Sebastian and tried to read the expression on his face. But he avoided her gaze and ran a hand through his hair. It was really starting to piss Lila off. 

“What are you two up to?” Sam asked, taking the spot between Abby and Lila on the couch. Lila scooted over so their legs weren’t touching. 

“Learning how to make stir fry,” Abby answered, her eyes not leaving the television. “Ugh, I could totally go for some right now. Are you guys hungry? I’m fucking starving. Do you think Gus knows how to make stir fry?”

“Even if he did, the saloon doesn’t open until noon.”

Abby let out a groan, then sat up straighter and looked over to her friends. “Anyone up for a little adventure?”

“If you think I’m exploring the mines again, you’re insane,” Sam said. 

“No, nothing crazy this time.” Abby said. “Just a quest to get some stir fry.”

“And where are we supposed to get some?”

“I know a place,” Lila interrupted. All three of them looked to her. “It’s in the city, though.”

“Perfect!” Abby exclaimed. “I love it already. Let’s go!”

“Hold on, how are we supposed to get there?” Sebastian asked.

“Uh, you’re driving obviously.” 

“I _always_ drive.”

“Because you’re so good at it.” 

“I could drive,” Sam offered.

“Oh fuck no,” Abby said. 

“Do you want your stir fry or not?”

“Not so desperately that I’d risk dying for it.”

Sam turned to Lila. “What do you think, Lila?”

“Um,” Lila looked at her friends, at least she thought they were all friends. “I still have a lot to do around the farm. I didn’t even finishing watering my crops.”

“I finished everything while you were sleeping,” Sebastian said.  

Lila looked over at him. He met her eyes for a moment then looked away. She still couldn't figure out what was with him. She wanted to ask, but thought it would be awkward in front of Sam and Abby. She still felt so guilty for being such a bitch to him this morning. 

“No excuses then!” Abby said, rising to her feet. “To the city we go!” 

 

~

 

Wandering around Zuzu City made Lila forget she ever left. She hadn’t been gone long, but she thought it would’ve been harder to resume her city living habits. She immediately remembered the street names as she walked, naturally weaving in and out of the clusters of people. Even her old fast paced gait returned. The only thing out of place was the three people trailing behind her. 

Lila glanced around the shops and restaurants, trying to remember if the Thai place she used to go to was on Fifth and Main or Fifth and North. Then she felt a hand grab hers. 

Lila turned around startled, her hair whipping over her shoulder. 

“Woah, slow down,” Sebastian said, pulling her to a stop. “I almost lost you in the crowd.”

“Sorry, I kind of tunnel visioned for a moment.” 

They stood in the middle of the street, just looking at each other. Lila noticed the people walking past them in her periphery, but her gaze was focused on Sebastian. She wanted to say something, to apologize for earlier. Then she felt his hand shift in hers and she realized they were still holding hands. She let go and slipped her hand into her pocket. The warmth from his touch lingered on her palm. 

“Did we lose Sam and Abby?” Lila peered over his shoulder.

“I don’t think so, but I wouldn’t mind if we did.” 

She looked back to him, a weird half smirk spread across his face. 

“They’re not so bad.” She shrugged. 

They were quiet again, the weird tension from earlier heavy in the air between them. 

 _Are you mad at me?_ Lila wanted to ask. _Did I share too much with you?_

Then she spotted Sam and Abby appear from behind Sebastian.

“You’re fast for someone so short,” Sam said as he walked past Lila, ruffling her hair. She pressed her brows together and Sebastian laughed. 

“Still think they’re not so bad?” He smiled at her, then turned to follow Sam. 

Lila’s eyes followed him. She had a sudden urge to reach out and grab his hand, missing the feeling of it in her own. 

“You’re making it so obvious,” Abby said, falling into step beside her.

“Making what so obvious?” Lila snapped her gaze to her purple haired friend.

Abby leaned over and whispered, “That you’re falling for him.” 

“What?” Lila practically yelled, heat rising to her cheeks. “No, I’m not.” 

“You totally are.” Abby laughed. “You just might not know it yet.” Then she skipped ahead and punched Sam in the shoulder. Sam groaned and brought his hand up to grab where Abby hit him. 

Lila’s gaze drifted over to Sebastian, who was walking with his hands in the pockets of his jeans. He turned his head over his shoulder and then slowed his pace so she could catch up. 

“When I said to slow down, I meant to normal Lila speed,” he teased. “Not a snail’s pace.” 

“Sorry.” Lila looked down at her feet and shoved her hands deeper into her pockets, Abby’s words still replaying in her head. 

 

When they finally arrived at the restaurant, Abby was completely distraught when the hostess told them the wait was around thirty minutes. Lila wasn’t surprised since typical waiting times in the city were at least forty, especially during the lunch rush. She offered to find a different place so they didn’t have to wait, then Abby came up with the clever idea of splitting them into couples. Lila wasn’t sure if she did it because she was starving or because she found amusement in torturing her. 

“I don’t see why they can’t just push our tables together,” Lila complained as she leaned back in her seat across from Sebastian. 

“Someone’s in a mood,” Sebastian said as he flipped through the menu, not looking up at her. 

“Just tired,” Lila lied.

Sebastian peered up at her then back down. “If you say so.”

She leaned forward and narrowed her eyes at him. “Are you suggesting that I’m lying?” 

“Not directly, but yes.” 

Lila sighed, then began fidgeting with a pair of chopsticks on the table. She glanced around the restaurant, suddenly reminded of when she would come here with her dad and brother. Lila didn’t want to admit it, but she desperately missed them. She wondered if they missed her too, or if they were glad to be rid of her. 

Lila felt Sebastian place his hand on top of hers. She immediately stopped fidgeting. A flutter emerged beneath her ribs. 

“Just tell me what’s wrong,” he said, meeting her eyes for the first time in what felt like an eternity. 

Lila hated how easily he could read her.

“I used to come here with my dad and brother,” she said as she pulled her hands away and slipped them into her lap. Lila flexed her fingers under the table, hoping it would get rid of the feeling of his skin on hers. “My dad said it reminded him of a place him and my mom used to go to when they were in college. The place doesn’t exist anymore. It’s an apartment complex now.” She paused, stopping herself from rambling, then shrugged. “I guess I miss them.”

They were quiet again. Sebastian still stared at her, his eyes searching her face. Lila was unsure if she should share more, if he cared to know more. 

“What was she like?” Sebastian finally asked. “Your mom.” 

“I don’t really know.” Lila rested her elbow on the table and leaned her chin onto her hand. “I was so young when she died. It’s hard for me to differentiate my own memories from stories I’ve heard. She was an artist, a painter. And when she wasn’t painting, she always had a book in her hands. I used to write stories for her to read.”

“So that’s why you want to be a writer.”

“Yeah.” 

Lila couldn’t recall anyone genuinely asking why she wanted to be a writer, let alone infer the reason. When anyone did ask, they always assumed it was because she liked reading or because she wanted to become famous. No one ever considered that telling stories made her feel a strange connection to her dead mother. 

Lila didn’t want to think about her mom anymore, so she changed the subject. “Have you ever had Thai iced coffee before?”

“Nope. Is it any good?”

“It’s amazing. And that’s coming from me. You should try it.”

Sebastian eyed her suspiciously. “You’re encouraging my coffee habits? Is this part of a plot to kill me?” 

“No,” Lila smiled. “I think you’re doing a good enough job of that with your smoking.”

He rolled his eyes and looked back down at the menu. Then his phone lit up from its spot on the table. Sebastian looked at it and shook his head. “Abby wants your number. Says she needs to send you something.”

“Uh, okay.” 

Sebastian fiddled with his phone, then set it back on the table.

Lila’s phone vibrated not too long afterward. She pulled it from her pocket and looked down at the screen. There was an unread message from an unfamiliar number, which she suspected was Abby. Lila tapped the message to open it. It was a picture of Lila with her hand resting against her face, smiling at Sebastian. Her phone vibrated again with a text from Abby. 

 

**Are you sure you’re not falling for him? :P**

 

Lila’s eyes grew wide at her phone. She hesitated before looking back at the picture. She looked happy, happier than she'd seen herself in a long time. It was jarring in a way. But this was just one picture. Surely she didn't look at him like that all the time, right? 

Lila’s stomach clenched and she suddenly didn't feel hungry anymore. 

“Something wrong?” Sebastian looked up at her. 

Lila shook her head and slipped her phone into her pocket. “Nope,” she said, desperately hoping he couldn’t see past her lie this time. 

 

~

 

It seemed like a typical Friday night at The Stardrop Saloon—everyone was having a good time drinking and chatting. Well, almost everyone. Lila was still miserably dwelling on Abby’s words from earlier in the week. 

Lila initially hesitated at the idea of hanging out at the saloon, but thought playing pool would help clear her head. Then Sam officially banned her from playing because her skill level would ruin the fun. Lila protested at first. Then she offered to teach him how to play, which made Sam more offended and elicited a laugh from Sebastian. Not just any laugh, though. It was the one that actually reached his eyes and showed his perfectly set teeth. It made Lila’s chest constrict like she had forgotten how to breathe. 

Lila leaned back against the wall, sulking as she sipped on her second beer of the night, and watched her friends play. It was certainly a distraction, just not the kind she needed at the moment.

Her eyes naturally grazed over Sebastian as he lined up his cue to take a shot. He looked up at her for a brief moment and grinned. Lila quickly looked away and took a long sip of her beer. She wasn’t sure if the heat rising to her face was from the alcohol or embarrassment. 

 _Are you sure you’re not falling for him?_ She recalled Abby’s words.

Lila was sure. Well, she thought she was. But after almost two days of fixating on the question, Lila was beginning to think she wasn’t so sure. And now, as she watched the way Sebastian’s hair fell into his face, Lila realized she had no fucking clue about anything other than the fact she was annoyed at how good-looking he was.

Lila took another sip of her beer and turned to Abby. Her purple haired friend was in the middle of an intense level of Journey of the Prairie King, but Lila needed some advice and she wasn’t about to ask Sebastian. 

“How do you know if you’re falling for someone?” She asked quietly. 

“Does this have to do with what I said the other day?” Abby aggressively pressed the buttons on the machine, her eyes not leaving the game. 

Lila sighed. “Maybe.”

“You know I was just teasing, right?” 

Lila crossed her arms and turned back to the pool table. Her eyes drifted back to Sebastian, who, at that exact moment, lifted the hem of his shirt to wipe his forehead, exposing the toned muscles of his stomach. Lila sighed. She was convinced the universe was torturing her, but she couldn't bring herself to look away. 

She was so concentrated on Sebastian, she almost didn’t hear Abby say, “You just know.” 

Lila turned to her friend again because she couldn’t deal with looking at Sebastian anymore. “But _how_ do you know?”

“Haven’t you dated before?”

“Yeah, but I never actually loved any of them. At least, I don’t think I did.” 

Abby stopped playing her game for a moment, her hand reaching up to fiddle with her pink crystal necklace. “It’s different for everyone, I think. Sometimes the feeling is gradual. Sometimes it happens unexpectedly. But when you know, you just _know_.”

Lila watched Abby’s eyes drift over her shoulder, her expression softened. Lila followed her friend’s gaze over to Emily who was laughing with Shane at the bar. Lila looked back at Abby who was still playing with her necklace, her face blank as if she was lost in thought. 

“That’s a pretty necklace,” Lila said. “Where did you get it?”

Abby’s eyes darted back to Lila. She pulled her fingers away from the crystal and ran a hand through her violet hair. 

“Doesn’t matter,” she said and went back to playing her game. 

“I thought you were in desperate need of a girl to talk to?” Lila teased her. 

“Yeah, but not about…” Abby sighed. “Just drop it, okay?”

Lila started to apologize, but her attention was drawn away by someone approaching the pool table. 

"Sup, losers,” Alex said, glancing over the room and noticing Lila amongst them. “Ah, I see you've recruited a new member. Poor Abby has to share now."

"Go jerk off to yourself in the mirror or something, Alex," Abby said, not bothering to look over at him. 

Sam straightened from taking his shot and leaned his cue against the table. "What do you want?"

"I'm throwing a party tomorrow night for Haley's birthday,” Alex said. “And I have a few requests." He grinned at Sebastian and held up a folded slip of paper between his fingers.

Sebastian pressed his lips to a line. "I don't do that shit anymore."

"Oh, come on, Sebby.”

Sebastian discreetly glanced around the saloon then grabbed the slip of paper and unfolded it. His eyes scanned over whatever was written on it, then he let out a small laugh. "I could maybe get the third, but the rest are a hard no." 

He folded the paper and handed it back to Alex. 

"Don’t let me down,” Alex whined. “I promised my friends a good time."

Sebastian shook his head and turned away from him. "Take it or leave it."

"Fine,” Alex grumbled, slipping the paper back into his pocket. “See you fuckers tomorrow night?" He turned and walked away before anyone responded. 

Lila glanced over her friends, unsure of what just happened. "Uh, are you guys actually going to that?"

"Hell yeah,” Sam said, picking his cue back up. “Who can pass down free booze?"

"And the people watching will be to die for,” Abby added. 

Lila ran a hand through her hair. She hadn’t been to a party in awhile and wasn’t sure if she felt comfortable going. 

"You don't have to go if you don't want to,” Sebastian said, reaching a hand up to rest on her shoulder. Lila hadn’t noticed when he moved to stand next to her. She lifted her arm to take a sip of her beer, causing his hand to fall off her shoulder. 

"I’ll go,” Lila said, mostly in spite of him. Maybe it would be the distraction she needed.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading :)


	8. Bad Habits

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lila and the gang attend Haley's birthday party (even though Haley is barely mentioned, oops).

Chapter Eight

 

If Lila didn't know any better, she would've assumed she just stepped foot into a frat party at Zuzu University and not Haley and Emily’s house. The place was crowded, packed with faces she had never seen before. The music so loud she could feel it in her pulse. But what truly brought Lila back to her college days was the strong smell of weed and beer and possibly piss. Though, she really hoped she was misinterpreting the last one. 

Abby, Sam, and Penny snaked around the clusters of people on their way to the kitchen. Lila followed behind them, cradling the cake she had baked to protect it from any rogue drunks. It was a vanilla cake with pink frosting and confetti sprinkles. Lila hoped Haley would like it, but she ultimately felt stupid when she noticed Abby holding a handle of vodka with a pretty pink bow. 

“Did you put drugs in it?” Abby had teased her on their way to the party. Lila just rolled her eyes in response and tried not to let her friend’s words get to her. 

“Well, I think it’s a nice gesture,” Penny had said with a reassuring smile. Lila thanked her and wondered why her friends didn’t bring the cheery redhead around more often. 

Lila gently set the cake on the kitchen counter, then self-consciously pulled down at the hem of her top. Well, it was technically Abby’s. She’d lent it to her because she was unimpressed when Lila showed up at her house in black jeans and a striped T-shirt. 

“You look so…yourself,” Abby had complained. 

“Well, that’s what I was going for.” 

“But this is a _party_.” 

Lila hadn’t been opposed to letting Abby dress her. She just wished her friend had picked something that resembled more of a shirt than a longline bralette passing as a crop top. Abby was more slender than her so the top didn’t exactly fit her properly. It was uncomfortable and constricting and made Lila feel super self-conscious. Thankfully, her leather jacket could hide most of the cleavage. 

“Stop fidgeting,” Abby swatted at Lila’s hands. “You look hot.” 

Lila pulled her jacket closer to her body. “Well, I feel bloated.” 

“Shut up or I’ll put lipstick on you.” 

Lila groaned. Then Abby grabbed her hand and pulled her along to look for Haley. 

“Do you see her?” Abby asked as she looked around the living room. 

But Lila wasn’t looking for Haley, she was looking for Sebastian. He’d been missing in action since leaving the saloon last night. Lila thought he would’ve at least showed up for the Egg Festival this morning, but he was nowhere to be found. His absence wouldn’t have alarmed Lila if she hadn’t witnessed his conversation with Alex. She had asked Abby about it while they got ready at her house. But her friend assured her that it was nothing, that he did this all the time. It only made Lila worry more.

Lila looked around at the crowd of people again and spotted Emily and Shane. They were sitting close together on a red couch in the corner of the living room. Emily held a drink in her hand with her legs draped across his lap. Shane’s arm was slung along the back of the couch, barely brushing over the blue haired girl’s shoulder. 

Lila turned to Abby in hopes to distract her, but it was too late. She was staring at them. 

“I have the sudden urge to make really poor life choices,” Abby said, turning to Lila. There was a wild look in her eye. “Wanna do shots?”

 

~

 

Sebastian eased around a group of drunks. He was trying to navigate his way to the kitchen, where he had spotted Abby’s bright purple hair, but kept running into idiots that were high or drunk or both. He pushed past another spatially unaware person and took a spot next to Abby, who was talking to a brunette wearing a bra as a shirt. 

“Sorry,” he said, leaning his back against the counter. “I hit a ton of traffic coming back from the city. Where’s Abercrombie?” 

“No clue.” Abby lifted her drink to her lips. “They all look the fucking same.” 

“I think I saw him go to Haley’s room,” the girl next to Abby said. 

Sebastian looked over to her and he immediately felt a pang in his stomach, like a punch straight to the gut. It was Lila, he realized. Lila was the brunette wearing a bra as a shirt. 

She looked nothing like her usual self. Sebastian always thought Lila looked beautiful, but looking at her now, she was otherworldly. Her hair cascaded over her shoulder in loose dark curls. Her eyes were lined in black. But what he found most shocking was her shirt, or lack of. She was wearing some sort of black crop top with thin straps and a plunging neckline. Sebastian swore he could see a glimpse of a tattoo peeking out where the neckline stopped. And then he realized he was staring. 

“Ha! Told you!” Abby laughed obnoxiously as she elbowed Lila’s arm. 

Lila frowned then grabbed the leather jacket that was slung over the counter and slipped it on, hugging it close to her body. Abby stepped around Sebastian, still laughing, and searched through the array of alcohol crowding the far counter. Sebastian scooted closer to Lila, who was looking down at the drink in her hand. 

“Hey,” he said, not really sure what to say. 

“Nice of you to finally show.” 

“Sorry, I was—”

“Running an errand,” Lila interrupted him with a mocking tone and air quotes. “Can I say something?” She didn’t stop to let him answer. “Selling drugs to Alex is some stupid shit.”

“I’m not selling him drugs. I did a long ass time ago. But I don’t anymore.” 

“Then why did you go to the city?”

Sebastian sighed. “This was the last time.”

“Good,” she said, lifting her drink to her lips. 

He tilted his head, trying to look her in the eyes, but she kept her gaze down. “Are you mad at me or something?”

Lila finally looked over at him and sighed. “I had a friend in college get caught in a bad drug deal.” She paused. “So I guess I was worried about you or something. You didn’t respond to any of my texts.” 

“I’m sorry,” he said, reaching a hand out and placing it on top of hers. “I didn’t mean to worry you. It won’t happen again.”

“It better not.” 

Sebastian watched Lila’s expression soften. Then he felt her hand rotate beneath his, interlacing their fingers. A tingle shot up his entire arm. 

“There you are!” Alex said, clapping Sebastian on the shoulder. “I’ve been looking for you.”

Sebastian pulled his hand away from Lila and immediately missed her touch.

“I just got here,” he said, turning to Alex.

“Hopefully not empty handed,” Alex grinned at him. 

Sebastian looked around at all the people nearby. “Can we do this somewhere else?”

“Sure thing.”

He started to follow Alex out of the kitchen, but felt a hand grab his arm. Sebastian turned his head over his shoulder and saw Lila staring at him.

“I’ll go with you,” she said. 

He shook his head. “I don’t want you to get involved.”

Lila dropped her hold on his arm and frowned. 

Sebastian reached up to curl a loose strand of hair behind her ear. “I’ll be right back. I promise.” 

 

~

 

“How about tequila?” Abby picked up a bottle from the counter and held it toward Lila. 

She glanced over it and shook her head. “Brings back bad memories from college.”

“Perfect,” Abby smiled as she poured the tequila and an assortment of other shit into a cup, then handed it to her. 

Lila grudgingly lifted the cup to her lips, the smell immediately made her want to vomit. She set the cup down on the counter. “How about a beer instead?” 

“Boring.” 

Lila watched Abby survey counter and reach for a bottle of whiskey. She poured some into a cup, followed by some cola, then handed it to Lila. Lila hesitated before taking it. At least it wasn't tequila. 

“Hey, Pen, have you ever tried tequila before?” Abby called to the redhead who was fiddling with her phone. 

“Um, no.” 

Abby mischievously grinned as she dangled the cup in her hand. “Do you want to?”

“Uh, I dunno.”

“Ugh, you two suck,” Abby said, downing the cup in a big gulp. She didn’t even look phased. Lila wasn’t sure if she should be impressed or alarmed by her friend’s alcohol tolerance. 

"Penny, baby, dance with me," Sam stumbled toward them, a slight slur to his words. Sebastian followed behind him, shaking his head. 

"Honey, are you drunk?" Penny tilted her head at him and frowned. 

Sam wrapped his arms around her waist and kissed her cheek. "Yeah, off of how much I love you." Penny smiled at him and let him lead her off into the living room. 

Abby made a face at them. “I think I’ll go vomit now,” she said, pouring more alcohol into her cup before she walked off and disappeared into the crowd. 

Sebastian took a spot next to Lila, leaning back against the counter. She turned her head and discreetly eyed him up and down, then took a long sip of her drink. She wasn’t sure what came over her, it was probably the alcohol going to her head, but with a sudden spark of confidence, Lila turned to him and said, “Dance with me.”

He narrowed his eyes at her. “What?”

Lila set her drink down, then reached over and grabbed his hand. 

“Come on,” she coaxed, pulling on his hand to follow her into the living room. 

Sebastian shook his head. “Uh, I don’t think so.” 

She took a step closer to him so they were only inches apart and interlaced their fingers. “Dance with me, you coward.” 

Her eyes moved between his, gauging his expression. He stared at her with a blank face, eyes unreadable. Lila sighed and let go of his hand. 

“Suit yourself.” 

Then she walked past him to join her friends in the other room. 

Lila immediately noticed Abby’s purple hair in the crowd. She was spinning in circles and giggling with her drink still in her hand. When she spotted Lila, Abby started toward her and grabbed her hand, pulling her into the crowd. She spun her then moved her hips to the beat of the music, stopping every so often to take a sip of her drink. Lila mirrored her friend’s movements, smiling and laughing at how ridiculous they looked. Then she started to feel a little light headed. She lost her grip on Abby’s hand and stumbled backward. Lila reached out in front of her to steady herself, then felt an arm snake around her waist to steady her. 

“I’ve got you,” a voice said. 

Lila turned in the person’s arms and looked up at them. Part of her expected it to be Sebastian, but it was a stranger. A cute stranger. He had short brown hair and piercing green eyes. He reminded her of someone she would’ve fooled around with in college.  

“Couldn’t convince your boyfriend to dance?” He nodded over her shoulder. 

Lila turned her head and saw Sebastian staring at them. She quickly looked away. 

“He’s not my boyfriend,” she said, turning back to the guy in front of her. 

“Even better.” He smiled at her playfully. Lila blushed and ran a hand through her hair. 

“I’m Nate, by the way.” 

“Lila.” 

“Pretty name for a pretty girl,” he said, extending a hand to her. Lila took it and let him pull her close, his arm wrapping tighter around her waist. 

She turned her head again and met eyes with Sebastian. He watched her with his arms crossed over his chest, jaw clenched tight. Guilt settled in her stomach. Lila watched as he pressed his lips to a line and started toward the kitchen. She pulled away from Nate’s grasp and followed him. 

Lila entered the kitchen just as Sebastian lifted a lighter to the cigarette between his lips. She grabbed it before he could light it and shoved it into her pocket. He grumbled and stared at her with wide eyes. 

“Can we talk about it instead of suppressing it with cancer sticks?” 

“There isn’t anything to talk about,” he said flatly, pulling out a pack of cigarettes from his pocket. Lila snatched it from his hand and chucked it across the counter. 

“What the—” he began, but Lila cut him off. 

“I never would’ve considered you the jealous type.”

Sebastian turned away and leaned back against the counter. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“If you wanted to dance with me you should’ve said so.”

“I don’t dance.”

Lila crossed her arms and tilted her head in his direction. “Even with me?”

He looked over at her, but was silent. It was impossible for her to read his face. 

“It's not fair, you know." She said quietly. "You can read me so easily, like I’m an open book. But with you, it's like decoding an application or something. Fitting, but unfair."

They stared at each other. The silence so thick, it consumed the room. Then chatter emerged from the people filtering into the kitchen. Lila sighed and turned away from Sebastian.

Sam walked in with Penny, mumbling about something under his breath. Penny pretended she was listening as she grabbed a bottle of water from the fridge and handed it to him. He lifted it to his lips and spilled water all down the front of his shirt. 

“You really need to learn how to handle your alcohol, Sammy,” Abby laughed as she searched through the bottles of alcohol on the counter. 

Lila kept her gaze forward even though she could see Sebastian staring at her in her periphery. Then she felt his fingers lightly brush across hers, as if asking for permission to touch her. Lila pulled her hand away and crossed her arms. 

“What are you losers doing in the kitchen?” Alex sauntered in with his arm slung around Haley’s shoulder. 

“Avoiding you,” Abby said.

Haley laughed and moved out from under her boyfriend’s shoulder. “Make me a drink?” she asked Abby. 

“Of course. Anything for the birthday girl.”

Lila noticed Alex glance between her and Sebastian, a smile pulling at the corner of his mouth. He took a long drink from the beer in his hand and said, “When’s the last time we all played never have I ever?”

“Uh like forever ago,” Abby said as she mixed a bunch of shit in a cup for Haley. “But what’s the point if we’ve known each other since high school?”

“Well, we haven’t known Lila since high school,” Alex grinned. “Come on, it’ll be fun.”

“Yeah, I wanna play!” Haley exclaimed. 

“Well we gotta do what the birthday girl says, right?” He took another sip and looked at Lila. “Unless you’re too chicken.” 

Lila wasn’t in the mood to play stupid party games. But she knew guys like Alex too well, the kind that wanted to assert dominance by embarrassing the others around him. He didn't know Lila at all. And he should’ve thought twice before trying to cross her because she didn’t have any patience left to deal with his fuckery. 

“Yeah,” Lila said, meeting his gaze. “Let’s play.” 

Alex reached into the fridge for a beer and tossed it to Lila. She caught it and popped the tab. 

“Who should start?” Haley asked, taking a sip of her drink. 

Alex looked around the room. "Penny, first.” he explained. “Then we’ll go counter clockwise.” 

"Uh," Penny said, looking down and fidgeting with her hands. 

“Just say whatever, babe, no pressure,” Sam said. 

"Never have I ever been so drunk that I passed out?"

Everyone drank and Penny frowned. Sam pulled her to him and kissed her head. “We all can’t be as good as you.” 

Then he looked over to Abby and smiled mischievously. "Never have I ever bought pee to pass a drug test.”

“Wow, _fuck you_ ,” Abby said, narrowing her eyes and taking a drink. Then she smiled back at him. "Never have I ever prematurely ejaculated."

Sam cocked his head to Sebsatian. “What the fuck Seb!”

“Seb didn’t tell me,” Abby laughed hysterically. “Penny did.”

“Penny!”

“Sorry,” the redhead looked down in embarrassment. “I didn’t think it was that big of a deal.” 

“For the record, it was only one time.”

“Whatever you say,” Abby leaned back against the counter, smiling. 

Everyone turned to Alex, who seemed to be carefully selecting his victim. He looked between Lila and Sebastian again, then said, "Never have I ever fucked anyone in this room.”

Lila watched the smile spread across Alex’s face as he took a drink. Playing martyr during a drinking game was a dirty move. Lila thought he was trying to embarrass her, making some assumption that her and Sebastian had fucked. But then she noticed Abby glance over at Sebastian and quickly look away, not bringing her drink to her lips. 

"Liar," Alex turned to point at Abby. Then dragged his finger across the room to Sebastian. "Liar."

"You're such a fucking asshole,” Abby started toward Alex, but Sam grabbed her shoulder to hold her back. 

Lila understood everyone had a past, but she couldn't help feeling awkward about this new bit of information. And maybe a little jealous. 

As if reading the expression on her face, Alex said, "Lila, I dare you to kiss Sebastian."

"That's not even the game, you moron,” Abby glared at him. 

Alex shrugged and looked to Lila, silently challenging her. Lila lifted her beer to her lips, maintaining eye contact with him, and took a long drink. Then slammed the can down on the counter, the sound vibrated through the room. Everyone stared at her. 

Lila turned to Sebastian, grabbed the collar of his shirt to pull his face down to hers, and kissed him square on the mouth. His lips were softer than she expected. She felt his hand move to her waist, and for a moment, it felt like no one else was in the room. Just the two of them. She wanted to get lost in the feeling of his lips against hers, but then she remembered it was part of some stupid game. It didn’t mean anything. It wasn’t real. 

Lila pulled away and wiped her mouth with the back of her hand. Then she looked to Alex and said, "I dare you to find some semblance of dignity."

Lila stormed out of the kitchen, fighting the tears that were forming in her eyes. She could still feel everyone staring at her as she walked away. She didn’t even know where she was going, she just couldn’t be here right now. 

 

~

 

It didn’t take Sebastian long to find Lila. She was sitting against a tree along the southernmost riverbank of town. Her eyes were locked on the movement of the water in front of her. As he got closer, he noticed she was twirling a cigarette between her fingers. 

Sebastian cleared his throat, then said, “Need a light?”

Lila slowly looked over at him, her face expressionless. Then turned her gaze back to the river without saying a word. 

He sat down next to her, leaning his back against the tree. Their shoulders slightly touched. He reached into his pocket for a lighter and held it out to her, expecting her to take it from him. Instead, Lila pressed the cigarette to her lips and leaned forward. Sebastian flicked the lighter on and watched as she held the cigarette over the flame, inhaling deeply. She leaned her head back against the tree and smoothly exhaled. Sebastian watched the tendrils of smoke drift from her lips. 

Lila turned her head to him as she took another drag, as if waiting for him to say something. When he didn’t, she handed him the cigarette and looked ahead. She ran a hand through her hair as her eyes traced the steady movement of the river. 

Sebastian lifted the cigarette to his lips. There was so much he wanted to say, but couldn't figure out how to eloquently form his thoughts into words. But Lila deserved more than silence.

“I’m sorry,” he finally said. “You’re right, it isn’t fair. Especially when you’ve shared so much with me.” He paused, glancing over her face. “I’ll try to do better.” 

He passed the cigarette to her. Lila’s hand brushed over his as she took it between her fingers, leaving a tingle on his skin. 

“You could start now.”

“I wouldn’t even know where to begin.” 

“Anywhere,” she said while smoke escaped her lips. 

Sebastian tried not to overthink it and just started talking. 

“I never knew my father,” he began, taking the cigarette from Lila. “I don’t know anything about him other than he’s an asshole for leaving my mom. Sometimes I wonder what he's like, if I'm like him.” He took a drag to distract himself from the way Lila was watching him. “I know I resemble him. Sometimes, I'll catch my mom looking at me in a strange way. I just know it pains her a little to look at me. To be reminded of the asshole that knocked her up and ran away.”

Lila sat up a little straighter, turning her shoulders to him. “Even if she does see him in you, she loves you.” 

Sebastian let out a small laugh. “She’s obligated to, isn't she?”

He handed the cigarette over to Lila, but she shook her head. 

“Your mom isn't like that,” she said, tilting her head to look into his eyes.  

Sebastian looked away and pressed the cigarette back to his lips one last time. “Sometimes I feel like I'm a stranger in my own house. I look at my mom, Demetrius, and Maru and see a happy, functional family. And then there's me...” He paused to put out the cigarette in the dirt. “Sometimes I think it would be easier if I just left. Let them be a happy family without me.”

Lila shifted in her spot to face him. “You really have no idea how great you are, do you?”

Sebastian stared off at the river ahead. He couldn’t bring himself to look at her. “There's really nothing special about me.”

“You’re wrong.”

Her words made his chest clench. His gaze drifted to her golden brown eyes, then down to her lips. He felt a pang of guilt in his stomach. 

"It wasn't supposed to happen like that," Sebastian said, then realized how vague and stupid it sounded. "Kissing you."

Lila looked down at the ground. "Sorry to disappoint you."

"No, shit, that isn't what I meant.” He ran a hand over his face. “I just... I've thought about kissing you at least a hundred times and none of them consisted of a dare in Haley's kitchen in front of our friends." 

Sebastian sighed and looked down at his hands, thinking about how stupid he just sounded. Then he felt a gentle hand touch his jaw, turning his face. Lila looked up at him and leaned closer. 

"What are you doing?"  

"Kissing you again," she said, a smile spreading across her face. "Because apparently the first time wa—"

Sebastian kissed her before she could finish. 

It was soft at first, a gentle press of his lips. Then Lila brought a hand up to cup his face, pulling him closer. She parted his lips with her own, pressing hard against his mouth to deepen the kiss. The brush of her tongue filled his mouth with the taste of caramel and cigarettes. Sebastian wrapped an arm around Lila's waist and pulled her onto his lap. His hands slid down to her hips, gripping them and pressing them down into his. She smiled against his mouth as her fingers drifted up to tangle in his hair. Sebastian moved his mouth along the curve of her jaw to the soft skin of her neck. Lila let out a breathy sigh. Her other hand slipped under the hem of his shirt, setting every nerve of his body on fire. 

Desire clouded Sebastian’s mind and before he realized what he was doing… 

"Lila," he whispered against her skin. "I think I'm falling in love with you."

Her entire body tensed under his touch. Lila pulled away, breath ragged. Her amber eyes searched his face. "You can't."

“Sure, I can." He narrowed his eyes and smiled. He thought she was teasing, being stubborn. Then he noticed she was crying. It was nothing close to the reaction he was expecting.

Sebastian brushed her hair out of her face and over the curve of her ear. “Lila?” 

“You don’t know. I didn’t… I—” Lila shook her head and rose from his lap, tears streaming down her face. "I'm sorry. I just…I need to go home." She wiped her eyes with her hand then turned to walk away. 

Sebastian stood and started after her. 

"Wait,” he called after her. “I'll walk you." 

Lila didn’t answer, just quickened her pace down the road leading to the farm. 

"What's wrong?" Sebastian reached out to grab her hand, but she pulled away. “Talk to me.”

"You wouldn't understand,” she said, her voice unsteady from crying. 

"Lila, please."

"Just leave me alone, okay?" She turned around and snapped at him. 

Sebastian stopped in place, startled from her sharp tone. He looked at her tear-streaked face and felt defeated. He didn't even care she didn't say it back, he just wanted her to stop crying. 

“Okay, whatever you want,” he said quietly. 

Lila took a few steps backward, then turned around and hurried down the road leading to the farm. 

Sebastian wanted to follow her, wanted to convince her to talk to him. But he didn’t have the energy to face rejection right now. So instead, he shoved his hands in his pockets and watched the girl he loved disappear in the distance, wondering how he managed to fuck everything up. 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know, I know. You must think I'm EVIL, but I just couldn't let it be that easy. >;)
> 
> As always, thanks for reading <3


	9. Ignoring the Heart

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sebastian wakes up from a rough night.  
> Lila contemplates how to explain what's going on to Sebastian without scaring him away. 
> 
> CW: mention of past sexual assault, domestic violence, abusive relationship

Chapter Nine

 

Sebastian woke up the next morning with a hangover from hell. Everything hurt. A dull pain ached in his abdomen like he’d gotten kicked in the gut. His neck was stiff like he’d fallen asleep on a sack of rocks. His head throbbed, the tension so intense he thought his brain was going to burst. Even the mere thought of opening his eyes hurt. 

“Rise and shine,” a familiar voice said, lightly kicking him in the leg. 

Sebastian groaned as he turned from his side onto his back. He placed a hand over his face and slowly let light into his eyes. Everything was so fucking bright. He squinted at the figure standing above him and realized it was his best friend, looking down at him with a smug grin on his face. 

“You look like absolute shit,” Sam said, smiling wider. “Coffee? Aspirin?” He lifted his hands, presenting a mug in one and a bottle of pills in the other. 

Sebastian sat up and felt the world spin around him. He brought a hand up to rub his forehead in an attempt to ease the pulsing feeling under his skull. Then he slowly inspected his surroundings. From the familiar band equipment in the corner and the foul green carpet beneath him, he realized he was in Sam’s room. He didn’t even want to know how he ended up there. 

“My savior,” Sebastian grumbled as he grabbed the mug from Sam and started chugging. He regretted it once the coffee hit his stomach. He felt like he was going to retch. He handed the mug back to Sam and reached for the pills. Sam watched him with a concerned look as he dry swallowed two and then laid back down on the carpet, contemplating his existence. 

“What the fuck happened last night?” Sebastian asked, massaging his temples. 

Sam sat cross legged on the floor next to him. “I don’t think you wanna know.” 

“That bad?” Sebastian slightly lifted his head and squinted at his friend. 

"Not your worst, but pretty fucking bad."

Sebastian sighed and rested his head back on the floor, closing his eyes. “Tell me.” 

“Well, what’s the last thing you remember?”

Sebastian thought back to the previous night. His mind instantly went to Lila. Specifically, kissing Lila. The vanilla scent of her hair, the softness of her lips, how she touched him like she wanted him just as bad as he wanted her. He didn’t want to think about what happened after, he just wanted to preserve that single moment before he fucked it all up. 

 _I think I’m falling in love with you_ , his words haunted him. His chest constricted. He took a deep breath to shake the feeling, but it wouldn’t go away. Fuck, he missed her. 

Sebastian opened his eyes and stared up at the ceiling. “Thinking hurts right now. Just start from wherever.”

“Okay, so you followed Lila after…” Sam paused and cleared his throat. “Uh, when you came back, she wasn’t with you. You wouldn’t talk, wouldn’t tell anyone what happened. You just started drinking anything and everything in sight.” He paused again. “You threw up in Haley’s kitchen. Abby and I had to drag your ass here.”

“Wonderful.”

They were quiet for a moment, then Sam asked, “What the hell happened with you and Lila?”

Hearing her name was like a knife to the heart. Sebastian sighed and rubbed his face. He really didn’t want to have this conversation right now. “I might’ve told her that I’m falling in love with her.”

“Shit.”

“Yeah.”

“What did she say?”

“She started crying.”

“That’s uh…”

“Not exactly a desired response. Yeah, I know.” He sighed again. The tension in his chest tightened. “I didn’t mean to say it. I mean, I wanted to, but—fuck—I’m such an idiot.”

“Why don’t you just talk to her about it? You guys get each other. Like you’re on the same weird wavelength or something.”

Sebastian shook his head. “She freaked out. She told me to leave her alone.”

“And you listened? Dude, this is why you can’t keep a girl for longer than a season.” 

“Says the guy that is constantly breaking up and getting back together with Penny.” 

“Love is hard, dude.” 

“Tell me about it.” Sebastian felt around his pockets for his phone, but they were empty. He looked up at Sam. “Where’s my phone? Did you tell my mom I was here?”

“It’s sleeping in a bag of rice right now. It kinda took a bath in some tequila.”

“So that’s why I feel so horrible.” 

“Abby’s idea. But for the record, you weren’t exactly opposed.” 

Sebastian sat up, clutched his head from the sudden movement, then slowly rose to his feet. Sam followed suit, glancing at his friend with a pained look on his face. 

“I better get home, my mom’s going to kill me.” Sebastian looked around the room for his shoes, finally noticing the red T-shirt he was wearing. He looked up at his friend with wrinkled brows. 

“Remember how I mentioned the throwing up part?” 

Sebastian didn’t want to hear anymore about last night. Sam picked up one of his shoes off the floor and tossed it to him. He caught it and tried to slip it on while balancing on one foot, then reached for the other by Sam’s bed. He rubbed his temples as he trudged to the door. He hoped Jodi wouldn’t spot him leave. She always thought he was a bad influence on her son and this situation would only affirm her judgement. Before he left the room, Sam caught his shoulder. Sebastian turned his head to his friend, holding the door ajar. 

“I know it seems like I’m just being that asshole friend that teases you, but I really think you two could make this work. Don’t give up. You deserve to be happy, dude. Even though you don’t think so.” Sam gave him an encouraging smile. Sebastian appreciated it, even though he didn’t believe him. 

“Thanks, Sam,” Sebastian nodded, faking a smile on his face. He couldn’t bare to burst his friend’s optimism bubble, but a part of him just knew there was no way this situation would work out in his favor. 

 

~

 

Lila had been pacing for awhile now, her black high tops kicking up dirt as she dragged her heels. She’d been at it for at least a half hour, possibly longer. She pulled her phone out of her pocket to check the time. Forty-five minutes. Forty-five minutes of aimlessly walking back and forth in front of Sebastian’s house and she still couldn’t muster enough confidence to go inside. Lila sighed, slipped her phone back in her pocket, and clutched the book she was holding closer to her chest. Showing up unannounced seemed like a good idea this morning when she finally grew tired of waiting for Sebastian to respond to her calls and texts. But dread found time to settle into her bones and she was beginning to think this was a mistake. He clearly didn’t want to talk to her, let alone see her. She had fucked up so bad. 

Lila closed her eyes and thought back to last night, to what Sebastian had said. 

_I think I’m falling in love with you._

She was scared. But his words weren't what scared her. Lila had heard empty confessions of love before and this was different. She could feel it. Like it was some sort of living energy that emitted off him. And it was terrifying. She felt it when their hands touched. She felt it while they kissed and he pulled her close, clutching onto her as if he was scared she'd slip through his fingers like sand. She felt it when he looked at her after she pulled away from him, right before she broke his heart.

 _I’m such a fucking asshole_ , she thought, then resumed her pacing. 

“He’s not here,” a voice called to her. 

Lila stopped in place, then turned toward the sound and found Robin leaning against the doorway with her arms crossed. 

Lila curled hair behind her ear and tried to come up with an excuse. “I, uh, wasn’t…” 

“No need to lie to me.” Robin smiled. “Why don’t you wait for him inside before you dig a trench in front of my house?”

Lila smiled back, then hesitantly followed the red haired woman inside. 

 

 

Lila hopped onto a stool at the kitchen counter. The aroma of freshly brewed coffee filled the room. Robin filled a mug for her and set it on the counter before Lila could protest. She looked down at the mug filled with liquid so dark it looked black and wrinkled her nose. What was with this family and coffee? She didn’t want to seem unappreciative of Robin’s gesture, but she was really dreading taking a sip from her mug. 

“You two get into a fight or something?” Robin’s voice startled her. 

Lila grudgingly lifted the mug to her lips and took a small sip, hoping her facial expression would remain neutral. “I’m just here to return a book he lent me.” She nodded to the book she had set down on the counter. 

Robin tilted her head and narrowed her eyes. “You’ve been pacing in front of my house for almost an hour because of a _book_?”

Lila looked down and took another sip from her mug, trying to avoid the question. But Yoba, it tasted terrible. 

“What did my dumbass of a son do this time?” Robin asked as she leaned back against the counter and crossed her arms. 

“He didn’t do anything,” Lila sighed. “I did.”

“Huh,” Robin lifted her mug to her lips. “And you’re here to…”

“Fix things. If that’s even possible.” 

Lila looked up and noticed Robin eyeing her with a strange smirk on her face. She suddenly felt awkward discussing this situation with Sebastian’s mom before she even had the chance to talk to him about it. Then she noticed Robin’s gaze drift away from her face and over her shoulder. 

“Speak of the devil,” Robin mumbled as she took another sip of coffee. 

Lila turned her head over her shoulder and instantly felt terror settle in her stomach. 

Sebastian walked into the kitchen. His gaze was focused down at the floor, dark hair falling into his face like usual. He was too busy rubbing his forehead to notice Lila sitting at the kitchen counter. 

“You look awful,” Robin said, her eyes glancing over her son. 

She wasn’t wrong. He looked disheveled, his hair messier than usual. But it was the red T-shirt he was wearing that threw Lila off. She’d never seen him wear anything besides black and occasionally charcoal grey. It made her want to ask where the hell he just came from. 

“I don’t want to talk about it,” Sebastian grumbled, reaching up into a cabinet to grab a mug and filling it with coffee. He turned around as he brought the mug to his lips and met eyes with Lila. He practically choked when he saw her, coffee spilling down his chin and onto his shirt. 

Lila grimaced as she watched Sebastian bring a hand to his chest and start coughing. 

“Well, that’s my cue to go,” Robin said, smiling at Lila before leaving the kitchen. 

Sebastian coughed a few more times, then cleared his throat and said, “What are you doing here?”

"I finally finished that book you lent me,” Lila answered with a smile, but Sebastian didn’t return the gesture. He just stared at her like she was some sort of apparition. She continued with her rambling. “Crazy cliffhanger. Who would've thought the love interest was the villain’s sister? Absolutely crazy." She paused, waiting for Sebastian to say something, but he just continued to stare at her. Lila sighed and started to fiddle with the mug in front of her. “I need to apologize, to explain. You weren’t answering my calls so I thought I’d find you here. But I can understand why you wouldn’t want to—”

“You called me?” He interrupted her. Lila looked up and at him and nodded.

“Yeah, at least a dozen times. I texted you too." She pulled her phone from her pocket and set it on the counter, showing him her call log. "Did you not get any of them?”

Sebastian leaned forward and inspected the phone, then looked up at her. “I fucked up my phone last night. Drowned it in tequila or something.”

Lila slid off the stool and walked around the counter. 

"Is that why you look like this?" She asked softly, bringing a hand up to touch his face. He pulled away before she could. 

They were quiet. Lila tried to remember the apology she thought she had memorized, but was drawing a blank. She picked at her nails, trying to figure out where to begin. Then Sebastian put his hand over hers to stop her fidgeting. Lila had a sudden urge to interlace their fingers, but he pulled his hand away before she could. 

“How about we talk in my room instead? My mom’s definitely listening.” 

Lila heard a faint, “No I’m not!” come from somewhere in the house and smiled. Sebastian rolled his eyes as he walked past her, starting down the hall leading to the basement. Lila shoved her hands in her pockets and followed him. 

 

 

They sat on the floor in silence, their backs leaning against the bed frame with their legs extended in front of them. Sitting like this reminded Lila of the last time she was in Sebastian’s room. She had tripped and messed up her ankle and was forced to stay the night at his house. She remembered being so worried about making a bad impression. She was worried for similar reasons now, but the meaning was heavier. 

“I can’t say I like the new look,” Lila said, glancing down at Sebastian’s shirt then back up to his face. “Red’s not really your color.” 

“It’s Sam’s,” he said. “I’m pretty sure I got vomit on mine last night.”

“You didn’t seem that drunk at the party.”

“Not until you left.”

Lila felt a pang of guilt, then looked down at her feet. 

“I’m sorry,” she said, but knew just saying sorry wasn’t good enough. “I was such an asshole. I got mad at you for not opening up to me and then when you did...” She sighed and bit her lip. This was so much harder than she thought it was going to be.

“I get that it’s hard for you to trust people, but you ran off crying with no explanation. I was worried about you. I know I shouldn’t have said—”

“No, it’s not that,” Lila interrupted him. 

“Then what?”

She went quiet. She opened her mouth to speak, but no words came so she sighed instead.

Sebastian reached over to grab her hand. “Do you still not trust me?” His voice so quiet it was almost a whisper. “I don’t know how else to prove myself to you. Tell me what I need to do.”

“It isn’t about you,” her voice wavered, tears prickling at the corners of her eyes. “It’s about me. It’s about what happened to me.” 

“You know you can tell me anything, right?”

“I want to, but I’m scared,” Lila said, tears falling onto her cheeks.

“Are you scared that I’ll hurt you?”

She shook her head and brought a hand up to wipe her eyes. “It’s just…” She paused. “I love the way you look at me and I’m scared if I tell you, you won’t be able to look at me the same way.”

“Lila,” Sebastian turned his shoulders to face her and brushed the hair out of her face. “Nothing’s going to change the way I look at you. We all have a past we’re stuck to live with. It’s a part of who we are. I really care about you, even the darkest parts of you.”

She stared at him, memorizing the way he looked at her before it all went to shit. 

“He raped me,” Lila said quietly, tears falling from her eyes. She thought if she said it quiet enough Sebastian wouldn’t hear her, but his eyes grew wide. She’d never seen his face so serious before.

“What?” Sebastian raised his voice, his eyes flashed with anger. “ _Who?_ ”

“My ex.” Lila wiped her eyes and looked back at her feet. It was too hard to look at him right now. “It happened almost two years ago, right before I graduated from college. There was this party. Everyone was wasted, except for me. I don't like getting shitfaced. I like being aware and in control. Anyway, my ex, Tyler, kept handing me drinks. Kept telling me that I needed to relax and enjoy my time before adulthood took over my life. He persuaded me, so I kept drinking.” 

The tears wouldn’t stop falling from her eyes. Lila reached up to wipe them away, but it was almost pointless. Sebastian put an arm around her, but Lila could sense he was unsure if she wanted him to touch her. She leaned in closer and placed her head onto his shoulder. 

“I don’t remember everything, but I know he brought me into this backroom. There was a couch, I think. We started making out and it was fine, until it got all rough and made me uncomfortable. I tried to get him to stop. I tried to push him off me, but I was drunk and he was so much stronger than me. He grabbed me, pinned me down, and…”

Lila was shaking, tears streaming down her face. She felt like a fucking disaster crying like this in front of Sebastian. She tried to continue talking, but couldn't finish her sentence. She didn't want to. Saying the rest would make it too real and she’d been doing a great job forgetting it ever happened. She felt Sebastian wrap his arms around her waist and pull her into his lap. She buried her face in the crook of his neck, soaking his shirt with her tears. 

Lila took a deep breath to steady herself, but she was practically sobbing now. Sebastian held her tighter, resting his head against hers. “The most fucked up part is I still wanted to be with him. I went to his apartment with the intention of apologizing because I didn’t think it was... I mean who denies their boyfriend sex, right?” She paused. “It took a year of therapy for me to realize what happened. That he had...” 

Lila lifted her head to look up at Sebastian. His eyes were glazed with sadness and anger, like he didn’t know which emotion he was supposed to be feeling right now. "Can't you see why this would never work between us? I'm so fucked up. I’m a mess. I’m broken."

He shook his head and reached a hand up to wipe away the tears on her face. "Lila, you're not any of those things. I can’t deny that I’m a bit upset. Angry, even. It hurts to think someone would do that to you.” He paused to run a hand through her hair. “It’s not your fault. Fuck, I hope you don’t think it was your fault. Lila, I wish I could do more than just say reassuring words. I wish I could take your pain away, erase what happened to you…”

Lila leaned her head back onto his shoulder. “Just you listening is enough.” 

“It’s not,” he whispered into her hair. “Just know that I'll do everything I can to keep you safe. To make sure nothing like that ever happens to you again.”

“You’re making it too easy for me to fall in love with you,” she said quietly.

Sebastian turned his head to look at her and smiled. “But I haven’t even tried yet.” 

Lila let out a small laugh and nudged his shoulder, then settled her head back in the crook of his neck. 

“I’m sorry I freaked out last night,” she said, fingers playing with the fabric of his shirt. “I should’ve just told you. I just didn’t want things to be weird between us. I’ve read other experiences online where the victim’s partner couldn’t see them as the same person anymore and…” 

“I get it. You didn’t think I would feel the same if I found out.”

She nodded. 

“I know this is a lot to take in right now. Do you need some time to digest? I can go if you need some space.”

“No,” Sebastian kissed her forehead, then pulled her closer. “I want you right here.” 

Lila turned her body and wrapped her arms around his neck. She could feel it again, that overwhelming energy that terrified her. She didn’t know if it was the way Sebastian was holding her or because a major weight had been lifted off her chest, but the feeling didn’t seem so scary anymore. It felt right. Almost as if... 

Lila considered an alarming possibility and immediately felt a twist in her stomach. Maybe—just maybe—the feelings she thought she had sensed from Sebastian weren’t actually his. Maybe they had been her’s all along.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Whew—that was a tough chapter to write. I hoped you liked it even though the content was... rough.
> 
> As always, thanks for reading and let me know what you think :)


	10. Deep End*

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sebastian takes some time to digest what happened to Lila.  
> Lila grows worried that Sebastian is avoiding her. 
> 
> CW: mentions of past sexual assault, domestic violence, abuse, self harm, & sexual content ;)

Chapter Ten

 

"So are you two like _together_?"

Lila rolled her eyes as she turned down the next aisle in an attempt to get her violet haired friend off her trail, but Abby continued to follow her. She’d been pestering her with questions since Lila stepped foot in Pierre’s. All she wanted was to pick up more seeds, not be bombarded with questions even she didn’t have answers to. 

They hadn’t exactly discussed what this thing between them was. And it wasn’t like they could any time soon since Sebastian practically dropped off the face of the planet to work on a new project. Lila didn’t want to think too much into it, but deep down she was really worried he was avoiding her. 

"Abby,” Lila turned her head and lowered her voice, hoping her friend would take the hint. “We just kissed."

Abby looked around to check if there was anyone within listening distance and said, "He told you he's falling in love with you."

"He said he _thinks_ he's falling in love with me," Lila corrected her friend. And she wouldn’t have been surprised if Sebastian decided to revoke the statement after their talk the other day. Sure, he had taken it well. Almost too well. Lila was just waiting for the situation to explode in her face. 

Abby narrowed her eyes and cocked her head to the side. "Same shit, different wording."

Lila rolled her eyes and continued browsing the store. She couldn’t even remember what she needed in the first place, but she tried to look busy so Abby would leave her alone. She didn’t. 

“This doesn’t have anything to do with what Alex said, right?” 

Lila had been avoiding that newly learned piece of information and was hoping it wouldn’t get brought up ever again. She just wanted it to slip past her like she’d never heard it in the first place. She had enough to deal with as it was.

"No, why would it?" Lila grabbed a packet of cauliflower seeds and pretended to read the back for no reason other than to avoid looking at Abby. 

Abby snatched the packet of seeds from her and put it back in its spot. "Because I had sex with the guy you're in love with."

Her words felt like rubbing salt in a wound, stinging with jealousy. Lila chewed the inside of her lip. 

"I'm not in love with him," she said flatly, moving down the aisle and pretending to be interested in some fertilizer.

Abby took a step in front of her to block her path. "But you _are_ falling for him."

Lila pressed her lips to a line and walked around her friend, ignoring her comment. "If you think I’m judging you because of something that happened in your past, then you don’t know me at all.” Then her curiosity got the best of her. “Was it recently?”

“No!” Abby raised her voice. Lila turned around and shot her a look. Abby cleared her throat then lowered her voice again. “It was _years_ ago. We were in high school. It’s ancient history.” 

“Okay, then we have nothing to worry about,” Lila said even though it still sort of bothered her.

“Good,” Abby let out a sigh of relief. “I’ve been worried that you hated me.” 

“Why would I hate you?”

“I dunno. I just didn’t want to ruin things between you two.”

 _I think I did a good enough job of that myself_ , Lila thought as she turned down the main aisle. She still couldn’t remember what the hell she needed to buy. 

“I can tell you’re hiding something,” Abby said, leaning against an end cap arranged with baking ingredients. “Want to talk about it?”

It wasn’t that Lila didn’t trust Abby, she just didn’t want to potentially taint another one of her relationships with what happened to her. Maybe eventually she could gather the strength to confide in her, it would be nice to hear another woman’s opinion. 

“We just haven’t talked much the last few days,” Lila said, hoping her vagueness wouldn’t be too obvious. “Seb’s been busy with a new project.”

“Yeah, he has a bad habit of disappearing for a few days when he’s focused on his work. But I wouldn’t worry too much about it.” 

 _Or he’s avoiding me_ , Lila thought but really hoped Abby was right. 

Lila sighed, shoving her hands into her pockets, and started toward the exit. She was only wasting time lingering in Pierre’s, since she didn’t have a clue as to why she was there in the first place. She probably should’ve made a list. 

“Aren’t you going to buy those potato seeds you came in for?” Abby called after her. 

 _Potato seeds, duh._  

 

~

 

Sebastian stared at his computer screen, fingers hovering over the keys on his keyboard. He’d been trying to finish these last few lines of code for the past hour, but his mind was failing him. All his concentration was focused on Lila and what had happened to her. He wasn’t trying to fixate on her past trauma, but two cups of coffee and three smoke breaks couldn’t even ward off the intrusive thoughts. 

It had been a few days since Lila told him. At first, Sebastian thought time would make things easier, make the weight of her words dissipate. But time only allowed everything to marinate and fester. He was trying to not let her words affect him, like she'd been so worried about, but he couldn’t deny that it hurt to look at her. Not that he saw her differently. It just pained him to think about what she went through. He desperately wanted to do something, wanted to help her somehow. He just didn’t know what he could possibly do to remedy the situation. The entire ordeal made him angry, but above else, it made him feel absolutely fucking useless. He just knew if he ever met this Tyler asshole, he’d break his face. Or worse. 

Sebastian minimized his current screen and switched to the browser window that still had the online forum he had found pulled up. It was a discussion board for sexual assault survivors and those affected by the situation, secondary survivors. Though, Sebastian felt stupid calling himself that since he hadn’t survived anything. That was all Lila. _Lila._

Sebastian looked over at where his phone sat on his desk and considered calling her, then quickly abandoned the thought. He needed to get his shit together first. But, fuck, he missed her. 

He turned back to his computer screen and aimlessly scrolled through the posts. He had made a throwaway account last night when his thoughts wouldn’t allow him to fall asleep. He spent the entire night reading through other experiences, hoping it would help him figure out what to do, what to say. It was oddly comforting in a way, since he didn’t really have anyone to talk to about the situation. And he surely didn’t want to force Lila to talk about it. 

Out of the corner of his eye, Sebastian noticed his phone light up. Lila, as if summoned by mere thought, was calling him. He hesitated before answering. 

“Hey.”

“Hey.” There was an odd inflection to her voice, it was shaky. Like when she was nervous. “Just checking to make sure you’re alive.” She paused for a moment. “I haven’t heard from you the past few days.” 

“Yeah, sorry. Just been trying to finish this damn project.” 

“How much more do you have left?”

“Not too much. I’m hoping I can finish it by tomorrow.” 

There was an awkward pause. Sebastian tried to think of something to say, but Lila beat him to it. 

“Are we okay?” 

Sebastian ran a hand over his face. He immediately felt bad for making her think that things were off. “Why wouldn’t we be okay?” He asked even though he could predict what she was going to say. 

Lila let out a sigh. “I just have this feeling that you’re avoiding me, which I totally understand. Just tell me if you need space.” 

“I don’t need space. I want the opposite, actually.”

“Then come over.” He could hear the smile in her voice. “I’m halfway done with the sequel in that series you lent me. We could talk about it. Or make out on my couch.” 

“I wish I could.” A smile crept across his face. “I just have so much work to do.” 

“Oh, okay.”

“I’m not avoiding you.”

“Promise?”

“Promise.” 

“Okay, I’ll leave you to it then.” She hesitated for a moment. “Just please remember that coffee is neither a sleep replacement nor a food group.” 

“I will,” he said, but didn’t want to hang up just yet. “Wait, Lila?”

“Yeah?”

“Do you want to come over tomorrow?”

“I thought you were busy? I don’t want to be a distraction.”

“I could use a little distraction.”

“Okay.” He could hear that smile in her voice again. “I’ll see you tomorrow then.” 

“See you tomorrow.” 

Sebastian hung up and set his phone back on his desk. He stared back at his computer screen, the message board was still pulled up. He didn’t know what he wanted to say, or if saying anything would even help. But he took a deep breath, started a new thread, and started typing. 

 

~

 

Sebastian didn’t realize the implications of his words until Lila practically pounced on him after she walked into his room the next day. He knew hanging out with her would be a distraction, but making out with her on his bed created an entirely new definition for the word. Not that he was complaining. He just wanted to check what her boundaries were, make sure she was okay. Though, she seemed fine considering she was stuck to him like an unrelenting leech, nearly devouring his mouth while she straddled him. 

Sebastian gripped Lila’s hips and rolled her onto her back in an attempt to momentarily pull away from her grasp. It didn’t work. Lila only tightened her grip on his shirt to pull him closer while her free hand tangled in his hair. Yoba, he loved it when she touched his hair. 

They were flush against each other now. Sebastian could feel every curve of Lila’s body against his, the contact was too much but also not enough. He yearned for the feeling of her bare skin against his. Lila arched her hips up into his and blood immediately rushed from his head. Sebastian finally took a moment to break away for air before things went too far. But Lila’s lips were on his neck before he could say a word. His entire body melted from the sensation. He wanted her so bad it was agonizing. It took every ounce of self control to pull away. 

"Come back,” Lila whined, reaching for his arm as he slid off the bed. 

Sebastian backed out of her reach and ran a hand over his face in an attempt to focus his mind. He could barely form coherent thoughts, let alone words. 

Lila sat up on her elbows and watched him. Then pressed her lips to a line. "You’re thinking about it, aren’t you?” 

He hated the fact that she was right. "I just can’t pretend I don't know about what happened to you."

"I'm not asking you to pretend like it never happened,” Lila sighed, re-positioning herself to sit cross legged on the bed. She patted the spot next to her. “Talk to me.” 

Sebastian sat down next to her on the edge of the bed, leaning forward so his forearms rested on the tops of his thighs. “I just don't know how to do this…” He sighed. “I don't want to cross any boundaries. I don't want to hurt you."

"You’re not going to hurt me.”

He turned his head to look at her. “How can you be so sure?”

“Because I trust you.”

They were quiet for a moment. Sebastian tried to figure out how to word what he’d been meaning to ask. 

Then, as if reading his mind, Lila said, “Go on. Ask me.” 

Sebastian shook his head. "I don't want to force you to talk about it."

"It’s okay, you can ask me,” she said, scooting closer to him. “I'll answer the best I can."

"Have you, uh, you know...” He paused, feeling really immature that he couldn’t directly ask her. “Since…”

Lila let out a small laugh and Sebastian felt even more embarrassed. “Had sex?” A smile spread across her face. “Yeah, I have. Do you need like a detailed overview in the form of a resume or something? References are available upon request.”

Sebastian rolled his eyes. “Lila, I’m being serious.” 

“I know, I’m sorry.” She sighed. “I'm not as avoidant to it as I thought I would be. The sex isn't what's triggering it's…” She brought a hand up to lightly touch her neck. Then, as if realizing what she was doing, moved her hand to fiddle with her hair. Sebastian didn’t even want to think about what it meant. “Will telling you what he did make this better or worse?"

“I don’t think I have the strength to know what he did to you. My thoughts are already haunted.” 

“I know it's a lot.” Lila reached over to grab his hand. Sebastian interlaced their fingers. “I'm sorry for putting this burden on you.”

“Don’t apologize. I just... I feel so powerless, Lila.” He sighed and looked down at the ground. “I desperately want to do something to help you. But I feel like there’s nothing I can do and it’s killing me.” 

Lila released his hand and move behind him. She draped her arms over his shoulders, crossing in front of his chest, and leaned her head against his. The warmth of her body pressed against his back eased some of his distress.

"It’s not something that can be fixed, Seb.” Her voice was quiet. “It's never going away..."

"Thanks for the words of encouragement.”

She nudged him. “Will you let me finish?” She re-positioned herself and brought a hand up to his jaw, guiding his face to look over at her. He met her eyes, they were more gold than brown today. Like irises made of honey.

“You are helping me. When I'm with you, it's almost like I forget it ever happened. You make me feel…” Lila hesitated as if thinking of the right word to use. Sebastian wanted her to say loved. That despite his lazy efforts, his intentions were clear. 

“You make me feel like a normal functioning person again,” she finally said. “So you’re not doing nothing, you’re doing so much and you don’t even know it.” She kissed him. “I promise to immediately tell you if I feel uncomfortable. Just don’t treat me like a ticking bomb or something.” 

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to.”

"I know.” She leaned in to kiss him again, but was interrupted by a knock at the door.

Sebastian got up to answer it. His mom stood on the other side, a mischievous smile pulled at the corner of her mouth. 

“Just wanted to check if Lila was staying for dinner,” she said, craning her neck to peer into Sebastian’s room. 

Sebastian looked over to Lila, who looked a bit panicked.  

“Uh, sure,” she said as she ran a hand through her hair. “If it’s not too much trouble.”

“Not at all,” his mom said. Her eyes curiously danced between him and Lila. “Should be ready around six.” 

“Thanks,” Sebastian said flatly, then closed the door. His mom could be so weird sometimes. 

Lila got up from the bed and approached him, wrapping her arms around his neck. “Can we go back to kissing now?” She smiled up at him, then slightly frowned. “Or did our conversation ruin the mood?"

Sebastian shook his head, then leaned down to kiss her forehead. “Can I shower first? It’ll help clear my head.” 

Lila didn’t answer. When Sebastian looked down at her, there was a playful glint in her eye. He’d seen that look before. It was trouble. 

“Can I shower with you?” 

Sebastian blinked a few times as he tried to process the words he just heard. Surely she hadn’t just asked… 

“What did you say?”

But there was no mistaking the smirk spreading across her face. 

 

~

 

“How warm do you like the water?” Lila asked, holding out her hand to check the temperature. She looked over her shoulder and saw Sebastian standing there, still fully clothed, staring at her. She shook the water off her hand and walked towards him. “Do you plan on showering with your clothes on?”

“Are you, uh, sure about this?” 

“Yes,” she said, taking a step closer. “Unless you don’t want to.”

“It’s not that I don't wa—”

Lila pressed a finger to his lips to silence him. 

“I’ll go first,” she smiled, then lowered her hand to pull her shirt over her head, letting it fall to the floor. 

Sebastian’s eyes grazed over her exposed skin, the weight of his gaze making her heart hammer against her ribs. Thank Yoba she decided to wear a decent bra today. 

Lila brought her fingers up to fiddle with the hem of his shirt. “Can I?”

Sebastian raised his arms in response. Her hands brushed over his skin as she lifted the hem of his shirt, guiding it over his head. Her eyes drifted over his broad shoulders and down the muscles of his chest and arms, lingering on the ink etched into his skin. Lila had seen glimpses of his tattoos, but never up close like this. There was a weird intimacy about looking at what people chose to permanently carve into their skin. 

She brought her hand up to a tattoo on his ribs, tracing over the lines with her fingers. It was some kind of small bird perched on a branch with leaves and budding flowers. She liked the way the artist used soft lines and light shading. It was pretty, definitely not something she’d expect to see on his body. It almost looked out of place compared to the others.

“It’s a robin.”

Lila smiled up at him. “You got a tattoo for you mom?”

He shrugged. “It was my first one. I thought she wouldn’t be as mad about it if it was for her.”

“Terrible placement for your first.”

“Yeah, didn’t really think it through.” He let out a small laugh. Then his eyes drifted to the flowers at the base of her sternum, still partially hidden by her bra. “What about yours?”

“Chrysanthemums,” Lila said, looking down at her chest. “They symbolize many things, but to me they mean determination. Perseverance.” 

“And the roses?” 

She looked up and noticed Sebastian eyeing the tattoo peeking up from the waist of her jeans. Lila took a deep breath, then unbuttoned her jeans and slid them off, revealing the full piece. It was a cluster of roses starting at her hip and extending to her upper thigh. 

“I’m also guilty of getting a tattoo for my mom,” Lila said. “Her name was Rosalie, but she went by Rose. I know it’s a weird placement...” She paused. “I used to, uh, self harm. I wanted to cover the scars.” 

Sebastian reached out and touched her tattoo, gently running his fingers up her thigh to her hip. A shiver ran up her body, leaving goose bumps across her skin. Lila leaned into his touch, then reached for the button of his jeans. He placed his hand over hers. 

“Lila,” his voice was low, raspy almost. 

She looked up at him. His eyes were dark with desire, his pupils swallowing the blue of his irises like ink rippling through water. 

“I just don't want you to do something you’ll regret.”

Lila shook her head, rising to the tips of her toes. “I'm not going to regret this,” she whispered, her lips brushing against his. Sebastian leaned forward to kiss her, but she pulled away before he could. He narrowed his eyes at her.

Lila smiled and took a step back, reaching for the clasp of her bra behind her back while maintaining eye contact. Sebastian flicked his tongue over his bottom lip and took a step forward. She took another step back, slipping the straps of her bra off her shoulders and tossing it on the floor. Sebastian stared at her and Lila suddenly felt overwhelmingly self-conscious. She crossed her arms over her bare chest. 

Sebastian unbuttoned his jeans and slipped them off, along with his underwear. Lila’s eyes darted to below his waist, then back up to his face. Yoba, he was fucking perfect. Heat flooded up her neck and across her cheeks. Her fingers tingled with an urge to reach out and touch him. 

Sebastian took another step forward so he was standing directly in front of her. Lila swallowed hard, then hooked her thumbs under the waist of her panties to pull them off. She stopped when she felt his hand touch hers. 

“Can I?”

Lila moved her hands out of the way in response. 

Sebastian brushed his thumbs across her skin, caressing where the fabric sat on her hips. Her breath hitched when he slipped his fingers under the waistband. Heat coursed through her veins as his palms scraped down her thighs, sliding her panties to the floor. 

His gaze darkened as his eyes traced over her body. 

A smile crept across her face. “You’re staring.”

“How could I not?” Sebastian lowered his mouth to hover over hers, their lips just barely touching. “You’re the most beautiful girl I’ve ever seen.” 

He leaned in to close the distance, but she pulled away before he could, taking yet another step back. Sebastian groaned in protest. Lila bit her lip, then stepped into the shower. 

“Shit!” she yelped as the water hit her skin. It was hot, practically scalding. Lila reached around the stream to turn down the temperature, then looked behind her. Sebastian’s eyes darted up to hers. “Were you just staring at my ass?” 

“Maybe.”

Lila narrowed her eyes and pursed her lips, then reached for the shampoo. 

"What are you doing?"

"Washing your hair.”

“Like actually?”

“Is that a problem?” Lila smiled up at him as she squeezed shampoo into her hand. “Are you protective of it or something? I promise I'll be gentle." 

Sebastian chewed on the inside of his lip, then bent his head forward. Lila reached up and worked her fingers into his hair, massaging the lather over his scalp. The angle was kind of awkward since she was shorter than him, but she tried her best. She just hoped she wasn’t getting soap in his eyes. When she washed all the soap away, she pushed his hair back out of his face. 

Sebastian ran a hand over his face then looked down at her. There was an unusual vulnerability in his eyes. The expression on his face something between fascination and admiration. Lila could tell he wanted to say something from the way his lips were parted, as if the words were on the tip of his tongue. 

She slightly tilted her head and asked, “What is it?” 

Sebastian didn't answer right away, his eyes just searched her face. 

“Nothing," he finally said, but the way his eyes stared at her mouth betrayed his words. He brought a hand up to her jaw. His fingers lightly grazed over her skin, sending a shiver down her neck. Her eyes didn’t leave his. “I just…” His voice trailed off and instead of saying anything else, he lowered his mouth to hers. 

He kissed her slowly, deliberately. As if relishing the feeling of her lips, savoring the taste of her mouth. It was incomparable to any other time they had kissed. It was thought-stopping, world-blurring, like nothing else in the universe mattered besides the way his lips felt on hers. And she never wanted him to stop. 

Sebastian moved his hand to cradle the back of her head, weaving his fingers through her hair. Lila snaked her arms up over his shoulders and around his neck to pull him closer. Their bodies pressed together. She could feel him hard against her abdomen. Heat pulsed between her legs. 

He gripped her waist, guiding her back against the tile wall. It was cold against her skin. He ran his hands up and down her sides, following the curve of her body. But she could sense his hesitation to explore further. 

“It’s okay,” Lila whispered, her lips hovering over his. “You can touch me. I want you to.” 

Sebastian kissed her again, his lips hungry and insistent this time. His hand scraped down her stomach, curving around her hip, to rest on her inner thigh. She shifted the angle of her hips so his hand moved higher, her body eager for his touch. His fingers tantalizingly brushed up her thigh, sending a shiver across her skin. Lila sighed against his lips when he finally dragged his hand over the outside of her pussy. But then he pulled away. She groaned in frustration. 

“Someone’s impatient,” he teased, leaving kisses along her jaw and down her neck. 

“Seb, _please_ ,” she whined, embarrassed at how needy she sounded. She felt him smile against her skin. 

“Is this what you want?” He ran a finger along the seam of her pussy. 

Lila arched her back in response, pressing into his hand. A soft moan escaped her lips. 

Sebastian dipped his fingers deeper, teasing her entrance. “Fuck, you’re so wet already.” 

He dragged his fingers through her slit, coating them with wetness, then gently brushed over her clit. He rubbed her in slow, gentle circles, gradually adding more pressure. Her nails bit into the skin of his shoulders as heat rippled across her body. Tension surged to her pelvis.

Yoba, she wanted him so bad. Wanted to touch him, feel him. All of him. Lila lowered a hand between them and lightly grazed his silken skin. Sebastian hissed and leaned into her touch, placing a hand against the wall to steady himself. She bit her lip as she wrapped her hand around him and slowly stroked up and down the length of his cock. 

Sebastian dropped his head into the crook of her neck and moaned. “ _Lila._ ” 

A self-satisfied smile crept across her face. Lila tightened her grip around him, but he grabbed her wrist to stop her. 

“So impatient,” he whispered in her ear, his voice low and sultry. “I haven’t even tasted you yet.” He kissed her neck, nipped at her skin. “Can I?” 

“Yeah,” she said, the word leaving her lips as a breathy sigh. 

Sebastian moved his lips to her shoulder, licking and sucking hard enough to bruise. He kissed between her breasts then down her stomach, lingering on her hips. He gently lifted her leg and placed it over his shoulder. Lila combed her fingers through his hair, pushing it out of his face. She ached in anticipation as he kissed up her inner thigh, his fingers still torturously teasing her.

She gasped when he replaced his fingers with his mouth, leaving a trail of kisses up her pussy. Then he smoothed his tongue over her, and circled her clit. 

“ _Fuck,_ ” she moaned, bucking her hips into him. Sebastian grabbed her ass and pulled her further against his mouth. Her eyes rolled back into her head. 

He slid two fingers inside her, working them in a steady rhythm as his tongue continued to stroke her. Tension swelled between her hips. She was so fucking close already. 

Sebastian quickened the pace, curving his fingers up to hit just the right spot. She clenched around him, the pressure within her coiling even tighter. 

“Oh, fuck,” Lila panted. “Seb, I’m gonna come.”

He hummed against her then took her clit between his lips and sucked. It sent her over the edge. 

“ _Oh fuck_ ,” she cried out, throwing her head back as her entire body writhed in pleasure. Her legs trembled. Her hand gripped his shoulder, desperate for something, anything, to hold on to. Sebastian eased to a steady pace, allowing her to ride out the orgasm. The sensation enveloped her like a wave crashing overheard. 

Lila closed her eyes and leaned her head back against the tile wall. She could barely think straight, the high from her orgasm still lingering over her. “Holy shit.”

Sebastian kissed her inner thigh, then gently lowered her leg. He left a trail of kisses up her stomach and across her shoulder as he rose to his feet. 

“Are you okay?” He kissed her temple. 

“I don’t know,” Lila mumbled, struggling to catch her breath. “I think I might’ve died.” 

Sebastian chuckled against her hair. 

She opened her eyes and looked up at him. “Where the fuck did you learn that?”

A smirk pulled at the corner of his mouth. “One of my many secrets.” 

“Oh yeah?” Lila smiled then captured his mouth in a kiss, the taste of herself still on his lips. She reached down and lightly ran a finger along the length of him, amazed at how hard he was from pleasing her. She moved her lips to his jaw, then his neck. A sigh fell from his lips.

“Well, I have a few secrets of my own,” Lila whispered in his ear, then lowered herself to her knees. 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I keep saying I won't be updating anytime soon because I need to focus on my other writing project, but here I am yet again... >.<
> 
> As always, thanks for reading and let me know what you think! :)


	11. Skyline

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> When their semi-awkward dinner with Sebastian's family turns into an argument, Lila convinces Sebastian to go on a spontaneous trip to the city.

Chapter Eleven

 

"That was a terrible idea,” Sebastian mumbled under his breath as they made their way down the hall to the kitchen. 

Lila gave him a sidelong glance, watching as he brought a hand up to fuss with his hair yet again, then rolled her eyes. “You didn’t seem to think so while I was—” 

Sebastian grabbed her arm and pulled her into the lab. “Lower your voice.” He peered around the corner and down the hall, his hand still firmly grasping her arm. “Someone could’ve heard you.” 

Lila pulled out of his grip and teased, “So?” 

Sebastian looked down at her with narrow eyes, the damp ends of his hair falling over his forehead. He pushed it out of his face, then flicked the ends of Lila’s hair. “The evidence is already obvious.” 

Lila ran a hand through her damp locks and frowned. She had used two towels to try and soak up most of the wetness, but her hair was thick and the only thing that would’ve helped was a hair dryer. She had offered to stealthily search the other bathrooms for one, but Sebastian quickly shot down the idea. 

"You're making this into a bigger deal than it really is.” An unintentional smile pulled at the corner of her mouth. Lila couldn’t deny that she found the situation a little amusing. “Just act normal."

“Acting normal for me is just barely hovering over the line of anxious.” 

“I’ve survived worse,” Lila said in an attempt to make the current situation not seem so bad. “My dad walked in on me and my high school boyfriend once. He chased him out of the house with a broom. Then brought me to the doctor the next day to put me on birth control.” She smiled at the memory of Jake Conwell, a six-foot-tall gridball player, running for dear life while trying to pull his pants on. The poor guy never stepped foot into her house after that, for fear her father would kill him. Little did he know, her father couldn’t even bring himself to kill spiders. “I was absolutely mortified, but thinking back on it now, it was hilarious.”

The crease between Sebastian’s brows only deepened. “I’m never going to think this was hilarious. I’m going to lose sleep thinking back to how embarrassing this was. Well, will be.”

Lila sighed, then pressed her lips to a line. 

Sebastian had hinted at her making up some excuse to leave before they even left the bathroom.

“I could tell my mom you had some farm emergency,” he had casually mentioned as he watched Lila attempt to towel dry her hair.

Lila initially thought he was kidding, or maybe just thinking out loud to curb some of the anxiety. But now she realized he was being serious—he didn’t want her to stay. 

 _Ugh, men_ , Lila thought as she turned away from Sebastian and backtracked to the front room. 

“Where are you going?” Sebastian called after her. 

“Home,” she said flatly, not even bothering to turn around. She picked up one of her shoes off the floor and started slipping it on her foot. 

“You’re mad.”

“Excellent attention to detail,” Lila said as she struggled to get her shoe on. She was too lazy to undo the laces. “Add it to your resume.”

“Why are you mad?”

Lila pretended not to hear him as she adjusted the laces of her shoe, then reached to pick up the other from its spot on the floor. Sebastian grabbed it out of her hand before she could slip it on. 

She glared up at him. 

“Oh, I don’t know. Maybe because the guy I like’s mom invited me to stay for dinner and now he’s trying to sneak me out of his house like a fucking high schooler.” 

Sebastian slightly tilted his head like a confused puppy. “You like me?”

Lila snatched her shoe from his hand, took a moment to loosen the laces, then slipped it on her foot. “On second thought, maybe you shouldn’t add the attention to detail thing to your resume.” 

“You’ve just never said it. That you like me.” 

“I didn’t think I needed to,” Lila said as she bent down to tie her shoe, then looked up at him. His blue eyes were unreadable per usual. “But yes, I like you. I _really_ like you.”

Sebastian smiled at her, just wide enough so his teeth party showed. A flutter emerge from beneath her ribs and for a moment, Lila almost forgot she was annoyed at him. Almost. 

“Stop smiling at me like that.” She raised a finger at him. “It’s making me less mad at you.” 

“Oh yeah?” His smile only widened as he took a step toward her and reached out to grab her hand. “Will kissing you make you even less mad at me?”

“No, don't!” Lila lowered her hand and stepped out of his reach. “Let me be mad.” 

“Not a chance.” Sebastian mirrored her movements, but Lila dodged his attempts at grabbing her. "Come here."

Lila slipped past him and started toward the front door, but Sebastian snaked his arms around her waist before she could reach it. 

“No fair,” she laughed as he pulled her to his chest and kissed her cheek. “Your arms are too long, like an alien's.” 

Sebastian kissed her temple, then turned her around to face him and kissed her softly on the lips. “Lila,” he said, resting his forehead against hers. “Will you please stay and endure the most awkward dinner of my entire life with me?”

“I guess so," Lila smiled teasingly as she traced the line of his jaw with her finger. "But only because I kinda like you.” 

 

~

 

Maru was in the middle of talking about her shift at the clinic when Sebastian and Lila sat down. For once, Sebastian was thankful for his sister’s boring stories and hoped she would continue for the rest of dinner as a means of distraction. Hell, he wouldn’t even object if Maru and Demetrius discussed their research the entire time if it meant diverting any attention away from him and Lila. 

A peaceful thirty seconds had passed and neither his sister nor his step-father had bothered to look over at them. Relief slowly began to replace the empty feeling in the pit of Sebastian’s stomach. Maybe Lila was right. Maybe he was making this into a bigger deal than it was. 

Then his mother walked over, balancing a plate in each hand. 

“Lila, I hope you like…” her voice trailed off when she got closer. She looked between Sebastian and Lila with raised brows, her green eyes lingering on their wet hair. “Spaghetti.” She set the plates down in front of them, then took a seat at the end of the table, tightly pressing her lips together like she was trying to mask a smile. 

Sebastian stared down at his plate. He was so distracted by his heartbeat throbbing against his eardrums, he hadn’t noticed Maru stop talking. He slowly peered up at his sister, who was eyeing him curiously behind her thick rimmed glasses, then hesitantly glanced over to the other end of the table. Demetrius looked between him and Lila with eyes so wide Sebastian thought they were going to burst from his skull. But it was Maru’s curiosity that made the situation worse. 

“Why is your hair wet?” His sister asked, raising an eyebrow at Lila. 

The empty feeling in Sebastian’s stomach returned in full force and he had a sudden urge to vomit, or spontaneously implode. 

“I, uh…” Lila let out a shaky laugh that sounded borderline painful, then commenced her nervous habit of rambling. “I have this, uh, odd habit of needing to shower before I eat dinner. It’s like a ritual. Kinda. Almost like when someone with, uh, obsessive compulsive disorder has to—”

Sebastian nudged her foot under the table to get her to stop talking.

Lila quickly looked over at him, then let out another laugh as she reached for her glass of water and started chugging. Her face resembled the color of a freshly picked tomato. 

The table had been quiet for what felt like a century, nothing but the sound of silverware clinking against ceramic filled the room. Sebastian glanced over at Lila out of the corner of his eye, but she was too focused picking out the chunks of meat from her spaghetti to notice. He really should’ve remembered she was a vegetarian. What a terrible friend he was—or were they technically more than friends since… He didn’t have the mental energy to linger on the thought. And the last thing he needed was to add another layer to the tension already congesting the room. 

“Sebastian, honey, you’ve barely touched your dinner,” his mom called over to him. 

He stopped shifting his food around his plate and looked up at her. “I guess I’m just not really hungry.”

“Did you eat anything earlier?”

Lila nearly choked on the food in her mouth. She brought a hand up to clutch her chest while she coughed violently. 

Every muscle in Sebastian’s body froze. For a moment, he swore he saw his life flash before his eyes. 

“Yoba, are you okay?” His mom reached over and started to pat her back. 

“Yeah, just fine.” Lila managed to say between coughs, then took a sip of water. “Thanks.” 

“Did you forget how to swallow or something?” Maru teased with a smirk on her face. 

Sebastian widened his eyes up at his sister who seemed amused by his misery. Then he discreetly looked between his mother and step-father. They stared at each other with such intensity, he was convinced they were communicating telepathically. 

Demetrius opened his mouth to say something. Sebastian’s pulse quickened in preparation for the question or comment to leave his mouth, but his step-father pressed his lips to a line without saying a word.

“So Lila,” his mom said, breaking the awkward silence. Sebastian reflexively held his breath. “How’s the farm going?”

“Pretty good,” Lila said around a mouth full of spaghetti. “I’m finally starting to get the hang of everything. I’ve actually been meaning to ask you about getting a coop built.”

“Took you long enough,” his mother smiled at her. “I could come by the farm tomorrow and see where we could set one up.”

“That’d be great.”

“Speaking of your farm,” Demetrius chimed in from the other side of the table. “It would be fascinating to use that cave on the property to set up some research specimens.”

Sebastian rolled his eyes as he twirled his fork around a mass of spaghetti. 

“Nothing invasive. I’m thinking fruit bats, or maybe even mushrooms. I’m conducting some research for an old friend at Zuzu University, Dr. Singh. She’s a brilliant ecologist, has dozens of publications on the flora and fauna of the surrounding areas.”

“Oh, I know Dr. Singh. I took one of her classes when I was a sophomore.”

“You went to ZU?” Maru asked, so taken by surprise she almost dropped her fork. 

“Yeah, I was a Psych major.”

“What are you doing working on a farm then?”

Sebastian noticed Lila’s hesitation before she answered, “Well, I was planning on going to grad school, but some, uh, personal stuff happened and I wasn’t really in the right mindset.”

Lila looked down and started to nervously fiddle with her fork. Sebastian reached under the table and gently placed his hand on her knee. The slightest glimpse of a smile formed on her mouth as Lila placed her hand over his, brushing her thumb over his fingers. 

“That’s a shame,” Demetrius said as he took a sip of water. “You seem like a smart girl.”

“She _is_ smart,” Sebastian corrected, his tone coming off more defensive than he intended. 

“Of course.” Demetrius set his glass down and cleared his throat. “I didn’t mean any offense. It’s just a shame to see your hard work wasted.” 

Lila shrugged. “Shi—I mean, stuff happens.” 

“Well, regardless, we’re happy to have you as part of the community,” his mom added with a smile. 

Demetrius nodded in agreement then said, “I keep telling Sebastian he should take some classes online.”

 _And here we go_ , Sebastian thought as a bit of irritation sparked in his blood. 

“Why would I pay thousands of dollars to take classes on something I already know how to do?”

“Recruiters like to see documented evidence of your credentials.”

“Well it’s a good thing I already have a job and don’t need to deal with recruiters.” 

“Sebastian.”

Sebastian’s fork slipped out of his grip and clattered against his plate. 

He despised the tone his step-father layered over his name in situations like this, as if he was indirectly calling him his son. He looked past Lila and met his mother’s eyes, scrutinizing him from her side of the table as her husband picked apart his life like a specimen under a microscope. 

“It would be nice if we could all fulfill our childhood dreams,” Demetrius continued. “But that’s not how the real world works. Nature demands stability, and human nature is no different.”

His annoyance was burning fast, nearly flaring. “Stability is just a fancy word for boring, mundane.” 

His step-father let out a very audible sigh. The rest of the table remained silent. “You’re not a child anymore. Do you want to get married one day? Have a family? How do you expect to support them with the sporadic pay of a freelancer?”

Sebastian chewed on the inside of his lip. They got into these arguments about his future frequently, but the mention of marriage and a family was new. Was it because Lila was sitting next to him? Sebastian felt her gently squeeze his hand, but he couldn’t bring himself to look over at her. He loathed Demetrius a little more for lumping Lila into his hypothetical failure of a life, but a part of him wondered if she agreed. If she thought he was just some twenty-five-year-old loser that lived in his mother’s basement, cruising down a road that would ultimately amount to nothing. 

Sebastian clenched his jaw in an attempt to hold back the snide comment on the tip of his tongue, but the words escaped him faster than he could bite them back. “That’s a good question. When the time comes, I’ll be sure to seek your advice since it’s my mom’s hard work that funds your sporadic research.”

“Sebastian,” his mother scolded from the other side of the table.

“Sorry, Mom,” he said quietly. Guilt washed over him as tension lodged in his throat, sealing his airway like he was drowning in the disappointment hinted in her tone. 

_Why am I such an asshole?_

It was a question he’d been asking himself since he was a teenager, since his mother started looking at him with that wariness in her eyes. Of course, he’d already assumed the answer—his father. The mere possibility made him feel like a stranger in his own skin, that a man he’d never met had so much influence on him just because they shared biology. He already had the man’s hair and eyes, he didn’t need to inherit his temperament too. He didn’t want it. 

“I’m going out for a smoke,” Sebastian said as he rose from his seat, ignoring the four sets of eyes watching him as he walked away. 

 

~

 

Lila politely excused herself from the table and followed Sebastian.

She found him standing near the edge of the lake, nearly camouflaged in the growing shadows of the night. Lila’s feet rustled the grass as she approached, her eyes immediately drawn to the faint glow of the cigarette between his lips. Sebastian looked up when she entered his line of sight, meeting her eyes for a brief moment before turning away to face the water. 

Lila took a few steps forward and settled behind him, wrapping her arms around his waist as she leaned her head against the broad expanse of his back. “Want to talk about it?”

“Not really.”

“Okay. Well, let me know when you do.”

They were quiet for awhile. Lila didn’t press the matter—just listened to the way his heart hammered against his ribs, the way his breath faltered with every exhalation of smoke. She tilted her head up and rested her chin against his shoulder blade. Her eyes traced the tight press of his brows, down the smooth line of his nose, to the smoke drifting off his slightly parted lips.

“Can you feel the oxytocin?”

Sebastian looked down at her from the corner of his eye, pressing his brows more tightly together. “What?” 

“Hugging is supposed to release oxytocin and decrease stress and anxiety,” Lila explained. “Is it working?”

“Hardly,” he chuckled as he took another drag from his cigarette, then stomped it out. 

Lila stepped around to face him. She rose to the tips of her toes and wrapped her arms around his neck, resting her head on his shoulder. “How about now?” 

Sebastian didn’t answer. He simply folded his arms around her and pulled her closer, nestling his face into the crook of her neck. They stayed like that for several moments, neither of them saying a word. Not that they didn’t need to—Lila could tell it was working from the steadying beat of his heart, the soft rise and fall of his chest. 

“Do you think he’s right?” Sebastian asked quietly. 

“Which part?”

“All of it.” 

“No,” Lila shook her head. “I do think his intentions are good. He wants the best for you, but just might not understand your perspective. Fathers can be that way sometimes.”

“He’s not my father.” 

Lila lifted her head to look at him. “Maybe not by blood, but he’s the closest thing you have to one.”  

Sebastian turned his head away, fixing his gaze at the water ahead. “I don’t have a father. Never have, never will.” 

Lila gently touched his jaw with her fingers and guided his face back to her. “He loves you. He wouldn’t care so much if he didn’t.” 

“I guess.”

“Have you considered the possibility that his words bother you so much because you don’t want to disappoint him?” 

“I—I don’t know. Maybe?” 

“You know, my dad would say to let his doubt fuel you. To use his words as motivation to prove him wrong, show him you can be successful in your own way.” 

“I wish I could.” Sebastian sighed. “I just—I’m not smart enough.” 

“Bullshit.” Lila narrowed her eyes at him. “You’re like the smartest person I know.”

“Says the one with a college degree.”

“Psh, as if that’s an accurate measure of intelligence. Anyone can half ass assignments to pass and eventually graduate. You taught yourself how to fucking code. Do you know how amazing that is? I can’t even teach myself how to knit a damn scarf.”

“You probably could if you weren’t so stubborn or impatient,” Sebastian teased, a hint of a smile pulling at the corner of his mouth. 

“Wow.” Lila brought a hand up to her chest for exaggeration. “Here I am complimenting you and you decide to bring up my worst qualities.” 

Sebastian leaned down and kissed her forehead. “But your good qualities make up for it.” 

Lila rolled her eyes, then an idea struck her. She beamed up at Sebastian, who was eyeing her suspiciously. 

“Oh, no,” he said. “It’s the look.”

“What look?”

“The one where you appear to have a brilliant idea, but it’s actually going to cause me pain and suffering.” 

“Oh, shut it,” Lila said, swatting his arm. “I don’t have _a look_. But I do have a brilliant idea.” She paused for emphasis, which only caused Sebastian to stare at her with a pained expression. “Let’s go to the city.”

He raised an eyebrow at her. “Right now?”

“Duh.” 

“It’s getting late. Don’t you have to be up early because of farm stuff?”

“Fuck the farm,” Lila casually shrugged. Sebastian shook his head in disapproval, but she could tell from the glint in his eye that she had him convinced. “Come on. I want to show you something.”  

Sebastian sighed, then tightened his arms around Lila’s waist, drawing her closer as he lowered his face into the crook of her neck. “In a minute. I have a feeling I’m going to need more oxytocin for this.”

 

~

 

They pulled up to a hole in the wall bar at the edge of the University District. It was a narrow brick building sandwiched between a pizza parlor and a Mexican restaurant with the best tacos Lila ever had. It seemed a little out of place—its exterior crown molding resembled more of a townhouse than a place for patrons to get wasted, and the door was painted an alarmingly bright shade of red. 

“What is this place?” Sebastian asked, tucking his helmet under his arm. 

Lila glanced up at the sign hung above the door—a howling wolf imposed over a full moon, with the words “The Wolves’ Den” written across the bottom—then smiled at Sebastian. “You’ll see.” 

They stepped inside and Lila was instantly transported back to her college days of waitressing and playing rookie bartender. A familiar song from a local band played loudly over the stereo system, which gave her hope that one of her friends was working tonight. 

“IDs,” a guy sitting on a stool near the front door grumbled as he looked up from his phone. He met eyes with Lila and blinked a few times. “Lila?”

“Hey Adam, how’ve you been?”

“Eh, same ol’ bullshit.” Adam reached his hand out, gesturing for Sebastian’s ID. “How bout you? Haven’t seen you round in what— _a fuckin’ year_?”

“Time flies.” 

“Can’t believe I’m still workin’ in this shithole after a fuckin’ year.” He looked between Sebastian and his ID for a moment, then handed it back to him. “What are you doing here, anyway?” 

“Is Harper working tonight?”

“Unfortunately,” Adam said as he crossed his arms over his chest, showing the two latin quotes tattooed across the back of his forearms. “Don’t tell me you’re here to start trouble. I’ll kick your ass outta here so fast.” He pointed a finger up at Lila, then turned to Sebastian. “You too, even though I don’t know who the fuck you are.” 

“I’m, uh, Sebastian,” he answered, holding his hand out in front of him. 

Adam looked at it and chuckled to himself. "How polite. You musn’t be from round here." 

Lila rolled her eyes. “Quit being an ass, Adam, or I’ll really cause some trouble.” She stuck her tongue out at him, then grabbed Sebastian’s arm and pulled him away.

“This is the bar you used to work at?” Sebastian asked, leaning over her shoulder so Lila could hear him over the music. 

“Yeah,” Lila said as she peered around the bar looking for her friend. “Does it not live up to your expectations?” 

“My only question is, how are you not deaf?”

“It’s normally not this loud.” Lila continued to search the crowd of people for a familiar face. “Harper just likes—”

She lost her train of thought when she spotted a bartender with pastel pink hair tied up into a messy bun. She grabbed Sebastian’s arm and dragged him over to the bar. 

Lila set her helmet down, cleared her throat, then yelled over the blasting music. “Excuse me, ma’am!”

The pink-haired bartender immediately turned around, scowling. But her expression quickly changed when she recognized who was standing in front of her. 

“Lila?” a smirk of disbelief formed on her dark cherry lips. “What the fuck are you doing here?”

“Well, certainly not visiting the worst college roommate ever.” 

“You take that back.” Harper widened her eyes as she reached for a dish towel and whipped it at Lila. “I did not hold your hair back for you on your twenty-first, or go on tampon runs for your forgetful ass to be known as the worst college roommate ever.”

“If I remember correctly, you used to steal my clothes and eat my food,” Lila said as she threw the towel back at her friend, but missed by a long shot. 

Harper shook her head as she picked up the towel, then reached over to the back counter to lower the music just a tad. “The ‘mi casa es su casa’ thing works reciprocally, darling.” She smiled, then curiously raised an eyebrow at Sebastian, who Lila forgot was standing behind her. “And you are?”

“Sebastian,” he said, but didn’t hold his hand out this time. 

“I’m Harper,” she smiled, looking him up and down. “I’d say I’ve heard so much about you, but trying to keep in contact with Lila is like pulling teeth.” 

“She can be a bit scatterbrained sometimes.”

“Hey,” Lila grumbled, poking Sebastian not so gently in the ribs. 

He flinched, then let out a small laugh. "Where's the bathroom at?"

Lila pointed in the direction of the far hallway. “Last door on the left."

“I’ll be right back,” he said as he slipped past her, his hand brushing across her lower back. 

Harper leaned forward over the counter to watch him walk away and let out a low whistle. 

"He's hot,” she smiled back at Lila once Sebastian disappeared around the corner. “Not usually the type you go for.”

“I can’t tell if you’re impressed or disappointed.”

“A little of both.” Harper shrugged, then wiggled her eyebrows. “Does he have a brother? Or cousin? Or best friend of equivalent hotness? How's the sex? Also—” She picked up one of the helmets off the counter and waved it in front of Lila’s face. “ _He has a fucking bike?_ Not fair.” 

Lila rolled her eyes, then chewed on the inside of her lip. 

"You’re really gonna make me pry it out of you, huh?” Harper impatiently drummed her fingers on the counter. “Since when are you secretive about the guys you're fucking?"

"We’re not—” Lila paused and thought carefully about how to word what she wanted to say. “It's not like that. It's...complicated."

"Uh huh."

"Seriously."

Harper leaned in closer, searching Lila’s eyes. “I can see through your lies, Lila.”

Lila stared back. “I’m not lying, Harper.” 

“Hm, I know what'll get you to talk.” A smile pulled at the corner of Harper’s mouth before she turned her head over her shoulder and yelled, “Zack!”

“No, don’t—” Lila reached over the counter in an attempt to shut Harper up, but her friend swatted her away like a fly. 

“Can you make some cauliflower wings for Lila?"

"Lila's here?" A voice yelled back. Then a guy with metal framed glasses and a septum piercing peeped from around the corner and looked over at them. “Hey.”

“Hey,” Lila smiled at him because she didn’t know what else to do with her face. 

Things had been awkward between them ever since Zack offered to walk her home one night—a long shift plus one too many drinks was apparently a recipe for bad decisions. Harper had screamed at the top of her lungs when she accidentally found him at their apartment in the morning, then immediately scolded Lila. Her friend was adamant about maintaining a set of rules to keep her life as drama-free as possible. The first one, the most important one, was: Don’t fuck the people you work with. Lila didn’t like to admit Harper had been right.

Harper looked between them, then teased, "Don't get too excited, she brought her man with her.”

Lila had a sudden urge to throw her helmet at Harper’s face, but then she felt a hand touch the back of her arm. She turned her head and noticed Sebastian standing next to her, looking between all three of them with a confused look on his face. “Bad timing?” 

“Kinda.” 

“So, I’m gonna go start those...” Zack’s voice trailed off as he disappeared back behind the corner. 

Lila glared at Harper, who’s attention was fixed on Sebastian. She leaned an elbow on the counter, then rested her chin against her palm. “I need to know everything about you.”

“Uh, everything?”

“Everything,” Harper smiled mischievously. “Like, when your birthday is and what time were you—”

“Don’t even think about birth charting him,” Lila interrupted, raising a finger at her friend. 

Harper rolled her eyes. “Ugh, come on. You’re not even _a little_ curious?” 

“What’s a birth chart?” Sebastian raised an eyebrow at Lila, who widened her eyes at Harper. 

“Forget I even asked,” Harper said, shifting to her other elbow. “I’ll start over. So how did you stumbled across miss stubborn ass over here?” 

“Well, we met when Lila moved to—”

“Wait,” Harper interrupted, holding a finger up to silence Sebastian while turning to Lila. “You _moved_? To which neighborhood?" 

"Uh, I’m actually not in the city anymore. I moved to my grandfather's old farm… in Pelican Town.”

“ _You_ _what? When?_ ”

"At the beginning of Spring,” Lila said, but Harper kept staring at her, waiting for her to continue even though she didn’t have much else to say. “I found this letter he’d written before he died. And I just—I needed a change, so I moved. Please don’t be mad."

"I’m not mad,” she said, even though her tone indicated otherwise. “You should’ve told me, though. I fucking miss you. The last time I saw you was at that shitty Spirit’s Eve party at Gabe’s.” 

“I know, sorry. I guess I just got distracted with everything.” 

“You’re forgiven, but you _owe_ me.” Harper narrowed her eyes at her. “Speaking of which, there’s actually a gig next Friday at a bar in River Square. You two should come, bring whoever else too. Let me meet the people that are stealing you away from me.” 

Lila rolled her eyes. “No one’s stealing me away from you.”

Harper glanced over at Sebastian, then pursed her lips. “You sure about that?” 

 

~

 

“Quit being a baby and open your mouth,” Lila said, shoving a piece of breaded cauliflower drenched in barbecue sauce closer to Sebastian’s face. 

He recoiled and wrinkled his nose when a waft of the sauce hit him, causing his eyes to water. “Are they spicy? They smell spicy.” 

Lila rolled her eyes, then messily licked the sauce off and shoved it back in his face. “Better?”

Sebastian continued to stare at her—his brain unsure whether to be disgusted or aroused from what he’d just witnessed. “You can’t seriously want me to eat that.” 

Lila tilted her head to the side. “Seb, it’s just my saliva.” She pushed it closer to his face, but Sebastian moved his head further back. “Oh my yoba, you’ve kissed me. Your dick has been in my mouth. Eat the fucking cauliflower, please.” 

He grudgingly opened his mouth and let Lila feed it to him. It wasn’t necessarily bad, but it wasn’t really good either. He knew Maru would’ve liked it since cauliflower was one of her favorites, but Sebastian didn’t really understand how it was supposed to be a chicken wing replacement when it clearly just tasted like a bland vegetable coated in breading. 

“Well?” Lila asked as she chewed on a fry. 

“It tastes like soggy cauliflower.” 

“Maybe you should’ve ate it with the damn sauce.”

“Is this why you wanted me to bring you here?” Sebastian asked, stealing one of Lila’s fries to get rid of the weird aftertaste in his mouth. “To get your cauliflower fix?”

Lila shook her head, a smile slowly spreading across her face. “Not even close.” She wiped her fingers with a napkin, then grabbed his hand and pulled him down a long hallway leading toward the back exit. 

Sebastian had no clue where they were going, and decided to spare his sanity the trouble of asking. But then Lila opened a door that revealed a set of stairs leading up into complete darkness, and he just couldn’t not ask. 

“Why do I have a feeling that we’re about to do something illegal?”

Lila turned her head over her shoulder and smiled. “Well, it’s only technically illegal if we get caught.”

“Lila.”

“I’m just kidding. I’ve done this plenty of times.” 

“That’s not one bit reassuring.” 

Lila rolled her eyes, then pulled on his hand to follow her. “Come on.” 

Sebastian sighed, then reluctantly let her lead him into the darkness. 

The glow from Lila’s phone guided their way up three—or maybe it was four—flights of stairs. Another door greeted them at the top. Sebsatian held his breath as Lila fiddled with the knob for a moment, then pushed it open to the building’s rooftop.

“Welcome to my favorite view of the city,” Lila said as she lead him over to the far edge of the roof. “Sure, it’s not as impressive as that secret overlook of yours, but I still think it’s pretty great.”

She was right. It was great, better than great. The position of where they stood gave them a clear view of the buildings lined up against the river that separated the smaller neighborhoods from the city center—a perfect skyline shot. 

Lila leaned her elbows against the cement siding and stared off across the river. “I used to sneak up here during my breaks at work to stare off and daydream about the life ahead of me. Well, the life I used to want.”

“Do you ever miss it?” Sebastian asked as he settled next to her, mirroring her stance. 

“I think I’ll always kind of miss it. I mean, I grew up here. I still kind of consider it home.”

“Yeah, you kind of downgraded by moving to Pelican Town.”

“I bet you’d miss it though,” Lila said, turning her shoulders to face him. “If you ever moved away.”

“Highly doubtful.” 

“There has to be at least one thing you’d miss.”

Sebastian considered her words while he watched the lights from the buildings glow over the river’s dark surface, then turned to face her. Lila looked up at him. Her eyes were soft and warm like melted caramels, the corners of her lips pulled up just enough so there was a hint of a smile on her face. 

His answer practically emerged on its own. _I’d miss you_. 

A heavy feeling settled in his stomach and slowly rose to his chest. Sebastian didn’t know how to explain it. It was a weird sensation of relief, followed by dread, and a hint of nausea. Was it guilt? Did he feel guilty about the fact that he’d miss her? But that didn’t make any sense, why would he—

“What are you thinking about?” Lila asked as her eyes curiously danced between his. “You’re doing that weird staring off thing.”

“I guess there would be one thing I’d miss.” Sebastian leaned forward and curled a section of hair behind her ear.

“Oh yeah?” Lila raised an eyebrow. “And what would that be?”

Sebastian's fingers traced over the shell of her ear, down the curve of her jaw to her chin, gently guiding her face up to his. Then he pressed his lips to hers, a part of him hoped he didn’t need to say the words—that she could guess the answer from the way he kissed her.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Holy shit, how did this chapter get so long? (answer: I’m a panster in denial with no self control). Anyway, not much else to say. Sorry it’s been awhile since I last updated, my writing schedule is so fucked atm. Please don’t be mad. 
> 
> As always, thanks for reading and showing interest. :)
> 
> Also, kudos and comments help motivate me to update faster, but no pressure (you do you).


	12. Conflicted*

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A lot happens, but basically: Lila and Sebastian avoid admitting their feelings.

Chapter Twelve

 

They didn’t get back from the city until almost one in the morning. Sebastian hadn’t meant to keep Lila out so late, but they’d lost track of time talking and making out on the roof. He was still kind of thinking about the latter, especially since Lila couldn’t seem to keep her hands off him. 

Sebastian had tried to leave several times now, but he was stalling. He really didn’t want to go home and potentially deal with Demetrius, or worse, his mother. And he really, _really_ didn’t want Lila to stop touching him.

"Wouldn't they be asleep by now?" Lila asked, her fingers leaving a tingle across his skin as she idly traced over his jaw, and down his neck. 

“She can—” Sebastian stopped when Lila started fiddling with the neckline of his shirt. Her fingertips just barely grazed over his collarbone, making his breath catch in his throat and his thoughts jumble together. Sebastian cleared his throat and tried to speak again. “She can sense my presence a mile away. Shit, she might even be waiting for me so she can wreak havoc on my soul.”

Lila laughed as she disapprovingly shook her head. 

“I’m being serious,” Sebastian said, trying to not mirror the contagious smile on Lila’s face. “She’s scary, and she’s pissed. She might kill me.” 

“I highly doubt that.” 

“I guess I could text Sam and see if I can crash on his floor. Unless Penny’s there…Then I’m fucked. Do you think Linus has room in his tent for a guest?”

"I have a better idea,” Lila said, mischief glinting in her eyes. Sebastian held his breath. “You could stay here.” She paused, then casually added, “If you want.”

Sebastian flicked his tongue over his bottom lip, then let out a nervous laugh. “There’s no way I’m going to fit on your couch.”

Lila tugged on the neckline of his shirt, guiding his face down to hover closely over hers. “Who said you’d have to sleep on my couch?”

 

~

 

They fumbled across the threshold, kissing open-mouthed and eager. Their hands frantically roamed over each other’s bodies—tugging at clothing, caressing skin as if they were starving for contact. Lila realized it was a problem; how deeply she craved his touch. But she didn’t seem to care at the moment. Mostly because she couldn’t conjure enough concentration to form a single rational thought. 

Lila nudged the door shut with her foot, then reached behind her, feeling for the deadbolt while trying not to break from the kiss—a rather difficult task since her mind was currently distracted by Sebastian brushing his tongue over her bottom lip and slipping his hand under the hem of her shirt. She pulled away for a moment, turning her head to locate the lock, but forgot what she was doing when Sebastian’s lips trailed across her jaw to the soft spot of skin under her ear, sending a shiver down her neck. 

“Do you need me to get it?” Sebastian chuckled against her skin while his hand moved up the curve of her lower back.

“I…” Lila breathed heavily. She’d apparently forgotten how to speak properly. “You’re just…super distracting…right now…” 

Sebastian lifted his head and reached a hand up to turn the lock, then looked to Lila. The faintest hint of a smile pulled at the corner of his mouth. 

“Oh, shut up,” she said, then tugged on the neckline of his shirt to lower his mouth to hers. 

Lila guided Sebastian across the living room with the press of her body. They clumsily kicked off their shoes as they moved, trying to be mindful of any furniture or junk that littered the floor. She broke away for the briefest moment to pull Sebastian’s shirt over his head, tossing it somewhere across the room. 

Sebastian followed suit, hastily ridding Lila of her shirt, then found her mouth again. Lila sighed against his lips as his hands slowly scraped over the curve of her body, making their way to the clasp of her bra. His fingers began to fiddle with it, but was interrupted when the backs of his legs connected with the couch.

“Shit,” he cursed under his breath as he stumbled backward. 

Lila let out a small laugh, then straddled his lap. 

“I thought you said no couch?” Sebastian teased, smiling against her mouth. 

“I said you wouldn’t have to sleep on it,” she said, moving her lips along the line of his jaw to hover over his ear. “I never said I wouldn’t fuck you on it. You’re a terrible listener.”

Lila threaded her fingers through the roots of his hair, gently tugging to bare his neck. She kissed under his jaw, down the expanse of his throat, then across his collarbone to his shoulder. Something between a deep sigh and a low groan fell from his lips, igniting a thrill deep within her. 

“Lila,” Sebastian panted. 

She lifted her head and loosened her grip on his hair, afraid she was pulling too hard. 

“I don’t have any…I didn't bring…”

_Oh._

Lila pulled away for a moment to properly look at him. “I'm on the pill. Unless you’re more comfortable using condoms, then we don’t have to… I mean, I’m clean so you don’t have to worry about—”

Sebastian grabbed her face before she could finish, pressing hard against her mouth. 

“I want to,” he mumbled between kisses. “Yoba, I want you so fucking bad.” 

Lila smiled against his mouth. Then kissed him back, hungrily. Nipping at his bottom lip as she ground her hips down into the growing hardness beneath her. 

Sebastian wrapped his arms around her to pull her closer, hands grazing up the curve of her back to the clasp of her bra. He swiftly unfastened it, then tossed it on the floor. He trailed kisses across her shoulder and down between her breasts as he gently rolled a nipple between his fingers. Then he slowly brought the other into his mouth and sucked. 

Lila released a moan and pressed down into his hips, desperate for some sort of relief for the ache between her thighs. Sebastian moved his hand around her hip and grabbed her ass, pushing her further down into him. 

Holy yoba, she needed to touch him. Now.

Sebastian let out a groan of protest when Lila lifted herself off his lap, but it was quickly replaced with a breathy sigh when she pressed a kiss to the hollow of his throat. She moved her lips down his chest, then the toned muscles of his stomach, until she was kneeling on the floor between his legs. Lila playfully smiled up at him, meeting his gaze as she ran a hand over the bulge in his jeans. He hissed when she gave him a gentle squeeze, pressing his hips up into her hand. 

Sebastian watched, eyes dark with desire, as Lila unbuttoned his jeans and slowly undid the zipper. She hooked her fingers under the waist and gently tugged, gesturing for him to lift his hips. He leaned forward and helped her pull his jeans and underwear off his legs, then captured her mouth in a kiss. 

“You don’t have t—”

His breath hitched when Lila wrapped her hand around him and slowly stroked up and down. He was hot and heavy in her hand, and incredibly hard. Heat pooled between her legs at the thought of him inside her. 

“But I want to,” she said against his lips, then placed a hand on his chest to push him back against the couch. She could feel his heart racing beneath her fingertips. 

Lila looked up for a moment, meeting his half-lidded gaze, then flattened her tongue against the underside of his cock, licking from base to tip. Sebastian dropped his head back and groaned, hands gripping the edge of the couch. Lila bit her lip, then did it again, circling the tip with her tongue.

“ _Fuck_ ,” he moaned when she finally wrapped her lips around him and sucked. 

She moved her head up and down, slowly bringing him to the back of her throat while a hand gently cupped his balls. His fingers weaved into her hair, not pulling but firmly gripping. Lila could feel his hips tense as if trying to control the urge to thrust into her mouth. She snaked a hand up his inner thigh to his hip, pulling him forward to bring him deeper into her throat. 

“Lila," Sebastian panted, fingers tightening in her hair. "I’m gonna…Holy fu—I’m gonna come if you keep doing that.”

She released him from her mouth with a _pop_. 

“Well, we can’t have that, can we?” She teased, a smirk pulled at the corner of her mouth as she rose to her feet and started unbuttoning her jeans. 

“Come here,” Sebastian coaxed, leaning forward to kiss her hips as he meticulously worked her jeans open and pushed them, along with her panties, to the floor. Lila softly moaned when he brought a hand up between her legs, rubbing his fingers through her slit and shallowly slipping them inside her. 

"Shit.” His breath was hot against the skin of her hip. “You're so wet and I’ve barely touched you."

Lila couldn’t help but let out a small laugh. 

"Well, I like touching you,” she said, tilting his chin up to look at her. A devilish grin spread across his face. Lila mirrored the smile, then pressed a hand against his shoulder to guide him back so she could straddle him. “Enough teasing, though. I need you inside me.” 

Sebastian grabbed her waist as she settled over his lap, steadying her while she positioned him between her legs. Lila let out a deep sigh as she slowly lowered onto him, feeling every delicious inch of his cock fill her. She paused, allowing herself a moment to adjust to the size of him, then slowly began to move. 

He sensuously stretched her with every shift of her hips, hitting spots she didn’t even know she had. Lila moaned, eyes fluttering shut. Her body was overwhelmed with so much feeling, like she was burning up from the inside. It was absolutely intoxicating.

" _Fuck_ ," Sebastian groaned in her ear, low and gravelly. "You feel so fucking good."

His hands moved to her hips, tightly gripping as he rocked them up and down to press her further along his cock, hitting a spot deep within her that made her toes curl. 

Lila braced her hands on his shoulders and moved faster. Harder. Her moans grew louder and louder with each roll of her hips until she was nearly screaming, whimpering incoherent strings of curses under her breath. 

Sebastian reached down between them and pressed hard circles over her clit. The sudden contact made Lila jerk away, her body sensitive from the intense sensation building between her hips. He kissed her neck, mumbling a soft apology against her skin as he let up on the pressure, easing his fingers slowly over her. Lila pressed into his touch. Grinding against his hand until she found the right amount of pressure that brought her to her peak. 

 _“Fu—Fuck_. I’m… I’m gonna—”

" _Yes_ ," he growled against her throat, fingers still teasing between her legs. "Come for me, baby."

She clutched his shoulders, nails biting hard into flesh, and moaned, " _Sebastian_."

It hit her sharp. Like a lightning strike down every nerve in her body. An intense rush flooded her senses, vibrating across her skin. Sebastian cradled the back of her head, fingers tangling through her hair, and covered her mouth with his, holding her close as she shuddered against him. 

Still dazed, Lila didn’t realize she was on her back until Sebastian was already on top of her. He grabbed her hips, tilting them as he pressed flush against her. Each thrust hit that same spot deep within her, making her eyes roll back into her head.

_Holy shit._

Her eyes drifted open, accidentally meeting his gaze. Sebastian was watching her with that familiar look of fascination in his eyes, making her feel more vulnerable than she thought was possible given the current situation. Lila felt a strong urge to turn away. But there was a part of her that wanted to keep looking at him—wanted to watch the way his hair fell over his forehead, the way he held his bottom lip between his teeth. 

She reached up to cup his jaw, guiding his face down to hers. 

“Come for me,” she whispered against his lips. “Come inside me.”

“Are—are you sure?”

“Yes.”

Sebastian let out a groan, then thrusted harder, burying himself deep within her with every press of his hips. Lila pulled him closer, raking her nails down his back while she moaned words of encouragement in his ear. His hand firmly gripped the back of her thigh as his rhythm faltered. He bucked into her, hips stuttering, cock pulsing inside her as he came. 

“Holy shit,” Sebastian panted as he collapsed over her, propping his body up by an elbow. 

Lila turned her head and reached over to push the sweat-dampened hair out of his face. “Are you alive?”

“Barely,” he laughed breathlessly into the crook of her neck, then shifted his weight to look up at her. 

His eyes intently searched over her face with that same expression from earlier. There was something different about it now, though. His gaze was softer, tender. 

A realization struck her—he wasn't looking at her with fascination, he was looking at her with affection. As if he loved her. The possibility was equal parts comforting and terrifying. Mostly because Lila was certain no one had ever looked at her like that before, and partially because she wondered if she looked at him the same way. If she… 

Lila shook the thought away and said, “I should probably go shower before I leak all over my couch.” 

A smile crept across his face as Sebastian lifted his head from the crook of her neck and brushed his lips across her skin, kissing over her jaw to her cheek. “Can I join you?”

Lila raised an eyebrow and looked him over curiously. “Only if you promise to keep your hands to yourself.”

“That’s fine." Sebastian leaned in closer, thumb gently brushing over her bottom lip. "I can use my mouth instead.” 

 

~

 

Sebastian had been awake for awhile now; Chai had woken him up about an hour ago demanding to be fed. He'd tried to ignore the orange cat at first, tried to gently nudge him away with his hand. But Chai was apparently just as stubborn as Lila. He relentlessly shoved his wet nose in Sebastian’s face, tickling him with his whiskers until he finally admitted defeat. 

Sebastian slowly slid out of bed, carefully moving away from the press of Lila’s body so he wouldn't wake her. She stirred for a moment, then reached her hand out, sleepily feeling the spot next to her as if she was searching for him. Sebastian gently placed his hand over hers, and her movements stopped. The soft smile that spread across her face made something clench in his chest. It was the cutest thing he’d ever seen. 

He was lying next to her now, reveling in the feeling of her warm body against his chest as he watched her sleep. It was kind of creepy, he realized. But even if he wanted to get up, it would be a challenge since Lila was tightly gripping his hand like a vise. 

So Sebastian pulled her closer instead, nestling his face in a tangle of her hair, and closed his eyes. The sweet scent of her hair and the soft sound of her breathing flooded his senses, soothing his mind in a way that was hypnotic, and maybe even a little addicting. He could easily wake up like this every morning for the rest of his life.

Even with his mind at ease, his chest felt tight, like there was a knot of pressure that wouldn’t go away no matter how many deep breaths he took. He couldn't figure out why he felt this way. Sam would probably tell him he was an overthinking moron, but Sebastian wondered if his friend felt this way about Penny. If this is how you knew you loved someone, feeling this weird blend of emotions that contradicted each other—comfort coexisting with unease. 

"Lila," Sebastian whispered, kissing the exposed skin behind her ear. She shifted in his arms, but didn't wake. He gently squeezed her hand and kissed her neck. "Lila, we should probably get up."

Lila groaned and released his hand to rub her eyes. 

"No, don't make me," she mumbled, turning in his arms to face him. Her eyes drifted open as she tilted her head up to look at him.

Yoba, it was unfair how pretty she was first thing in the morning—hair tousled, eyes glossy, lips pulled up into a drowsy smile. Sebastian really wanted to kiss her. 

Lila stretched her arms up over her head, causing her shirt to hike up to her waist, then settled back in his arms. His fingers found her bare skin on their own. Lila leaned into his touch, smile growing wider. It was still difficult for Sebastian to believe that he could touch her like this, that she wanted him to touch her. Not even in a sensual way, just to feel her skin. 

Lila reached up to touch his hair, curling a strand around her finger. “Did you sleep okay?” 

“Better than okay,” Sebastian said as he lazily traced circles over her hip, marveling at the way her body responded to his touch. 

Lila nestled her head against his arm, exposing the soft expanse of her neck. “I wish we could stay like this all day.”

“Why can’t we?”

“Well, you see,” she playfully grinned up at him. “I have this thing called a farm.” 

Sebastian lowered his face to hover over hers. “Fuck the farm.” 

Lila laughed, then lifted a finger to trace over his bottom lip. “Five more minutes, then I have to get up."

Sebastian leaned down and kissed her neck, causing her breath to hitch. 

“I think we’re going to need more than five minutes,” he breathed against her skin. His lips trailed up her throat, teeth scraping over skin, to under her jaw. A soft moan fell from her lips when he kissed her there. Lila shifted beneath him, moving the angle of her hips so his hand moved lower. His fingers brushed over the skin above the waistband of her underwear, just barely slipping underneath. 

Then there was a loud knock at the front door. 

Sebastian continued to kiss her, hoping he could distract her from whoever decided this was the opportune moment to visit her house. 

“Seb,” Lila pulled away from his mouth, shifting beneath him. “The door.”

“Don’t care.” He cupped her face to bring her mouth back to his. “They’re cutting into my five minutes.” 

Lila let him kiss her, then tensed and quickly pulled away. “Oh shit, your mom!” 

“Do I even want to know your train of thought right now?”

Lila reached over to the nightstand for her glasses, and quickly slipped them on. She stared back at Sebastian with wide eyes as if waiting for him to have some sudden realization, but he was blanking. 

“She was supposed to come over to figure out where to put a coop, remember?” 

Sebastian blinked a few times, then felt a chill settle in his bones.

“Fuck,” was all he could muster as he recoiled from Lila. He moved off the bed so fast he tripped over himself, rolling off the edge and onto the floor with a loud _thud_. 

“Shit, are you okay?” Lila asked as she leaned over to look at him, but Sebastian ignored her question. It didn’t matter if he was okay at the moment because he certainly was not going to be okay when his mother found him at Lila’s house. He was going to be dead.

“I—I shouldn’t be here,” he muttered as he swiftly rose to his feet then started rummaging around for his clothes. “She can’t find me here.” 

“She probably already knows you’re here,” Lila said matter-of-factly, watching him as she slid out of bed with no sense of urgency. “Your bike is parked in front of my house.” 

“ _Shit_.” Sebastian stopped pulling on his jeans for a moment to turn to Lila. “I am so fucking dead.” 

Lila rolled her eyes, then casually walked over to her closet and slipped on a pair of shorts. “Stop freaking out.”

“I’m not freaking out,” Sebastian said, even though his tone was bordering hysteria. He zipped his jeans, then started frantically searching the floor for his shirt. “I’m chill. I’m so chill that my blood is going cold. Oh my yoba, I think my body is shutting down on its own. Where _the fuck_ is my shirt?”

Sebastian felt something hit his face, like a warm bundle of fabric. He caught it in his hands before it fell to the floor, slowly realizing it was his shirt. His eyes drifted up over to Lila who was standing in front of her closet, shirtless. Very distractingly shirtless. He swallowed as he looked her up and down, eyes fixed on her bare skin.

“Seb, _focus_ ,” she narrowed her eyes at him, then turned away to grab a shirt from a random pile of clothes on her floor. 

“I’m _trying_ , but you’re—” 

Another knock on the door interrupted him. It was louder this time, more insistent. 

Sebastian’s body froze as terror washed over him. His mind screamed.

Lila rolled her eyes again, letting out a heavy sigh as she pulled on her shirt, then started for the living room.

“What are you doing?” Sebastian murmured as she walked past him. He could see the irritation flaring in her eyes. “Don’t answer it.”

“Holy shit, calm down. I'm just grabbing your shoes."

Sebastian pulled his shirt over his head, then reluctantly followed her. 

A shoe hit him straight in the stomach before he even crossed the threshold. He let out a mumbled, _fucking shit_ , then picked it up off the floor and quickly slipped it on his foot, ducking his head when Lila flung the other across the room.

“You could’ve handed them to me,” Sebastian raised his voice through gritted teeth as Lila walked back over to him. 

“Yeah, well, you’re making me want to throw shit.” Lila crossed her arms over her chest, chewing on the inside of her lip as she watched Sebastian slip on his other shoe. “So what’s the plan? Am I hiding you in my closet? Under the bed?” 

“I was actually going to sneak out your bedroom window while you distracted her.”

“Not conspicuous at all,” she said flatly. 

“I don’t have many options at the moment,” Sebastian said, turning away from her and heading back into the bedroom. Lila followed after him. 

"You could, I don’t know, confront her?"

"Oh, because that would go swell. Do you _want_ me dead?” Sebastian turned his head over his shoulder and took in the agitated expression on her face, then added, “Actually, don’t answer that.” 

“What if she asks me about you?”

“Uh, tell her I’m at Sam’s or something. I don’t know. You’re the clever one of this operation.” 

“Fine,” Lila sighed as she uncrossed her arms, then turned to walk back into the living room. Sebastian grabbed her arm before she was out of reach, pulling her to him so he could give her a quick kiss. A smile replaced the scowl on her face. “Oh my yoba, _go_. She’s been waiting for a suspiciously long amount of time, and I don’t want to make her any more angry than she might already be.” 

Sebastian let her contagious smile spread to his face, then released her arm. Guilt lodged in his throat as he watched her walk away. A part of him contemplated whether it would be such a horrible thing if his mother found him there, because he really wanted to stay. 

 

~

 

Lila took a deep breath and rolled her shoulders a few times before opening the door. She faked a smile in an attempt to seem surprised at finding Robin standing on her porch, but the expression quickly fell from her face when the woman looked up at her; brows furrowed, lips tightly pressed together.

“Where is he?” 

“Uh,” Lila tried to stall, then let out a nervous laugh. “Where’s who?”

Robin stared at her with hard eyes, silently interrogating. 

Lila quickly realized Sebastian was right, the woman was slightly terrifying. She didn’t know whether she should look away or keep staring back, but she had a sudden urge to blink and her throat was going dry. Lila swallowed, then opened her mouth to say something, but no words came. Her thoughts stuttered as she tried to remember what Sebastian had told her to say.

And then a loud _thud_ , followed by muffled swearing came from the side of her house. 

_Shit._

Robin looked toward the sound, then curiously raised an eyebrow at Lila. 

She froze, a guilty smile unintentionally worked its way across her face. The woman shook her head as she turned away, starting toward the side of the house to inspect the noise. Lila sighed, then followed after her, shutting the door behind her. 

Lo and behold, Sebastian was lying on the ground below her bedroom window, next to a mahogany chest he must’ve accidentally knocked over. Lila was about to ask if he was alright, when Robin said, “Aren’t you a bit old to be sneaking out of windows?”

“Believe me,” Sebastian groaned as he sat up. “I won’t be doing it again any time soon.” He rubbed at his neck, and briefly looked up at Lila as he rose to his feet. Then turned to his mother. “Could we maybe not do this right now? At least not in front of—”

“Maybe you should’ve considered that before you had your little outburst at dinner,” Robin interrupted him, crossing her arms in front of her. 

“Yeah,” Sebastian looked down at the ground, still rubbing his neck. “Uh, sorry about that.”

“I’m not the one you should be apologizing to.”

"Can't you just, you know, pass the message along?"

Robin let out a heavy sigh. “Demetrius deserves more than that from you. He raised you like his own son. Sure, he tends to project his own ideals. But he does it because he wants you to have all the options in life that I never had. That your sperm donor of a biological father wouldn’t have given you either. We are lucky to have him in our lives because I wouldn’t have been able to do _this_ alone. So swallow your pride and apologize, Sebastian.” 

He clenched his jaw, eyes shifting to Lila then quickly looking away. She could tell he wanted to say something, but was struggling to speak the words. Or maybe he didn’t want to say them in front of her. Lila tried to meet his eyes, tried to give him some sense of consolation, but he ran a hand through his hair and then started to walk away. 

“Where are you going?” Robin called after him. 

“To self-reflect,” he called back, pulling out a pack of cigarettes from his back pocket and slipping one between his lips. 

Robin groaned in frustration as she brought her fingers up to massage her temples, then turned to Lila. “Do you have any coffee? I need coffee, _strong_ coffee.” 

“Uh, I have tea.”

“Dear yoba, I guess that’ll do.” 

 

 

Lila set the steaming mug of tea on the table in front of the red haired woman. It was a peach and mango black tea blend from a cafe she used to frequent when she lived in the city. She figured it was the safest choice since it was the only kind she could get Sebastian to willingly drink. 

“The place looks even smaller with all the furniture,” Robin said as she took a sip of tea and looked around the farmhouse, making Lila feel self-conscious about the clutter she’d let accumulate over the past week. “There’s barely enough space for the two of you in here.”

“It's not so bad,” Lila shrugged as she leaned back against her kitchen counter and took a sip from her own mug. “Chai doesn't take up as much space as you’d think.”

"I didn't mean you and Chai," Robin smiled from behind her mug. 

“Oh,” Lila said, then quickly took another sip of tea because she didn’t know how to respond. 

Robin rose from her seat and started wandering about the living room, intently inspecting. "You know, I could start planning out a house upgrade for you. I could have a layout done by the time the coop is finished."

"I really appreciate that, but I don't really have the money for a house upgrade right now."

“Oh, don't worry about it.” Robin roamed into the kitchen, scanning over the cabinets and the out-dated appliances. “I've been worried about your living conditions since you moved in. Besides, dating the town carpenter’s son should come with some privileges, right?”

"Robin,” Lila started, but paused. She couldn’t bring herself to tell the woman they weren’t technically dating, that she didn’t even know how to properly categorize what was going on between them. "Thanks. I really appreciate it."

Robin smiled and gave her a small nod. “I want you to know that I’m not upset about finding him here. I figured he’d be with you, but he has an old habit of disappearing for days without telling us where he’s gone. I just worry sometimes.” 

When Lila didn’t respond, Robin continued, “He's been different since you moved here, though. Happier. It’s a nice change.” 

The words hung heavy in the air, congesting the room with their implication. 

Lila faked a smile at Robin’s compliment, well what was intended to be a compliment. But for Lila it was a jarring indicator of the attachment forming between them. Her mind spun, heart raced. She doubted Robin would want her anywhere near Sebastian if the woman understood how fucked up she was; if she knew of the emotional toll she would eventually impose on her son.

That always seemed to be the problem; Lila never appeared to be in any sort of mental distress. And to someone unfamiliar with the battle of trying to maintain decent mental health, she looked “normal”. Mostly because she had to. When in reality, she was merely held together by the thin thread of her sarcastic arrogance. It was the ultimate disguise for her mental unrest. Sure, things had been better since quitting her corporate desk job, but like with most things, her mental stability went through cycles. 

“Have you thought about where you want it?” Robin’s voice pulled Lila from her thoughts. She must’ve looked at her with an unintentional blank face because the woman added, “The coop.”

“Oh,” Lila lightly shook her head to focus her thoughts. “No, I haven’t. I’ve had a lot going on.”

 

~

 

Lila leaned forward and gently rested her hand on the velvet surface of the pool table. She could see Sebastian watching her out of the corner of her eye, staring at her from where he was leaning against the wall. She took a deep breath to focus, then took her shot. A solid red ball fell into one of the pockets. 

Sebastian chewed on the inside of his lip as he pressed off the wall, moving to where his beer sat atop a nearby table. He’d been in a mood since his encounter with his mother this morning, and his irritation had only increased since they started their game. Lila thought playing would help distract him, but he was ultimately annoyed at the fact that he was losing. She’d even tried to convince Sam to play, but Sebastian’s usual competitor was currently lying on the couch rambling to Abby as if the saloon was a psychiatrist's office. 

“It’s over,” Sam whined as he covered his face with his hands. 

“If I took a shot every time you said that during the duration of your relationship,” Abby said from her spot atop the couch’s armrest. “I would’ve reached the ripe age of seventeen.”

“How is that supposed to make me feel any less shitty?” 

“I’m just saying,” the purple haired girl lifted her beer to her lips. “Give her some time. I bet she’ll come around before the Flower Dance."

“I doubt it,” Sam tilted his head up to Abby. “It was different this time. You should’ve seen her face. Penny’s never been that serious about anything.” 

Lila moved around the pool table, scooting past Sebastian. “We don’t have to keep playing if you don’t want to.” 

“And what, console him instead?” Sebastian nudged his head in Sam’s direction. “No, thanks. Take your shot.”

Lila rolled her eyes as she turned away to survey the table. Then she leaned forward, focusing her attention on the solid yellow ball in front of her. She guided her cue back to take her shot, but was interrupted by Sebastian leaning over her shoulder. 

"You know,” he whispered low in her ear. “You look pretty good bent over a table."

Lila turned her head over her shoulder and raised an eyebrow at him. "Using distraction as a means to win, huh?”

He shrugged. “Just making an observation.” 

Lila shook her head, then focused her attention back at the table to take her shot. Her breath caught when she missed. She turned around to face Sebastian, who was looking at her with a self-satisfied smile spread across his face. 

“What do you two think I should do?” Sam called over to them from the couch. 

“I don’t know.” Sebastian turned to his friend. “I’m not a therapist.” 

Sam sat up and looked over to Lila, waiting for her response.

“Uh, what do you usually do in these situations?” 

“Get high off my ass or drink until I throw up.”

Lila grimaced at his answer. “Okay, well, maybe don’t do that.” 

 “Ugh, this sucks,” Sam groaned as he laid back down on the couch. 

“Will you quit whining if I buy you a beer?” Abby asked as she scooted off the arm of the couch. 

“Just one?” Sam looked up at her and pouted. 

“Ugh,” she looked over her friend as she finished off her beer, then put a hand on her hip. “Fine, but I’m cutting you off the moment you start with the singing.” 

Sam beamed up at her and practically jumped off the couch, following the purple haired girl over to the bar. 

 

 

Lila had thought Abby was kidding about the singing thing, but Sam indeed started loudly singing along to the songs playing in the saloon once he had enough drinks in him. She found it amusing, especially because he kept pestering Sebastian to sing along. After watching enough of his suffering, Lila decided to mercifully rid Sebastian of his misery by asking him to walk her home. 

“Have you thought about what your mom said?” Lila asked as they approached the farmhouse. 

Sebastian looked down at the ground and shoved his hands deeper into his pockets. “I think I’m just going to let it blow over, like it usually does.” 

“Sometimes it’s better to apologize right away. It takes a lot more work to mend things once they have time to fester.” 

“I guess I just don’t know what to say.”

“Anything is better than nothing,” Lila said, coming to a stop at the bottom of her porch steps. She fiddled in her pocket for her keys, but found herself hesitating, thinking of things to say to keep Sebastian from leaving. “Are you actually going home tonight?”

“That’s the plan. We’ll see what happens once I actually walk inside, though.”

Lila wanted to ask him to stay, but didn’t know how without making it seem suggestive. Plus, spending two nights in a row together was a little excessive. That was something couples did and even though Lila didn’t know exactly what they were to each other, she knew they weren’t _that_. 

“Well, let me know when you get home,” she finally said. 

“Yeah, I will.”

They stood there awkwardly for a moment, just staring at each other, then Lila forced her feet to move up the steps. She paused after unlocking the door, turning over her shoulder to look at Sebastian. He had one foot propped on the bottom step, leg slightly bouncing as if he wanted to walk over to her. 

“Goodnight,” Lila smiled at him, then pushed the door open and quickly closed it behind her. She took a deep breath and exhaled a heavy sigh, leaning her head back against the wood door.

 _What the fuck was that_. 

Her fingers twitched with the urge to open the door, to catch him before he walked off. She moved her hand towards the knob, but stopped when she felt her phone vibrate. It was a text from Sebastian. 

 

**I miss you.**

 

Lila smiled down at her phone like an idiot, a proper teenage idiot. 

 

**You haven’t even left my porch yet, silly.**

 

**I know. Isn’t it crazy?**

**I’m crazy about you.**

 

A small laugh escaped her. She had no idea what to say. 

 

**Don’t laugh at me. It’s true.**

 

**Now you’re being creepy. Like ‘the text is coming from inside the house’ creepy.**

 

**Well I wouldn’t be texting you if I was inside your house. I’d be too busy kissing you.**

 

**I see what you’re doing and it’s not going to work.**

 

**In another universe, we’re making out on your couch right now.**

**You’re thinking about it now, aren’t you?**

 

**You’re evil. EVIL.**

 

**Open the door and let me put you out of your misery.**

**Please.**

 

Every logical part of her mind told her not to open the door, that doing so was a terrible idea. Not only were her unresolved feelings a problem, but she was quickly growing attached to him. She needed space. But she also missed him. 

 _Shit._  

Lila opened the door before she could convince herself otherwise. Sebastian was leaning against the doorway, staring down at his phone as if waiting for her response. He quickly looked up at her with wide eyes, startled to see her standing in front of him. Then a smile spread across his stupidly handsome face, and all Lila could think about was kissing him. 

“Still not tired of me, huh?” She teased.

Sebastian leaned further into the doorway, smile growing wider. “Not even close.” 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading and showing interest in this little side project of mine. I honestly never would've thought this many people would enjoy reading this. <3


	13. Spark

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Demons from Lila's past reemerge. 
> 
> CW: mention of past sexual assault, mild violence, self-harm, blood

Chapter Thirteen

 

Lila dropped her head back and let out a soft moan as lips teased across her collarbone and down her chest. A hand firmly brushed up her body, leaving a tingle on her skin as it made its way from her hip to her waist, then over the curve of her breast. 

With parted lips, a single word—a name—escaped her, “ _Tyler._ ”

Her eyes shot open, startled by the name slipping off her tongue. Lila lifted her head, but her vision was merely a blur of darkness. 

The hand moved higher. Up the swell of her chest, across her racing heart, to settle on the back of her neck. A waft of sandalwood and musk flooded her senses, its intensity making her nauseous. Her ears began to ring; but the noise was quickly replaced with a faint _tick_ , rapidly getting louder by the second. 

_Tick, tick, tick._

A watch, she realized. Lila tried to concentrate on the sound to ease her breathing, to ease the pounding of her heart against her ribs. But the steady beat only measured the dragging of time, counting every second she was rendered helpless under his touch. 

 _Tick_ … _Tick_ … _Tick_ … 

Distracted, Lila didn’t notice his hand move from the back of her neck until it was already closing over her throat. She sharply inhaled. The sudden intake of breath so painful, it felt like a knife in the chest. Her hand instinctively moved up to his—pulling at his wrist, pinching his fingers in an attempt to pry his hand off her throat. Her eyes grew heavy. Tears clouded her vision, blending with the darkness to leave the _tick_ in her ear to consume her senses.

_Tick._

_Tick._

_Tick._

Lila used her last bit of breath to try and speak. 

"Tyler,” she croaked, firmly clutching his wrist. “You're—"

She let out a raw breath of relief when he released his grasp, but the alleviation was short-lived once his hand moved to press over her mouth. Lila froze. An immense dread settled in her chest when a familiar pair of dark eyes met hers, so dark she couldn't tell pupil from iris.

Tyler's eyes glinted in amusement as he hovered over her, mouth curving up into a wicked smile. Lila turned her head away as he lowered his face into the crook of her neck. 

“You’re the prettiest thing I’ve ever seen,” he breathed against the shell of her ear while smoothing the hair away from her face. “And you’re all _mine_.”

Lila clenched her eyes shut. She tried to concentrate on anything besides the smell of his cologne, the feeling of his breath on her skin, the sound of his watch. Then her body tensed as she felt a painful pressure between her—

Lila jolted awake—heart racing, breathing erratic, forehead slick with sweat. She pressed her palms against the mattress to carefully sit up, then rubbed her hands over her face as she tried to calm her breathing. 

 _One, two, three, fou_ —she began to count as she inhaled, but was interrupted by the bed shifting beside her. 

Lila warily turned her head to the person lying next to her. The tattoos and mess of dark hair were obvious indicators that it was Sebastian, but she had to be certain. She leaned over him and gently pushed some of the hair out of his face with her fingers. A breath of relief escaped her as her eyes traced over the familiar strong line of his jaw, the soft press of his mouth, the slight furrow of his brows. Sebastian leaned into her touch, then quietly groaned as he turned away to shift onto his other side. 

Lila slowly slid out of bed. She lightly ran her hand across the surface of her nightstand for her glasses, slipped them on her face, then took a brief survey of her room. Her gaze lingered on the shadows formed by the moonlight spilling through the gap in her curtains, but nothing appeared unusual. 

She tiptoed across the room, being cautious of the creaks in the floor as she made her way to the dresser in the corner. Sebastian’s clothes sat atop it, neatly folded amongst her collection of clutter. Lila looked over her shoulder, fixing her gaze on him, then held her breath as she used her sense of touch to search for his pack of cigarettes. Without tearing her eyes away from his face, she pulled a cigarette out from the pocket of his jeans, along with his lighter, and quickly slipped them into the waistband of her shorts. She looked over his sleeping form one last time, then cautiously made her way into the living room. 

 _Tick, tick, tick_. 

The noise made Lila freeze in place. She turned her head, eyes drifting up to the clock atop the doorway leading to the bathroom. The sound echoed in her mind as she stared at it, making her heart thud faster in her chest. Lila took a deep breath and forced herself to turn away. She made a mental note to ask Sebastian to take the damned thing down in the morning, then quietly walked out the front door.

The brisk spring nights had slowly begun to shift into the lingering heat of summer, but there was a chill in the air tonight. A cool breeze brushed over Lila’s bare legs as she leaned her forearms against the rail of her porch. She lifted her cigarette to her lips, then tilted her head up to the bright glow of the moon against the nearly cloudless sky. Countless stars glittered overhead. Lila was still surprised at how many there were, how many she’d never noticed because they were drowned out by the city lights. 

When they were young, Lila’s brother, Liam, had tried convincing her that the flickering airplanes in the sky were actually shooting stars. Of course, she had believed him. She was a gullible child and she didn’t have any reason not to trust her older brother. Her father had corrected her a few days later, making Lila feel foolish for wasting so many wishes on airplanes. She’d wished for so many stupid things: a pony, to become a mermaid, for her mother to come back to life. But eight-year-old Lila didn’t give up hope. She was certain that one day, she’d finally see a real shooting star, and she’d make the wish count. 

It'd been sixteen years since then, and Lila had yet to see a shooting star. And honestly, she didn’t know what she’d even wish for if she saw one now. Maybe some peace of mind? Her younger self would be so disappointed. 

"There you are," a voice broke Lila away from her thoughts. 

She straightened her posture, gracefully hiding the cigarette behind her back as she turned toward the voice. Sebastian stood in the doorway, shirtless with his sweatpants sitting low on his hips. “Oh, hey.”

He crossed his arms over his chest and leaned his shoulder against the doorway. "Care to explain why you’re out here in the middle of the night?”

"I couldn’t sleep,” Lila said as she nervously fiddled with the cigarette between her fingers. “Had a bad dream. I thought some fresh air would help.”

“I would hardly consider smoking the same as getting fresh air.”

A guilty smile spread across her face as she revealed the cigarette from behind her back. She sheepishly held her hand out toward him. “Go on, confiscate it.”

Sebastian looked at the cigarette, then back to Lila. A frown tugged at the corner of his mouth. 

“I'll give you a pass tonight,” he said, pushing off the doorway to approach her. “Just don’t make a habit of it, okay?”

 Lila bit the inside of her lip and nodded. 

Sebastian watched with concern in his eyes as she took another drag of the cigarette. Lila knew he could tell something was off, but she didn’t want to acknowledge it. She just wanted to forget about it. All of it. 

“Do you want to talk about it?” 

“There’s nothing to talk about,” she shrugged, turning away to look into the darkness of the night so Sebastian couldn’t see the dishonesty in her eyes. “Just your usual bad dream of falling… Spiders… You know, the scary stuff.” 

Lila felt him settle next to her, warmth radiating off the bare skin of his chest. “Falling spiders?”

“Yeah.” She continued to stare off. The depth of the darkness was beginning to distort her vision, making it blur like some optical illusion. “Like I was falling, but into a pit of spiders. Double scary.”

Lila’s breath caught in her throat when Sebastian reached up to run a hand through her hair. The feeling of Tyler doing the same was still fresh from her dream. 

“You could've woken me up,” he said quietly. 

Lila forced a smile on her face as she turned her head over her shoulder. “But you looked so peaceful.”

" _Me_?  _Peaceful_?” Sebastian raised a brow, fingers still combing through her hair. “That's hard to believe."

"I can take a picture next time as proof.” 

He narrowed his eyes at her. "Don't you dare.”

Lila genuinely smiled this time, it was hard not to when he looked at her like that. But Sebastian continued to search her face, trying to figure out what was wrong. “Are you sure you're okay?”

Lila put out the cigarette, then turned her shoulders to face him. She took a small step forward, wrapping her arms around his waist as she pressed her face against his chest. The warmth from his skin diffused across her cold cheek. “Now I am.” 

Sebastian folded his arms around her and rested his chin atop her head. “Can we go back to bed now that you’ve had your midnight fix of cancer sticks?” 

Lila tilted her head up at him and teased, “Says the one that smokes more than he eats.” 

His eyes shifted between hers. Lila wished it wasn’t so dark so she could admire how blue they were. “I’m not enabling you, am I? I’d really hate myself if you started up your old smoking habit because of me.” 

 Lila shook her head. “I couldn’t sleep and needed a distraction—Wait, would me stealing your cigarettes actually make you consider quitting?”

“Again, you could’ve woken me up,” Sebastian said, evading her question. 

“Not that kind of distraction.”

“I wasn’t alluding to _that_.” He rolled his eyes. “I could’ve made you that gross sleeping tea you like or something.” 

Lila sighed. Why’d he have to be so sweet? 

 _Just tell him_ , an annoying part of her mind interjected. Lila took another look at the worry in his eyes and just couldn’t bring herself to deepen his concern for her. What would she even tell him, anyway?

 _My ex haunts my dreams_ , Lila considered the statement for a moment and then quickly dismissed it. Even mentioning it would lead to Sebastian asking questions she wasn’t ready to answer. Lila could just imagine the look of horror that would contort his face after she explained what Tyler did to her. He’d probably never touch her again, or he’d treat her like she was made of glass. Fragile, nearly broken. 

Lila reached up to fiddle with a stubborn strand of his dark hair. 

“I promise I’ll wake you up next time,” she said, forcing herself to meet his gaze. There was still a hint of worry in his eyes, but she hoped Sebastian could tell she wasn’t lying. Lila truly meant it; she just wanted to hold onto the slim possibility that there wouldn’t be a next time. 

 

~

 

A loud clatter of pots and pans, followed by a succession of swear words, woke Sebastian from his peaceful slumber. He groaned, turning to his side while pulling a pillow over his face to drown out the noise. His limbs instantly grew heavy, his mind slowly eased its way back to sleep. Then his nose registered the faint smell of something burning.

He lowered the pillow from his face and squinted at the spot next to him; Lila was missing. Sebastian closed his eyes and let out a sigh. It didn’t surprise him that she wasn’t in bed, but the smell coming from the general vicinity of the kitchen formed a knot of unease in his stomach. He rubbed a hand over his face to help wake himself up, then reluctantly left the warm comfort of bed to find Lila before she burned the house down. 

Sebastian found her standing in front of the stove—bare legged, with one of his black T-shirts hanging loosely over her body. She was staring intently at the pan in front of her, brows tightly knit together in concentration while she fiddled with a batter-crusted spatula.  

He sluggishly approached her, but Lila was so focused on the task at hand, she didn’t notice his presence until he had already wrapped his arms around her waist and pressed a kiss to her temple. “Morning.” 

Lila startled, then nudged his chest with her shoulder. “Holy shit, Sebastian! Don’t sneak up on me like that.”

“Sorry,” he apologized, placing another kiss against the side of her face, then glanced over the cramped space of the kitchen. 

 _Dear Yoba_ , he thought as he took in the current state of the counter. It was cluttered with cartons of milk, eggs, and butter, along with a bowl with batter trickling off the rim. A plate stacked with pancakes—tragically deformed pancakes—sat beside the mess. 

“Are you making me breakfast?” Sebastian asked curiously. 

“I’m making _me_ breakfast,” Lila answered, turning her head over her shoulder to look at him. A playful smile pulled on the corner of her mouth before she turned back to the stove. “But I suppose I can share.” 

Sebastian leaned his head against hers, discreetly inhaling the familiar scent of her hair as he watched Lila attempt to flip the pancake in the pan in front of her. From the way she held the pan while awkwardly maneuvering the spatula, Sebastian could tell she didn’t do this often. 

“Let me do it before you make an even bigger mess,” he said, reaching up to grab the spatula out of her hand. Lila let him take it, then stepped aside while grabbing the kettle off the back burner. 

Sebastian flipped the pancake in the pan, watching Lila out of the corner of his eye. Warm morning light filtered through the window above the sink, casting a golden glow across her skin as she filled the kettle with water. 

“I didn’t know you could cook,” Lila said, setting the kettle back on the stove. She briefly met his eyes, then turned away to open one of the cabinets. 

“You make it seem like this is a three-course meal,” he smiled in amusement as he transferred his almost perfectly-shaped pancake to the plate with its disfigured kin. “It’s just pancakes, baby.” 

Sebastian quickly cleared his throat to mask the word that just slipped out of his mouth, then glanced at Lila to see if she had noticed. Thankfully, she seemed too distracted with searching through her collection of tea to have heard him. At least, that’s what Sebastian hoped. 

“My brother was the cook in our family,” Lila said, pulling a box of tea out from the very back of the cabinet, along with two mugs from the middle shelf. “After my mom died, we mostly survived on take-out and mac and cheese.” 

She hoisted herself up to sit atop the counter, then reached over to tear off a chunk off one of the pancakes, and popped it in her mouth. “Once Liam was old enough, he started taking initiative with the cooking. He never let me near the stove, though.”

“I wonder why,” Sebastian said, moving the pan off the burner and turning the knob to off.

“Hey,” Lila nudged him in the leg with her foot. “I’ll never learn if I don’t try.” 

“Okay, we’ll start small. Like with an Easy Bake Oven.”

"Perfect. I always wanted one."

"Maru got one for her birthday one year,” Sebastian turned to face her, settling in the space between her legs. She tore off another piece off one of the pancakes and fed it to him. “One time, she made a _huge_ mess. Almost every surface of the kitchen had brownie batter on it. Demetrius was furious."

“Speaking of your family,” Lila began just as the kettle started whistling. Sebastian reached over and moved it off the stove. “Any plans to make peace with your step-father?”

“I will at some point.”

“You keep saying that, yet you haven’t been home in days.” 

That wasn’t entirely true. Sebastian _had_ been home, even if it’d only been to grab extra clothes. Sure, he might’ve gone out of his way to stop by when he knew no one would be there, but that was only because he was terrible at confrontation. Okay, maybe it was also because the conflict with his family gave him an excuse to stay at Lila’s. 

Sebastian was still slightly concerned about finding her smoking two nights ago. He’d tried to ask Lila about the dream she had, but she assured him she was fine. That it was nothing. Sebastian knew better, though. Lila looked more tired than usual, and she seemed to be constantly lost in thought. He’d caught her mindlessly picking at the skin around her nails numerous times yesterday, which was only something she did when she was anxious. He assumed Lila’s sleeping troubles had something to do with her ex-boyfriend, and even though she wouldn’t confirm his suspicions, Sebastian didn’t want to leave her alone in case one of her dreams happened again. 

“I really hope you’re thinking about me learning to cook and not something else.”

Sebastian focused his gaze on Lila, meeting her eyes; they were bloodshot, and the skin around them was red. He wasn’t sure if it was from lack of sleep, or if the reason she’d been up so early this morning was because she’d been crying. “You just look—”

“Looks can be deceiving,” Lila interrupted him. A smile spread across her face, but it failed to reach her eyes. 

“Lila.” Sebastian reached up to curl a section of her brown hair behind her ear, noticing how she slightly recoiled before leaning into his touch. 

“Yes, Sebastian?” 

He watched the way she watched him; amber eyes shifting, struggling to look at him directly. There were so many things he wanted to ask, wanted to say. 

_I’m worried about you._

_Did you have another dream?_

_You know you can trust me, right?_

Sebastian settled with, “Are you okay?” 

He knew it was a stupid question. He’d lost track of how many times he’d asked, but a part of him thought that maybe she’d answer honestly this time. 

“Why wouldn’t I be okay?”

“You just seem…" He paused for a moment to think of the right word. “Not yourself. Ever since the other night…”

“I’m fine,” Lila said, grabbing his hand and giving it a gentle squeeze. “Just tired. I’m not used to sharing my bed with someone that takes up so much space.” 

Sebastian really wanted to believe her, but he could see past the sheen in her eyes, past the forced smile on her face. He wondered if this is how they’d always be—just barely hovering over the line of real intimacy, but never truly crossing over. Sebastian understood Lila had trouble trusting people, but he thought he’d already proven himself to her. Thought they were moving toward something that more closely resembled an actual relationship than whatever the fuck _this_ was. 

The doubts were slowly beginning to leaden in his stomach, but it was pointless to continue with a conversation he knew Lila would defensively lie her way through, so Sebastian decided to play along.

He shifted his hand in hers, interlacing their fingers as he brought her hand up to his face, and pressed a kiss across the soft skin of her knuckles. “We both know it’s Chai that takes up the most space.”

Lila chuckled; her mouth curved up into a smile, forming creases in the corners of her eyes. It was small, but it was genuine. And to Sebastian, that was the only thing that mattered.

 

The rest of the morning consisted of them watching reruns of The Queen of Sauce while consuming misshapen pancakes, and Sebastian trying to swallow down two entire cups of tea for the sake of suppressing his coffee withdrawals. 

“This tea has half the amount of caffeine as one cup of coffee,” Sebastian had explained to Lila when she spotted him making a second cup. “So if I drink two cups, I might be able to live with myself today.” 

Lila had nodded a few times, as if contemplating his logic, then pursed her lips. “I think you might have a problem.” 

“Yeah, the problem is you don’t have a coffee maker.”

“Sorry baby, this house is a tea sanctuary,” she’d called over her shoulder before she disappeared down the hall leading to the bathroom. 

It had taken Sebastian a solid minute to register what Lila had said; but once he did realize, his mind reeled trying to figure out whether she was mocking him from earlier or if she meant to say it. Either way, it made him smile like an absolute idiot. Well, until he finally brought his mug to his lips, and the first sip of tea made him gag. 

 

 

Sebastian was sitting on the couch, reading over a developer contract from a potential client, when there was a knock at the front door. Lila was still in the shower, so he didn’t hesitate before leaving his spot to answer it. Though, he immediately regretted his decision once he opened the door and found Abby standing on the porch, with Penny timidly waiting at the bottom of the steps. 

“What are you doing here?” Sebastian asked more defensively than he meant to. 

“I should ask you the same question,” Abby said, looking him over while a sly smile slowly worked its way across her face. Sebastian was quickly reminded of the fact that he was not wearing a shirt. “But I think I already know the answer.” 

“I, uh, I was just—” 

“Abby?” Lila interrupted before Sebastian could think of some excuse. She practically materialized next to him, blotting her damp hair with a towel. “What are you doing here?”

“Kidnapping you for a girls’ day,” Abby said, looking between them with a raised brow. “Unless you’re busy.” 

 

~

 

“So are you going to tell us about your naked sleepover?” Abby called to Lila from the driver’s seat. 

Lila looked up and met her friend’s blue eyes in the rear view mirror, then shifted her gaze back to the window beside her, watching the landscape blur into a smudge of blues and greens. She was beginning to reconsider her decision to go Flower Dance dress shopping with them in the city. 

“I regret to inform you that neither of us slept naked.” 

“But you did _other things_ naked, right?”

Lila continued to stare out the window, hoping her silence would hint at the fact that she wasn’t in the mood to discuss the sex she and Sebastian were having. 

“I find it a bit odd that you’re so curious about your ex-boyfriend’s sex life,” Penny chimed in while filtering through a stack of CDs she had found in Abby’s glove compartment. “Yet, the mere mention of Emily—”

“First off,” Abby interrupted, snapping her head to her friend in the passenger seat. “I barely consider Seb my ex-boyfriend. We were in _high school_ , and we didn’t even date for a full year.”

“You technically didn’t date Emily and you—”

“Second,” Abby continued, ignoring Penny’s comment. “I’m not asking for the dirty details. I just want to know _if_ it happened.” 

“Still weird,” Penny said as she inserted a CD into the car’s CD player. A song from an indie band Lila hadn’t heard since college started playing. 

“Besides,” she continued, glancing over her shoulder to where Lila was sitting. They met eyes for a brief moment before the redhead turned to Abby, who was drumming her fingers against the steering wheel to the beat of the music. “Maybe she wants to keep that information private. Sex actually means something to _some people_.”

Abby scoffed, eyes drifting up to the rear view mirror to look at Lila. “You’re awfully quiet back there. Don’t tell me you agree with her.” 

“Maybe I do, maybe I don’t,” Lila shrugged. Her indifference was more due to a lack of focus, rather than a lack of opinion. She didn’t want to mention it, but she was unsure of the details of her friends’ conversation because her concentration had started weaving in and out once they’d pulled onto the highway. Lila was just _so_ exhausted, nearly frustrated from her mind forbidding her a decent night of sleep ever since her dream the other night. 

“Ugh, you two are a couple of saps,” Abby grumbled, fixing her eyes back on the road. 

Penny turned her head over her shoulder and gave Lila a cheery smile of reassurance, then her gaze drifted down to where Lila’s hands were resting in her lap, and her green eyes widened. “Oh my Yoba, you’re bleeding!”

Lila looked down at her hands; bright red blood welled against her thumb nail, trickling down the digit and onto her palm. She hadn’t even noticed she’d started picking at her nails.   

“I think I have a band-aid in my purse,” Penny’s voice was muffled in the background, blending with the music to form a jumble of incoherent noise, until it sounded like nothing at all. 

Lila continued to stare at her thumb, transfixed by the amount of blood. She bit her lip, then pressed against her cuticle, wincing at the initial sting. More blood flowed from the dainty wound, but instead of letting up on the pressure, she pressed harder. Hard enough that her hand started to shake. 

It felt raw, but it also felt good. 

Sensing her dormant tendencies rouse, Lila immediately stopped what she was doing and looked up. She wasn’t sure how long Penny had been holding the band-aid out to her, but the disturbed look on the redhead’s face was indication enough. 

 “Thanks,” Lila mumbled as she leaned forward to pluck the band-aid out from between her friend's fingers, awkwardly avoiding her eyes.

 

Lila mindlessly flipped through the dresses hanging on the rack, barely glancing at each one before sliding the hanger across the rod. She’d been trying her best to act enthusiastic for the sake of her friends, but her mind felt hazy, distracted by her tiredness and the pulsing of her heartbeat in her thumb. 

“Lila?”

She turned her head toward the voice, expecting it to be Abby or Penny, but met eyes with the second-to-last person she wanted to see right now. Well, the second-to-last person she wanted to see ever.  

Melody widely grinned at her, her pearly white teeth just as perfect as Lila remembered. Her skin was flawlessly tan, like she’d just gotten back from a vacation along the southern coast, and her golden blonde hair was tied up into a messy-but-not-sloppy bun. 

Lila was convinced she was having a nightmare. Yoba, she hoped she was having a nightmare because there was no way she could hold a real conversation with Melody-boyfriend-fucking-Davis right now. 

“It _is_ you,” the blonde screeched in disbelief. “I barely recognized you without the bangs.” 

 _I barely recognized you without Tyler on top of you_ , Lila wanted to say, but bit her tongue.

“Hair grows,” she said flatly. Lila reflexively took a step back as Melody approached her, the heels of her taupe booties clacking against the laminate floor.

“You were always _so_ funny,” Melody laughed, high pitched and not one bit genuine. Lila really wanted to punch her in the face regardless of whether this was a dream or not. “I’m totally surprised to find you here. This is _the_ last place I would’ve thought I’d run into you. Isn’t it just funny how that happens?”

“Absolutely hilarious.” 

“So what are you doing here, anyway?”

Lila stalled, trying her hardest not to think about the last time she’d seen Melody. But her mind drifted anyway—remembering the thick smell of perfume that greeted her when she walked into Tyler’s apartment, the trail of discarded clothes across his floor, then their tangled limbs, his hands in her blonde hair, and the deep feeling of embarrassment, inadequacy, that settled over her as she slipped out of the apartment before either of them noticed her presence. 

“What about this one, Mel?” One of Melody’s minions appeared out of nowhere, holding up the pink dress in her hands. “I know it’s not the exact color you had in mind, but it could work.”

Melody looked over at the dress, running her hand delicately over the fabric. “This definitely has more mauve undertones. I really want the dusty pink to pop next to the groomsmen’s navy suits, you know?” 

 _The groomsmen’s navy suits_ , the words echoed in Lila’s mind, forming a thought that was only confirmed when Melody shifted her hand to inspect the scalloped lace trim. Lila caught a glimpse of the ring on the blonde’s left hand, and her brows shot skyward while her stomach plummeted to the depths of Earth’s core. The ring was ornate, borderline gaudy in Lila’s opinion, but it wasn’t just any ring; it was a Morgan family heirloom, the same ring Tyler had tried giving her two years ago. 

Melody let out a very audible sigh, then lowered her voice into an almost soothing tone. “This must be shocking for you. I hope you’re not upset.”

Lila pried her eyes away from the ring, lifting her gaze to meet Melody’s eyes. Her brows furrowed once she fully processed what she’d heard. “Why would I be upset?”

“Tyler told me the breakup was hard for you,” Melody said, placing a hand over her chest, as if to show sympathy. “I just hope you can be happy for me, even if it’s with someone you might still—” 

“Love?” Lila interrupted, then laughed, clenching her fists to control the irritation burning within her. She couldn’t believe she was having this conversation right now. “I never loved him.” 

Melody simply nodded, but Lila could tell from the solemn look on her face that she didn’t believe her. 

“I think it’s great,” Lila said, smiling as she took a few steps backward. She could taste the bitterness of her words on her tongue. “Honestly, I think you two deserve each other.” 

Guilt knotted in her stomach once the words left her mouth, but then Melody’s expression transformed into something that resembled pity, and any regret Lila had begun to feel quickly dissolved, leaving her to feel nothing at all. 

She needed to leave. 

Lila took a few more steps backward, then turned around and headed for the door, walking past Abby and Penny without acknowledging them. 

“Lila?” She heard Abby call after her, but Lila ignored her. “Lila, where are you going?”

 

The world was nothing but a blur around her as Lila eased around the pedestrians on the street, wandering without any sense of direction. She just needed to get away, as far away as possible. But the further she walked, the quicker her thoughts caught up to her. 

 _Tyler told me the breakup was hard for you_ , the words replayed in her head on an endless loop. 

Lila wondered if he also mentioned how he’d raped her, and then claimed it didn’t happen. Or how he’d convinced her that the amount of alcohol she’d drank had skewed what really happened, that her busted lip and the bruises on her neck were from her trying to harm herself. 

Tears stung in the corners of her eyes. Lila reached a hand up to wipe them away, causing her to accidentally bump shoulders with someone walking past her. 

“Sorry,” she muttered softly over her shoulder, not bothering to turn and look at the person. 

More tears fell from her eyes, and it suddenly became hard to breathe. 

Lila clutched her chest, then turned around the next corner, stopping for a moment to collect herself. She leaned her head back against the building’s brick exterior and closed her eyes, letting the aroma of freshly brewed coffee and pastries from a nearby cafe fill her senses. The smell made her think of Sebastian.

 _Sebastian_.

Lila fumbled in her pocket for her phone, hands shaking as she tried to get a firm grasp on it. Calling him was either a brilliant, or an absolutely terrible idea, but she didn’t have the patience to contemplate the decision. She just wanted to hear his voice. 

She quickly swiped her finger across the screen, then clumsily pulled up her contacts. Her hands wouldn’t stop shaking. Lila took a deep breath to try and maintain some semblance of focus, but her phone slipped out of her hand and fell to the concrete. She crouched down to pick it up, thankful the screen wasn’t cracked, but hesitated before pressing the call button. 

 _Tyler told me the breakup was hard for you_. 

Her thoughts blared in her mind, so loud she couldn’t concentrate. 

 _Floral perfume, a trail of clothes_ … 

Lila lowered herself to sit on the filthy surface of the street and covered her face with her hands—sobbing so hard her eyes throbbed, her lungs burned. 

 _Their tangled limbs, his hands in her blonde hair_ … 

“Stop,” she whispered to herself. “Please make it stop.” 

 _I hope you’re not upset_. 

Lila gripped the roots of her hair, and cried harder, struggling to stay grounded in the present moment. Maybe this was all just part of a dream. Maybe if she tried hard enough, she could wake herself up. 

"Lila,” said a muffled voice. It sounded underwater, a world away. Someone touched her arm, and Lila instantly pulled away as if physically afflicted. "Lila."

She rubbed a hand over her face, smearing her tears, and looked up. It took her a moment to realize it was Penny who was kneeling in front of her, green eyes full of concern. "Are you okay?"

Lila sniffled, then nodded. "I'm fine."

"You don't look fine."

"I'm just tired," Lila tried to reassure her friend. It wasn’t completely a lie. 

"Lila," Abby said in a gentle tone as she crouched down in front of her. Her phone was pressed against her ear, but slightly turned away from her face. "I have Sebastian on the phone. Do you want to talk to him?"

She did. Her desperation to hear his voice was almost pathetic, but she knew talking to him would just make her an even bigger mess than she was already, and she didn’t want anyone to worry about her anymore. So Lila turned away and shook her head. 

Abby pulled the phone back to her ear and sighed. 

"She doesn't want to," she said in a hushed tone while she turned her face away, as if not wanting Lila to hear her. "Seb, I—I don’t… Ugh. Okay, okay. Hold on."

"Lila," Abby looked to her again, placing a hand on her shoulder while she held the phone out to her. "Penny and I are going to go find you some water. Can you talk to Sebastian while we're gone so you're not sitting here alone?"

She looked at the phone then to Abby, the expression on her friend’s face was something between nervous and frightened. 

Lila nodded, taking the phone even though she didn't really want to. Her friends rose to their feet, then turned to each other for a moment before walking off down the street. Lila waited until they disappeared into the crowd of strangers before bringing the phone to her face. 

"Hi,” she said so quietly it sounded more like a breath than a word. 

"Hey,” Sebastian said softly. The steadiness of his voice caused more tears to prick the corners of her eyes. “Are you okay?"

Lila really wished everyone would stop asking her that. Wasn’t it obvious? She wasn’t okay, and she was beginning to believe she was never going to be okay. 

"Not really."

"What happened?"

Lila closed her eyes and took a deep breath. "I don't really want to talk about it right now."

"Okay.” Sebastian paused. “Do you need me to come get you?"

Lila shook her head even though she knew he couldn’t see her. "It'll take an hour for you to get here."

"So?"

"That'd be such a waste of time."

"It's fine,” Sebastian insisted. “I can leave right now."

"I'll be fine, Seb,” Lila said, purposely changing the inflection of her voice to try and convince him she was okay. Or maybe she was trying to convince herself. “Really."

"Okay.”

They were quiet for a moment. Lila was just waiting for him to ask her if she was okay again, but instead he asked, "Where are you right now?"

Lila looked around, taking in the unfamiliar buildings and the people passing by. "I don’t really know. Some side street near the city center."

"Describe it to me."

"What?" Lila wasn’t sure if she’d heard him correctly. 

"Describe what everything looks like,” Sebastian rephrased the statement. “It'll help distract your mind. Like what do the buildings look like? What are the people wearing?"

“Uh,” Lila looked over her surroundings again, and hesitated. It seemed silly, really. But she decided to try it anyway. “The buildings here are smaller, more like shops with apartments over them than skyscrapers. A lot of them are brick, with big windows.” Lila looked down at the sidewalk, at the people giving her a strange look as they walked by. She wiped the remaining tears off her face, and drew in a deep breath. “The sidewalk is pretty narrow. I should probably move to a different spot.”

“You’re sitting on the sidewalk?” 

“Yeah.” Lila didn’t want to elaborate on how disastrous she looked at the moment, so she changed the subject. “There’s this cafe across the street, like one of those fancy coffee bar places that’s modeled after a minimalist museum or something. I can actually smell the coffee from here.” She paused for a moment, feeling stupid for what she was about to say. “It made me think of you.” 

“Yeah?” Lila could hear the smile in his voice. “Well, write the name down or something and we’ll go there sometime.”

“But I hate coffee.”

“I’m determined to change that.” 

“You’ve already got me stealing your cigarettes,” Lila teased. “Now you’re trying to turn me into a coffee addict?”

“Haven’t you heard? I’m a terrible influence.” 

“Clearly,” she chuckled. 

“Was that a laugh?” Sebastian said, pretending to be taken by surprise. “Does that mean you’re feeling better?”

“Yeah.” Lila bit her lip as a hint of a smile tugged on the corner of her mouth. “So maybe you’re not as terrible as you think you are.” 

“Well if anyone could convince me otherwise, it’d be you.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always, thanks for reading <3
> 
> And an extra thank you to everyone who's left kudos and comments in the time I've been away. You don't know how much it means to me <3


	14. Burn, Pt. 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sebastian attempts to breach Lila’s trust barrier. Will she finally let him in, or will her fears only push him away?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> No, your eyes are not deceiving you. This is an actual update!
> 
> Where do I even begin? Lol. Hi! Happy New Year! Thank you for being patient with me while I worked out some personal things, I really appreciate all of your support and comments. <3 I never meant to take such a long break, but I'm excited to be back. I originally intended for this chapter to be longer (hence it being part one), but I'm impatient and couldn't wait any longer. I hope that's okay. I'm currently working on part two, it just needs some minor word surgery. I'm hoping to post it soon (like actually soon, not four months soon). Okay, I'll stop with the rambling now so we can get on with it already.
> 
> (Also, sorry I chose the worst possible part in this story to leave you hanging >.<)

Chapter Fourteen

Of course Sebastian went to the city anyway. He’d grabbed his keys and headed out the door without a second thought. The crack in Lila’s voice while they spoke on the phone was a clear enough sign that she wasn’t fine, even if she wouldn’t admit it. And Sebastian’s suspicions were only further confirmed when he showed up at the address Abby had reluctantly texted him. 

The place was a small cafe located at the far edge of the city center, situated on the corner of a side street that overlooked the river. Finding parking had been a bitch, and after circling the neighborhood for at least twenty minutes, Sebastian still ended up having to walk several blocks to get there. But all the trouble had been worth it once he caught sight of Lila. 

They were seated at a tiny reclaimed wood table in the very back of the place, almost hidden behind the growing line of people waiting to use the restrooms. Penny and Abby were enthusiastically going on about something, but Lila looked completely detached from the conversation, like she was in a completely different world. Her attention was focused on the straw wrapper she was meticulously fiddling with between her fingers, folding and unfolding it until the edges started to fray and fall apart. She hadn’t even noticed Sebastian’s presence until he was in her direct periphery, the helmet in his hand catching her attention first. When she finally looked up, brown eyes wide and still bloodshot from crying, it took her a moment to realize who was standing in front of her, like she was staring straight through him at first. But then recognition sparked in her eyes, and she shot up out of her seat, immediately wrapping her arms around his neck. 

“You didn’t have to,” Lila whispered as she buried her face against the crook of his neck.  

Sebastian simply shook his head as he folded his arms around her. “I wanted to.” 

By the time they got back to the farmhouse, Lila still hadn’t spoken a word about what had happened in the city. Sebastian carefully brought up the subject, hoping she would open up once they were alone, but Lila claimed the situation was nothing more than a sensory overload triggered by her tiredness. Sebastian wanted to believe her, but Abby had already mentioned seeing an unfamiliar blonde woman approach Lila before she bolted out of the store. Whether it was someone from her past or not, Sebastian didn’t know. He was more concerned about Penny mentioning her skin picking, and how there was this strange focus in her eyes while she watched the blood trickled down her thumb. 

“It almost seemed deliberate,”  she’d told him. 

Those words tortuously replayed in Sebastian’s head as he stared up at the ceiling. The vast darkness of Lila’s bedroom slowly engulfed him as the minutes ticked into hours, leaving only the synchronous sound of his and Lila’s breathing to ground him to the present moment. 

His thoughts did this from time to time. Continuously turned over in his mind until he felt an immense dread wash over him, like he was treading deep water with no land in sight. Sebastian was always able to think of a plan to get himself back to shore, though. Whether it be working until the first glances of morning light illuminated the horizon, or taking numerous smoke breaks to clear his head. But this time was different. He couldn’t think of a single thing to fix this. The more his thoughts ran in circles, the more Sebastian felt like he was already starting to drown, and if he didn’t do something soon, he’d only pull Lila down with him. 

Sebastian focused his gaze down at the sleeping form curled up against his side. He reached a hand up and gently ran it through Lila’s hair, his fingers accidentally catching on a knot at the back of her neck. A small grumble escaped her as she repositioned her head, nuzzling her face closer to his neck. 

Lila always seemed so peaceful while she slept. The softness of her expression and the way her lips slightly curved up into a smile almost made Sebastian forget her troubles even existed. Almost. It pained him to think about what could be disturbing her thoughts despite the tranquil look on her face, or what potential terror woke her the night that had triggered all of this. 

Sebastian carefully repositioned himself onto his side and pulled Lila to his chest. A part of him knew he couldn’t do much besides be patient and wait for her to confide in him, but maybe if he held her tight enough, he could somehow ward off her intrusive thoughts. He couldn’t remember exactly what Lila had said before—something about touch alleviating stress—but it made him want to believe that he could make her feel something other than this paralyzing unease. That maybe he could even dull the pain of her past with his touch. 

Sebastian lowered his face to place a kiss against Lila’s forehead, but stopped when he felt her leg jerk against his. He quickly shut his eyes, pretending to be asleep as she shifted in his arms and carefully untangled herself from his grasp. The aged wood floors of the farmhouse groaned beneath her feet as Lila moved about the room, but Sebastian didn’t dare open his eyes. He impatiently waited until the sound of her steps quieted, and then he followed after her. 

A sliver of light glowed beneath the bathroom door. Sebastian discreetly approached it, concentrating on how he carried his weight so the floors wouldn’t creak. As he got closer, he recognized the faint hiss of running water. It wasn’t loud enough to be the faucet, but possibly the shower. 

Sebastian stopped mere inches from the door and hesitated before knocking. Maybe he was overthinking. Even he was guilty of taking a shower after waking up in the middle of the night. He considered turning around and heading back to bed, but then he heard a ragged inhale, followed by muffled sniffling. Lila was crying. 

With unease quickly filling his chest, Sebastian brought his knuckles up and lightly knocked. “Lila?”

No response. 

Sebastian lowered his hand to the door knob and slowly turned it, testing to see if it would be that easy. He wasn’t surprised to find that it was locked, but fear crept up his spine as the worst possible thoughts invaded in his mind. He remembered the worry in Penny’s eyes, the awkwardness when she’d told him, _It almost seemed deliberate_. But Sebastian trusted Lila, trusted that she wouldn’t… 

Sebastian flattened his palm against the wood’s smooth finish. The weight of it beneath his fingertips felt more like an impenetrable barrier than a stupid door, made of iron instead of wood. He wished he could somehow will it open just from his desperate desire to know Lila was safe on the other side. 

“Lila,” Sebastian tried again. He slightly raised his voice in case she hadn’t heard him before. “Are you—”

“I’m fine,” she interrupted before he could finish, but the tremor in her voice hinted otherwise.

Sebastian dropped his head and let out a sigh as he leaned closer to the door. 

“Can I come in?” He paused for a moment, feeling foolish for sounding so worried. “You’re…you’re kind of scaring me. I just—I just don’t want you to be alone.” 

There was a long silence before Sebastian finally heard shuffling on the other side. Then, with a _click_ from the lock, the door opened. Sebastian squinted against the harsh silver light. But there, standing in the doorway, was Lila, face red and streaked with tears.

“I…” she began, chest trembling in an attempt to control her breathing. Her gaze was fixed on the floor between them, as if she couldn’t bring herself to look up at him. “I was going to wake you...I just—I just needed…” 

“You don’t have to explain.” 

Lila faintly nodded, then brought a hand up to wipe her face. 

Sebastian felt immobilized. His thoughts were moving faster than he could grasp them and form them into anything useful. He started to open his mouth to ask Lila if she was okay, but stopped himself, realizing it was probably the dumbest question he could ask right now. Maybe even the dumbest question he could ask in his entire life. He wanted to say something encouraging, reassuring. But he was running out of things to say and the only thing worse than saying nothing was saying something as meaningless or redundant as, _it’s going to be okay_. 

So instead, Sebastian took a step forward and reached up to push back the strands of hair that were sticking to the side of Lila’s face. She lifted her eyes up to his and gave him a weak smile, the kind of smile that was more of a reflex than anything else. Sebastian felt his chest constrict, and for a moment he wondered if it was possible for someone to feel their heart breaking. 

“Shower with me?” Lila asked, but the inflection of her voice made the question sound more like a plea to Sebastian. Her amber eyes moved between his as she waited for a response. And then, as if finally realizing she wasn’t going to get an answer, Lila took a step back and lifted her shirt over her head. 

It felt inappropriate to look at her so Sebastian focused his eyes on the discarded clump of black fabric on the floor. He could see Lila remove the rest of her clothes out of the corner of his eye, leaving a trail as she made her way towards the shower. Sebastian finally looked up once she disappeared from his sight. 

Lila was watching him. Staring at him with her head turned over her shoulder, her dark hair cascading down her back in mesmerizing waves. Her hand clutched the hem of the shower curtain so tightly that Sebastian thought she was going to rip it right off the rod. But that wasn’t the only thing that seemed odd. There was this strange look in her eyes, a hard focus that he’d never seen before. It was like she was challenging him. But Sebastian didn’t know what to do. He didn’t think he had anything else to prove to her.

The water from the showerhead felt like hot pellets against Sebastian’s skin, but the discomfort was nothing compared to the excruciating drawn-out silence between him and Lila. Her back was turned to him, face angled up so it was directly in the boiling stream. Sebastian watched the water flow down the curves of her body, even though doing so felt like a violation. He truly felt lucky that she trusted him enough to be this exposed around him. He imagined it was hard to be that kind of vulnerable after what had happened to her, but he just wished she’d trust him to see the rest of her—the dark thoughts, the scars that dwelled beneath her facade. 

Lila smoothed her hair back and turned away from the water, accidentally meeting Sebastian’s direct line of sight when she opened her eyes. 

Sebastian desperately wanted to end this lingering uncomfortable silence, but he was still failing at coming up with the right thing to say. He wanted to say something profound, something that would reassure that she could trust him, but his mind was too preoccupied trying to read Lila’s face. Eerie indifference had replaced that unfamiliar rigidness in her eyes and, for the first time since he’d met her, Sebastian found Lila’s eyes completely unreadable. Empty chasms. Staring into them almost made him feel like he was fading away, turning invisible. He didn’t know how it was possible to feel so far away from someone while standing so close to them. 

Lila finally looked away and reached past Sebastian for the shampoo, but he caught her wrist before she could grab it off the narrow ledge beneath the window. She flicked her eyes back to him and creased the space between her brows in confusion.

“Can I?” Sebastian croaked as if it was his first time speaking in days. He could see the hesitation in Lila’s eyes as she pulled her wrist out of his grasp, but then she gave the smallest nod before turning away. 

Sebastian gently weaved his fingers through Lila’s hair, trying to maneuver the shampoo into the thick mass of her dark locks. But it was useless. He had no fucking idea what he was doing, and he was afraid of catching on a tangle or accidentally pulling too hard.

Lila winced and Sebastian immediately ceased all movement. He cursed himself as he angled his head over her shoulder, an apology ready on his lips. But once he got a glimpse of her face, he realized he hadn’t hurt her, she’d started crying again.

“I have dreams about him,” Lila said. Her voice was so quiet it was almost drowned out by the sound of the running water. 

Sebastian carefully untangled his hands from her hair and let them fall to his sides. He’d suspected as much, but a part of him had hoped that it was something else, that maybe it was falling spiders after all. Sebastian could live with absurd nightmares keeping Lila up at night, but he couldn’t live with her past terrorizing her every time she closed her eyes.

Even now, he felt uneasy thinking about the entire thing. He’d read some fucked up shit online, shit he’d never be able to unread. Some survivors shared such vile stories that it made him sick to his stomach. Sebastian didn’t think it was possible for him to lose any more respect for humanity, but reading those experiences did just that. How could someone do that to another person? And, more specifically, how could someone do that to Lila? Just the thought of it made his blood boil, made him want to punch a wall, but it also sort of made him want to cry. 

Yoba, he hoped that fucking asshole was infertile.

Sebastian released his building rage with a sigh, then leaned forward and moved some of Lila’s hair off her shoulder. Suds slid down the bare skin of her back as her chest trembled, her lungs struggling to ease her breathing as tears fell to her cheeks. 

Sebastian grabbed Lila’s hand and interlaced their fingers. The feeling of the bandage around Lila’s thumb brushing against his skin gave him the sudden urge to ask about what Penny had said. Actually, he wanted to ask about all of it—the dreams, the car ride, the blonde in the store, the phone call. He wanted some sort of explanation, some sort of peace of mind that would dismiss Penny’s suspicions, but he was also tired of asking questions that deep down he knew he probably wouldn’t get answers to. 

“You can tell me.” 

Lila turned her head over her shoulder, more tears began to well in the corners of her eyes as she stared at him. Sebastian could tell she was contemplating what to do, what to say. 

 _Please_ , Sebastian thought to himself because he wouldn’t dare say it. He hated how desperate he sounded, but he would never cross that boundary and try to coax it out of her even if he did find it incredibly frustrating.

“I—I can’t.” Lila shook her head as she looked away, the words coming out as ragged breaths between her sobs. “I just…I just can’t. I’m sorry. I—”

Sebastian placed his hand on her shoulder and turned her to face him, but she wouldn’t meet his eyes.

“Hey,” he said, his voice soft and patient. “Don’t be sorry. It’s okay. You’re okay. I’m…I’m not going to let anything happen to you. Lila, I—” Sebastian bit back the words before they slipped from his mouth. _I love you_. 

“I promise,” he said instead. 

Lila lifted her head to look at him. She had that same look in her eye from before but it was different now. The boldness had softened, transformed into something she couldn't hide anymore: Fear. 

“How are you supposed to keep me safe from something that lives inside my head?”

Sebastian didn’t have an answer. Theoretically, it was impossible, but he wanted to be optimistic for once in his life and believe that he could help in some way. And maybe that’s what made her words hurt so much, they made him realize this whole thing was so much bigger than him. It was out of his control, and that made him feel more useless than he’d ever felt in his entire life.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Like I said, worst place to leave off. Please don't hate me, lol. Part two is coming soon! 
> 
> Thanks for reading again <3


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